S&M.... Help?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Master_J, Aug 4, 2009.

  1. Master_J

    Master_J Member

    Ok, so i love most general things about BDSM lifestyle.... except S&M (pain play)

    This makes me very sad sometimes.... That i just cant enjoy it, pain is a turn-off for me. And inflicting serious pain is also a turn-off for me (however i dont mind whipping my slave, spanking hard, slapping) its just the hardcore stuff like bloodletting, and torture that i cant stomach.

    The problem im having is that so many people love pain-play, and i want to be more flexible in what i can do, but its really tough for me to go through with S&M.

    is anyone else in a similar situation? Is there anything i could do to improve my flexibility with this?
  2. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    J i don't think there is something to make you love torturing and blood

    and have you ever tried boodletting and torturing? you only say you don't stomach it but when you'll try you may like
  3. Master_J

    Master_J Member

    well jey its not just torture and blood, any "higher scale" pain in general

    basically im depressed that i cant get into it, so many people enjoy it
  4. Well, what you need to ask yourself is, why cant you get into it? I mean, is it just that you feel squeamish at the prospect of inflicting the pain, or are you afraid of what your sub will be experiencing?

    Because remember, no two people have the same definition of 'extreme pain', and different people can take different amounts. My pain threshold has improved since I began regular BDSM play, but is still lower than I would like it to be. However, it's a matter of working out how to improve my pain threshold without doing anything too heavy, which could cause physical or even psychological damage.

    If you are in any way curious, why not try inflicting some painful practice on yourself first, just to see what it's like? And talk to your sub, see how she feels, and how much, if any, pai she is willing to take. Then, hopefully, between the two of you, you can come to some kind of arrangement that suits you both.

    Good luck :)
  5. Master_J

    Master_J Member

    Thanks puppy, i guess ill give that a shot
  6. I was just about to put 'It can't hurt to try', and then I realised... :rolleyes: :D
  7. Master_J

    Master_J Member

    haha yeah :p
  8. monocrome

    monocrome Member

    i think the biggest question is what are you and yours "into" regarding levels of pain. there's absolutely NOTHING that says you have to enjoy every portion of bdsm life/play. if your partner wants you to play more roughly or cause more pain, i would suggest mentally approaching it differently and thinking of it as causing your partner pleasure rather than creating pain.
  9. subspace

    subspace Member

    Hey J, I have always seen BDSM on a spectrum and all of us lie somewhere on that spectrum. Some of us love it all and others just one specific fetish. Wherever you are in between is fine if that's where you feel most at home and comfortable in your own skin. If you want to expand your horizons then absolutely go slow and gradually increase what you can dish out and your sub can take until you are both satisfied, but don't feel that you have to be into S&M to be a powerful master. The important thing is that you and your sub are on the same page.
  10. monocrome

    monocrome Member

    what she said :)
  11. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    i think it was something really smart...

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