Recognizing "your own"?

SubAnna

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I'm the same (only male lol). I was, and still am, considered a good influence. Mothers love me around their daughters…fathers hate it though, I think they know something about my sexual fantasies. :confused: Lol.

Well you’re my idea of a good influence if you got any other “good-girls†into D/s. :D lol.

Can't go around recruiting innocent girls.. :eek: I would become the bad influence. After all being the "good girl" does give you some advantages once in a while, so I think I might just stick with my natural hair colour :p

Honestly, my experience is that parents who divide their children's friends in good and bad influences are sometimes wrong big time.. I mean I have seen several of my "good-image-sisters" doing coke, stealing and lying..
 
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sebastian

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Honestly, as a gay man with feminist leanings, I have no idea how a straight man can dom a straight woman without it crossing over toward something non-consensual and degrading (in a negative sense) to the woman. I'm not saying that it does, just that I can't understand how it doesn't. The dynamic seems so different from what happens between two guys. I guess this is why I'm queer. Well, that and the fact that I love cock.
 
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Darktruth

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Can't go around recruiting innocent girls.. :eek: I would become the bad influence. After all being the "good girl" does give you some advantages once in a while, so I think I might just stick with my natural hair colour :p

Think of it as “introducing†rather than recruiting. ;) :D lol.

Sebastian – I’m not entirely following mate. I’ve reread your post three times and I’ve got three different meanings out of it somehow (I have no idea how I’ve done that). :eek::confused: I'm thick as mud sometimes, I'm thicker still when I manage to confuse myself. :eek: I expect to wake up in the morning, read it again and understand it perfectly well.

Out of interest, how is the dynamic different between two guys? :D
 
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sillylittlepet

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Honestly, as a gay man with feminist leanings, I have no idea how a straight man can dom a straight woman without it crossing over toward something non-consensual and degrading (in a negative sense) to the woman. I'm not saying that it does, just that I can't understand how it doesn't.

while I have the fear that other people will see it this way, I never have thought about it like that and neither has my master.

well... okay that's a lie. Whenever I watch bdsm porn I feel really uncomfortable, because I don't know that those people have a loving relationship and it LOOKS like abuse. But in my own relationship, and hearing about other people's relationships here, there's never even the thought of domestic violence of non-con or degradation.

I'm a little surprised sebastian! Its consensual because both people have agreed to it. If a man and woman were in a D/s relationship, but only the man really wanted to dom or enjoyed bdsm, then yeah that would be messed up.

Why would it be degrading in a negative way?
 
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sebastian

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Why is it that straights can recruit and gays can't? It's not fair.

Well, maybe I wasn't very clear. I'm just saying that in straight relationships there such a long history of men abusing their wives and girlfriends that it casts an amazingly long shadow over d/s play. I just can't understand how a dom man could, for example, tie up his wife and subject her to erotic torture, without that shadow putting in an appearance. I realize that dom men are perfectly capable of respecting their submissive women, but instinctively, I don't see how it doesn't start to edge over into something more abusive.

Between two guys, there isn't that shadow of domestic abuse (not to say that domestic abuse doesn't happen in gay relationships--it does, but it doesn't cast such a long shadow). When I 'abuse' a boy (by which I mean a submissive man, not literally a boy), I luxuriate in his toughness, the ability of his masculine body to endure what I'm dishing out. I encourage him to bear up as long as he can. So it becomes a celebration of male strength, I suppose.

Also, there's a long tradition of men exploring dominance in non-abusive ways. For example, I just got back from International Mr Leather in Chicago, the biggest gay kink convention there is. Last night, out in the lobby, I watched these two guys engaging in horseplay. One was in his early 40s, short, ripped body, very masculine looking; the other was in his mid-20s, some less defined but still beefy, and nearly a head taller. The larger guy was rough-housing with the smaller guy, punching him, wrestling with him, putting him in a headlock, and stuff like that. It was typical male horseplay, except that in this context, he was clearly establishing his dominance over the other guy, who was obviously his boy, at least at the moment. If the older guy had been a woman instead of a man, it would have looked like domestic violence, but as it was, it was literally beautiful to watch--two men reveling in their bodies, their strength, and the dominance game that was happening between them. There was nothing overtly sexual about it, but it was quite arousing to watch.
 
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sebastian

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Silly, what I'm really saying is that as a gay man, I have fewer instincts for how a maledom/femsub couple works. I understand intellectually that it can be loving and consensual and respectful and all the other good things that d/s needs to be. I just can't entirely wrap my head around it emotionally. From the outside, it looks abusive to me. I realize that d/s play always looks abusive from the outside; I just can't see how it doesn't creep toward actual abuse.

I'm absolutely not trying to deride the maledom/femsubs on this forum. Keep in mind, I still don't understand how straight couples manage to get together in the first place. I can't imagine trying to communicate across the gender divide with my partner. It's so wonderful when I'm with another guy and I know that he just 'gets it'.
 
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Darktruth

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Silly, what I'm really saying is that as a gay man, I have fewer instincts for how a maledom/femsub couple works. I understand intellectually that it can be loving and consensual and respectful and all the other good things that d/s needs to be. I just can't entirely wrap my head around it emotionally. From the outside, it looks abusive to me. I realize that d/s play always looks abusive from the outside; I just can't see how it doesn't creep toward actual abuse.

That’s something I can answer very simply but I can only speak for myself, it would be nice if others chipped in with their sixpence though. :D

There is nothing that hurts me as much as seeing somebody suffer a harmful relationship. The idea that somebody placed their trust in another person only to be hurt (in a bad way) is something that really, really pisses me off. I hate seeing a woman cry “bad tears†because I just want to hold them and make it all okay again…I could never make a woman cry bad tears because I just hate seeing it so much, the thought alone is making me quite angry to be honest. :mad::eek:

I think most Doms (probably Subs as well but I can’t comment on them) would hate to cause their Sub any real harm because it would hurt them as well. Nobody could deliberately harm the person they care about the most especially if they were bound and couldn’t fight back. I’m not on about hurt, I mean actually harm (neither Safe, Sane nor Consensual).

My motto is simple, “it’s better to have a happy sub/slave how wants to serve than a sad sub/slave who’s made to serveâ€. I can’t understand how a real dominant could ever harm their sub; the person who puts the most trust into them and the person they’re meant to look after mentally, physically and emotionally. Deliberately harming your Sub is surely the lowest thing a dominant can ever do and it’s certainly something I could never do. :mad:

Besides, most Dom’s really do love their Subs whereas abusers don’t love their victims. :D


And yes…“good tearsâ€, on the other hand, are a different kettle of fish. ;) :D
 
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sebastian

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Dark, yes, I understand what you're saying. I feel very much the same way about my boys. I want them to enjoy how I use them and would be upset to actually harm any of them. In fact, I'm probably too focused on their needs at times. But at the same time, there's something that eludes me about straight, maledom relationships. I get 95% of it, because it's the same for gay d/s relationships. But that last 5% confuses me.
 
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