Scarf Bondage

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by chai, Feb 11, 2012.

  1. chai

    chai New Member

    Hi all,

    I am new here but i do scarf bondage with my gf and need some new ideas. She usually dresses up for me wearing a scarf and i normally blindfold her with a scarf and tie her hands behind her back with scarf. Sometimes, i gag her but she doesn't like it. Stars off as her giving be a bj with her hands tied and blindfolded and I usually have sex with her being blindfolded.

    It has become a routine not sure how to spice it up from here.

    Any ideas?
     
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  2. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

    The first thing that actually came to my mind was the dance of a thousand veils. Have her dress in nothing but scarves, and strip for you. Blindfolded with a scarf of course :)

    You could begin your play outside the bed room. How about going out to dinner with her wearing scarves as undergarments instead of lingerie? If that doesn’t suit, she could wear a lace handkerchief tied to her wrist or a scarf tied at her neck as a reminder of what’s coming afterwards.

    I like the look and feel of scarves but they’ve never been secure enough for my tastes. If I’m not using rope or leather I prefer silk/satin ties. Men’s neckties are ok, but I prefer longer lengths so I can do arm and legs weaves. The longer lengths allow you to tie to head and foot boards and get her into positions that you can’t do with the shorted scarves. They are much less expensive to make over purchasing. Since I don’t sew, I had a seamstress make “curtain ties” with material I liked.
     
  3. chai

    chai New Member

    She is a bit shy. I like the looks of the scarf that the air hostess wears. She sometimes wear scarf outdoor but those scarves are for coming warm rather than looking sexy. Like the wool ones.

    I have tired to get her to wear silk scarf outdoor but as i said she is a bit shy...lol
     
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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Have you explored tying her spread-eagle, perhaps on your bed, and then having your way with her when she's vulnerable?

    Scarves are fairly limited as bondage tools go. You might look into graduating up to some cheap leather wrist (and ankle) cuffs. They've safer to use than scarves and don't require any skill with rope.

    In case you were unaware, silk scarves are a little dangerous, because they can tighten dangerously and cut off circulation. When that happens, they can be very hard to untie. If you're playing with them a lot, buy a pair of EMT scissors (also called bandage scissors). They're available at Walgreens for less than $10. They're much safer than a pair of regular scissors.
     
  5. Elegant_Thrall

    Elegant_Thrall New Member

    Hmm... hawt. Would try this.
     
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  6. chai

    chai New Member

    I am aware of how dangerous scarves can be in terms of tighten too much. But to be quite honest. We dont practice hardcore bondage or i dont tie her up tight. I tied her up but not not super tight and there is a leverage.

    Our play is pretty mild and I guess mild like damsel in distress more than anything. Though I am sure i can continue to live off tying her hands up and blindfolding her with scarves but i just hope i dont get bored or hope she doesnt get bored.

    i usually tie her hands in front of her if we are on the bed so that when she on her back. He hands and arms doesn't get all cramp up.
     
  7. chai

    chai New Member

    In retrospect, I know scarf bondage is not really BDSM but at the same as i have said, we cont practice BDSM. We dont do the whole master/sun thing and so forth.

    She just allows me to live out fantasy and I am one lucky guy.
     
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  8. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Chai, scarf bondage is BDSM. BDSM is power exchange in a sexual context, and she's definitely surrendering control to you. It may be fairly mild, but it's still BDSM. And if you and she are happy with the degree of power exchange, then great! Keep in mind that BDSM does not require any degree of power exchange outside the bedroom. Many of us like being master/slave outside the bedroom, but many of us (probably the majority statistically) prefer to keep it entirely in the bedroom. You two get to take things exactly as far as you both enjoy and feel comfortable with, and no one gets to tell you you're doing it wrong, as long as you're being safe, sane, and consensual.

    But as you note, what you can actually do with scarves is fairly limited. I'd really encourage you to talk with her about wrist shackles and see if she's willing to give them a try--a good starting pair is only about $30-40.

