Discussion in 'Safety aspects of BDSM' started by J-Pit, Dec 12, 2007.
What is the purpose of "safe words"? Have you used them at anytime? How does it make you feel?
A safe word is a phrase decided before to be used in a BDSM session when slave cannot bear the pain given any more.
Safe word always came to me as a sign of lack of trust. For this, I have never accept my slave to use one. A real Master is one who knows where to stop and is absolutely not a psychopath, though he has got sadistic feelings accompanied with responsibility which is putting him on such an honourable position as a slave's Mastership.
As a slave, I've never been allowed a safe word. Given the change to renegotiate, I would insist on one, but not for the reason most would think. My limits are pretty high. My owner always stops well befor my limits. I think that if I had a safe word she might be willing to go further. As it is, I think she stops early because she's afraid of exceeding my limits.
My Mistress has decided a safe word is ...used as a reminder to her...not guaranteed to work. and it usually doesnt...if I were to have a safe word it would imply control. In some cases I have abrogated my right to use a reminder, if caught smelling her panty drawer, in her closet smelling her clothes etc without pernmission. A mistress should always exceed ones limits to insure sincere respect and total attentiveness by the submissive.
when my new owner offered me a safeword i turned it down. I trust him to know my limits and to know when i cant take any more pain. Ive found that when i have a safeword i tend to use it when it gets bad but i dont want to do it. I want it to go on but its a natural response to pain. So for me its better if i leave the choice up to him.
I tend to disagree with most of the posts on this thread. One time, early in our intimate relationship, my bf went too far and had to work very hard to regain my trust. A safe word would have prevented that from happening. It can be very hard to tell the difference between a verbal protest that really means "keep going" and one that really means "STOP NOW!".
I agree a safe word is necessary for that. Not everyone is a bor 24/7 slave, and trust isnt easy to gain...
for one i would not agree to a situationwhen i know i cant make my hands free if needed. Not only couse of untrust, but 100 safe sessions do not garantee that 101st will be safe too. Just imagine your top getting a heart attack or something, and you cant do a thing about it couse youre tied. I know the chanches are small, still it can happen. I do not think anyone could put up with seeing the top getting hurt or dieing...
I'm new to subbing. My profile even says so. I need the safe word right now. But not so much for me.
I can take the pain. My Goddess' teeth touched through my flesh, and I could take it. But, she had chosen not to bind me, and it scared me because my body still reacts to the idea of "if it's hurting you, prevent it.", so I move involuntarily. I have some control at first, and I'm gaining control, but I don't have enough yet and I become scared of what my body will do. I want nothing more than my Goddesses happiness, and I have the feeling being hit while my body is flailing about in anguish would not make her happy, so I need the safeword for when I am afraid of what I am doing.
For a new sub it is imperative to have a safe word. You are not sure of your threshold or limitations.
Now as an experienced sub my Daddy and I have a safe word in place but it seen more as whining when used. He is reads my body language and is in full understanding of how much I can take before he has to allow me rest.
That only comes with experience and time.
I do allot of sessions with professionals. They don't know my limits (especially during a first session), but I don't usually need to say the safeword, as most of their activities lean towards safety and wanting repeat customers.
Some safewords are obvious (Mercy, Toilet, etc) but given the scenario you'll want something unrelated. Ie: my last safeword was "pineapple", but that could be bad during a session involving food. I also know someone who had the safeword "telephone" and the session was interupted by a 2nd Domme who said something about answering the telephone, it brought the slave out of subspace and generally ruined the mood.
I don't like safe words, not because of any issue of trust, but because I don't feel like it's true dominance if I can call it off at any point.
Safe words are designed to be completely off topic and never to come up regularly in sex/conversation. They're to be used if the Dom goes too far somehow and the sub wants to call it off. The purpose of its irrelevancy is because words like "No." and "Stop." crop up fairly often, and can be easily disregarded.
The option of use is best left to an agreement between Dom and sub, though I would recommend using them until you trust the person.
It surprises me that the folks here talk about trust, as if that's the only reason to have a safe word. Safe words are an important part of the "safe" part of 'safe, sane, consensual". It's one thing to say, "I trust my Master to know my limits." What happens if you have a medical emergency pop up?
I wouldn't think of doing BDSM without having a safe word. This comes from the fact that my wife is diabetic, and there are certain things we have to watch for. (In fact, one issue isn't pain but whenever she has a lack of pain.)
safe word info
i have a safe word, Master and i discussed it at the very beginning of our relationship. i have used it - once - because i have asthma, and i couldn't breathe.
i would NEVER use my safeword to stop something because 'it hurt' or because i just 'didn't feel like it' because not only would that be a huge breach of trust, but if i use my safe word, yes everything immediately STOPS -- permanently for that day.
my slave and i have a safe-word but haven't used it in the 4 years since we found one-another
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