real life V's online

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by storm, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. storm

    storm Guest

    hi everyone.

    I am really just looking for some opinions out of my new D/s relationship. He has his and i have mine. both are from very different views

    I have in the past always had RL D/s relationships. last one was for 8yrs with my ex husband. after that ended i wanted to try online partly to meet new people, i stay in a small area and in the BDSM comunity we all know each other.

    anyway, i am seriously finding the adjustment from RL to online so hard. i just cant see how it can work. My master is really truly wonderful i care about him a lot, i would hate for this to be the straw that broke the camels back
    Sir is from the world of Online D/s relationships and this one is my first. i have so many questions and doubts as to how it can work. i know its early we have been doing this for nearly 3 weeks but flags are coming up and i dont want to ignore them to find 6 months down the line i was right and its hurts more

    ok the big ones seem to be.

    aftercare and subdrop. it seems so easy to forget that every thing you say or ask your sub to do has an effect on the sub and effect that in some way needs to be managed, be it to ask how it was or talk about it or to help them with proper aftercare. and thank you even from a dom when a limit is pushed is nice too.

    my fear is another big one that is really stopping me from letting down my walls, its so easy to walk away on line stop the contact where as i am submitting like i would in RL i am so scared i am just setting myself up to be hurt.

    oh i am very confused, lol
    has anyone else ever made the switch and made it work or even anyone in an online relationship who can give me advice. that would be great

    thank you so much
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Storm, virtual power exchange is more complex than RL power exchange, but sometimes it's the only real option.

    Have you expressed these reservations to your dom? Because in BDSM, the first thing to do any time there is a problem is talk about it. Communication is critical, especially in virtual BDSM, because communication is all there is. It's the medium through which power is exchanged.

    Having said that, it will also help if you make an internal commitment to not walk away at the first bump. The sub has to be committed to making things work. In my experience, that has always been the obstacle. The sub walks away, or else I think the sub is walking away.
  3. storm

    storm Guest

    thank you Sebastian

    I have spoken or am speaking to him about it. I really just wanted some outside advice from other online subs.

    Your so right, the fact that it is far more complex is what i am finding, trying to second guess what each other are thinking or feeling. in RL its so easy to take ques from each other. I don't want to walk away, i am not the type of person to walk away at the first bump. But i do really worry he will get fed up with my lack of understanding and unease of the online world. I am so committed to making this work, he is am amazing man and i am lucky to have him. But i am just scared and have no idea how in this online world to look after myself emotionally.

    thanks again Sebastian
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Have you read the Newcomer's FAQ? Pay attention to my post about the Outer and Inner Layers. My advice would be to concentrate on the Inner Layer--build really strong communication where the two of you focus on what feels good for you both. Once you've got that down, then explore the Outer Layer.

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