    Have you two tried a little bit of role-playing? There are lots of scenarios you can act out without many props (as long as you have your imagination). There are lots of romance novel cliches that tend to appeal to mildly kinky women, like the pirate/prisoner fantasy. Rather than hoping the two of you don't get bored, sit down and have a chat with her. Ask her what sorts of fantasies she has, and whether she'd like to play out those fantasies. And be honest about some of your fantasies.

    One trick I often recommend for people trying to explore is to do a talk fantasy. The two of you lie down in bed and one of you suggests a fantasy. Then you talk it out. You tell her she's a captured princess or whatever and what you would do with her. She responds by telling you what she would say and do, and you respond to that. The only rule is that you both have to accept whatever the other says (no saying "ugh. that's gross" or whatever) and work it into the scene. The whole time you're doing this, the two of you are stroking each other, kissing, and so on. After you're all done, talk about the fantasy, what parts you both liked and disliked, what parts of it you might want to play out, and so on.

    It sounds to me like you would like to go a little further into BDSM. And if your wife is willing to let you tie her up, there are good odds that she has a few kinky fantasies of her own.
     
  9. chai

    chai New Member

    She is my gf at this stage and is a great gal :).

    She is very shy and i guess sometimes i don't want to push her and not sure which way to explore it.

    The only time we act out a role play is when she is dress her in a secretary outfit with scarf around the neck, i guess like air hostess. It usually ended up me blindfolding her with a scarf and so on as i have mentioned previously. I have asked her many times what her fantasies are but she said she doesn't have any except to have sex with her while she sleep or something along that line.

    I think she like the power play but at the same time she said she doesn't like her hands to be restricted all the time.

    Maybe i will have to come up with some games, maybe scarf bondage poker or something hahah.

    Thanks for all your input so far. Interesting to hear.

    I have searched the forum and i am starting to think i am the only one with scarf bondage fetish....lol.

    Anyone else use scarves during their play?
     
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  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Instead of trying to guess what your gf wants, ask her. Open communication is pretty critical for BDSM. After you play, ask her what her favorite part of the session was, and ask her to tell you one thing she'd like you to add next time. Doms are not mind-readers.
     
  11. chai

    chai New Member

    i have asked her but she doesnt say much so not sure what to do.
     
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  12. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Uncommunicative subs are very frustrating. I speak from first-hand experience. My suggestion of a talk fantasy is one tactic to get something more concrete from her. You might try asking her to write out a fantasy or list of things she finds arousing. That's a common tool for slaves. Or ask her to give you a new kinky suggestion every day.
     
  13. chai

    chai New Member

    TO follow up on this. My gf now starts to use a scarf By starting underneath the ballsacks and tie it up at the top. It feels good and everything but how long is a safe time? Sometimes I go soft and th scarf is still tied there as my gf like to keep it there. So just wonder if that is safe or not to leave it for a long time even when the penis is soft.
     
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  14. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    There is a definite, though unclear, limit about how long you can keep cock and balls tied. Genital bondage applies pressure to the blood vessels in the cock and balls. That's one reason it makes the cock hard--it traps blood in the cock. Eventually, the restriction of blood flow will start damaging the tissue in the cock and balls.

    Once the cock and/or balls have been tied, the dom should periodically touch the tied off parts with his/her bare skin. If the skin is noticeably cooler than normal body temperature, or if the tissue is starting to discolor unusually (keep in mind, some cocks turn rather purple naturally), then it is time to untie the bonds and let blood flow return.

    How long this takes is gonna vary depending on things like the size of the cock, the strength of the blood flow, and other biological factors. But a good working rule is to check the cock after 15 minutes, and not leave the bondage on longer than roughly half an hour or so. The same, by the way, is true for cock rings. More than 30 minutes at a time is getting risky
     
  15. silkysimon

    silkysimon New Member

    scarves are perfectly fine to use in bondage play as long as the person tying knows what they are doing and doesnt use cheap materials unless your fine about cutting them up to get free
     

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