Respect at BDSM scenes around the world

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by vongikking, Jul 16, 2009.

  1. vongikking

    vongikking New Member

    I just started a thread on fetlife about the Brazilian BDSM scene mainly the scene from the city I'm from (Rio de Janeiro), raising the question: "Are we (Brasilians) ready for a BDSM scene?"

    By scene I mean group of people sharing information and exchanging experiences. I won't translate the whole text because its kind of big and wouldnt be interesting, the thing is, I tell some of the few experiences I had trough the years with the BDSM scene, the firs of all, when I was at mIRC channers and there were lots and serious rules about how to behave and how to not hit on other people subs, etc, not just a guideline of how a nice person behaves, but the tone expressed how serious problem this was at the channel.

    I don't go to BDSM parties here, there are just not my thing, expensive, with much older people (I'm 25, the avarage is 40), doing things I'm not into (trampling, exposition etc), So I went just a few times to know what it was about then didn't return.

    The thing is, and the motive I started my thread at fetlife was that a few months ago, I started dating a young sub, and she was just discovering herself at the bdsm world, so she started to talk to people from the so called scene, and what was my surprise to hear from her, since we decided I would be her owner/Master and she started to deny the pleas of other Doms to became their slaves, that thes so called "scene people" tryied to convince her that she shouldnt be with me, because I wasn't a serious person, I wasnt a real Dom, was just playing Dom. and what drove them to this conclusion was the simple fact I didn't went to BDSM partyies or other "scene" BDSM encounters.

    Apar from that, the same people tryied to take advantage of her fragilities to drive her away from me.

    So, my point is, I opened a thread rasing the issue about is this a so comon thing at Brasilian scene that shows we are not ready for a respectful scene or did I just had a real bad luck, of course "Bad/Evil" (just for the lack of a better term since my english vocabulary is not that extensive) persons will allways be present on any scene, but is it so often in Brasil?

    Actualy I brought the issue here to ask, does around the world scenes also have this issues? The constant need to police others or the will exagerate?

    I Was actualy very happy when I registred here to see a level of respect with the members, not just people arguing something and hitting on each other tiresly.




    Sorry for the english mistakes.
     
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  2. praefect

    praefect Member

    Hey there.

    My only experience is the limited exposure I had with the German scene. I never encountered anything there like you're describing. If anything, it was the opposite, people refusing to take a position and judge someone's lifestyle no matter what. "To each their own" was like a collective mantra. That bothered me a little bit. Not because I think tolerance towards other types of lifestyles is a bad thing, but there comes a point where a person should take a position and say "this is wrong" and that never happened.

    I remember one discussion once about forced mutilation in a M/s relationship (in the context of tattoos), and when I saw that nobody wanted to judge it in any way I kept pushing people, thinking of some disturbing imagery to use as an example. Like Master cutting off slaves fingers for bad behavior. "To each their own", "whatever floats their boat". I guess a disturbing amount for tolerance is still better than what your describing though.

    And another thing that bothered me was status. Slaves are seen as lesser than non slaves. There was a long time domme that refused to go back to meets because she eventually switched to being a submissive, and the humiliation and loss of status was too much for her to face.

    There's something about what you're describing...

    There's something about people that are fast to exclude others from their club because they don't behave according to a certain set of made up rules they themselves follow religiously that I associate with identity crisis. Usually it's the people who are the most unsure of what they're doing or of who they themselves are that are the fastest to judge others for doing things differently, doing it "outside the box"... right? Ah, I don't know.
     

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