S&M.... Help?

Master_J

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Ok, so i love most general things about BDSM lifestyle.... except S&M (pain play)

This makes me very sad sometimes.... That i just cant enjoy it, pain is a turn-off for me. And inflicting serious pain is also a turn-off for me (however i dont mind whipping my slave, spanking hard, slapping) its just the hardcore stuff like bloodletting, and torture that i cant stomach.

The problem im having is that so many people love pain-play, and i want to be more flexible in what i can do, but its really tough for me to go through with S&M.

is anyone else in a similar situation? Is there anything i could do to improve my flexibility with this?
 
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Well, what you need to ask yourself is, why cant you get into it? I mean, is it just that you feel squeamish at the prospect of inflicting the pain, or are you afraid of what your sub will be experiencing?

Because remember, no two people have the same definition of 'extreme pain', and different people can take different amounts. My pain threshold has improved since I began regular BDSM play, but is still lower than I would like it to be. However, it's a matter of working out how to improve my pain threshold without doing anything too heavy, which could cause physical or even psychological damage.

If you are in any way curious, why not try inflicting some painful practice on yourself first, just to see what it's like? And talk to your sub, see how she feels, and how much, if any, pai she is willing to take. Then, hopefully, between the two of you, you can come to some kind of arrangement that suits you both.

Good luck :)
 
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Hey J, I have always seen BDSM on a spectrum and all of us lie somewhere on that spectrum. Some of us love it all and others just one specific fetish. Wherever you are in between is fine if that's where you feel most at home and comfortable in your own skin. If you want to expand your horizons then absolutely go slow and gradually increase what you can dish out and your sub can take until you are both satisfied, but don't feel that you have to be into S&M to be a powerful master. The important thing is that you and your sub are on the same page.
 
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