question for those in 24/7 relationships

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by rose4Mistress, Dec 27, 2010.

  1. rose4Mistress

    rose4Mistress New Member

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    How did you begin? How did the first few months go? Were you already with your partner, and discovered D/s together? Or did you meet each other knowing you wanted a Master/Mistress/sub/slave? How did you negotiate what areas of your life or your sub's life were controlled? How do you continue to negotiate when life gets in the way?

    Sorry so many questions. The more I learn, the more I know I want to live as my Mistress's possession 24/7, but we're both new to this, and getting there has been difficult so far. We both want this, but we both want it to be a respectful, loving development in our relationship, and we're taking it slow.
  2. Infinia

    Infinia Member

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    may not be the best person to give advice but little bit helps i suppose.
    me and my mistress have only been getting into the 24/7 thing for the last 6 months and it's been a bit of trial and error.
    she's studying for her degree while i work so not exactly the most obvious roles i suppose.
    when we met we were friends mostly and then started dating and only got into the bondage when we felt comfortable enough with eachother to show all of ourselves.
    she showed me her enjoyment for causing pain and i showed her bondage as an outlet for desires. this is my first real relationship and i'm still finding out what i like so far not that much i don't like lol.
    My mistress controles every part of my life except for my business life (work is work simpel as that). There are areas that i know more about and she demands my opinions and i give everything she wants and usually she tells me to deal with that then. I even tutor her on some of her courses, dressed as she desires and doing what she demands. i suppose thats really how we negotiate our life we know what needs to happen in life and if it needs to be done it needs to be done. But she talks to me and wants my input before she makes our decision.
    In the end your still 2 people and you both have a voice, i just prefer having my mistress make the choice.

    hope this kinda helps
  3. rose4Mistress

    rose4Mistress New Member

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    Thanks, Infinia

    That is very helpful, thank you. My Mistress and I talked it over a bit yesterday, and it sounds like we have pretty much the same goals. It should be fun, and fulfilling, to incorporate her ideas with mine, and create a system that works for both of us. I'm excited! :D
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    I've never been in a bdsm relationship, so I can only offer some general thoughts, but my advice is to have lots of talks about it and work into it gradually. Find some key things where you want to surrender control and she wants to take it (for example, she gets to choose your clothes every day and you accept a set of weekly chores to do), and then once the two of you decide that those are working, add a few more. That way both of you get practice in your responsibilities gradually. I would think that going from zero to 60 in a 24/7 relationship would have a lot more pitfalls than slowly increasing the speed.

    Also, I think it's important to understand that you as the sub are not the only one who has to learn your role. Your mistress is going to need time to adjust to her responsibilities, since she's now 'choosing for two', instead of just making choices that affect her alone. She needs time to adjust to the obligations she is taking on, and you need to recognize that she has a learning curve as much as you do.
  5. Infinia

    Infinia Member

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    I think the speed is determined by the people really it took mistress a while to get used to having so much controle over someone else because she was afraid of being abusive. Recently she has gotten used to it though and its asif the floodgates have opened and she pretty much takes full controle now.

    For us it probably helped we moved in together very early in the relationship and without really talking about it or thinking about it we each picked our job in the relationship. From the first day I moved in with mistress i've been doing all the housework because it feels right for both of us.

    Personally i believe a relationship is less talking and more feeling. while play sessions are more talking. You both need to feel comfortable in your life and what you do and if it feels right for both of you sometimes you simply dont talk about it just do it. A big thing for a full time relationship is the mental connection, no i don't mean being psychic and stuff but there is a factor of learning about each other so much you know what they other wants or needs.
    Mistress does more housework because i have a job to help me out but she'll purposely leave things undone so i can do them and get the mental satisfaction from it. they're small things that dont take much time but we never talked about it she just knows i need to feel that satisfaction of serving her by doing housework and she gives it to me.

    It does take time but the more you connect on your pase the more you'll feel it and simply do things for each other.
  6. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

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    My tidbit is this:

    Remember that you are a couple first. If the non-bdsm aspect of your life is suffering, so will the bdsm aspect and vice versa.

    My puppy and I have been meaning to ease into a 24/7 relationship for MONTHS now, yet we still keep not doing it because we keep having issues with our relationship come up and we're just not ready yet. So take it slow as well, I guess. You have all the time in the world.
  7. Nuka

    Nuka Member

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    Myself and ashlie are living together in her parent's house. So a 24/7 relationship is a bit touch and go. But it works for us.

    In private it's the "yes Master" etc, and when around the other people in the house it's a small gesture such as a hidden nod, a certain look in the eyes or even the tone of voice. Also in public you can do so much when walking around (you don't need the lead and collar all the time!)

    The private aspect of the 24/7 relationship though can be as controlled as we like, we have a list of 115 rules, with punishments to match any that are broken. Some of this can get rather interesting however, such as ashlie being in her penultimate year at school (Year 12 British style - 6th Form/First year college) and Nuka is in university. So punishments can be writing lines in the view of others in her class, etc.

    It depends on your relationship as it stands. For the pair of us, we were aware of BDSM but hadn't thought about it, we played around with D/s in the bedroom and settled on how it is now, the rules and 24/7 lifestyle fell into place shortly after.

    My advice would be don't try to force it upon yourselves, let it occur naturally, find compromises, whoever the sub is must be prepared to live the rules permenantly. Good behaviour in general prompts reward, bad behaviour can be seen to with slight neglect or a full on punishment.

    It also doesn't mean you have to be sexual constantly, more... a case of "who wears the trousers?".

    Hope W/we helped out a bit...
  8. TwistedSister

    TwistedSister New Member

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    When I finally figured out I was missing BDSM in my relationships, I began to actively find out more. I came to sites like this, and a few others. Eventually met like-minded people and got a feel for how I thought a BDSM relationship should be. After I figured all of that out, I started looking for someone that I could build a relationship with. I was fortunate to find an experienced Dom who was patient, yet still pushes my limits. For me, this is a good thing. I live it 24/7 although we do not cohabitate. Logistics dictate a physical space between us during the week.
    Anyway - I found what I thought I wanted. I reasearched what I thought I wanted. I talked and talked and wrote and questioned and wondered about what I thought I wanted. What I found is a relationship.

    It started out as a temporary thing ... He would consider me for a collar and I would consider him as a Dom. That went well. After about 6 months, we reneogotiated - we decided a training collar was appropriate. He offered one, I accepted the same.

    During the entire process we talked, he prodded and probed, I questioned and together we defined roles as we thought they should be for us. He permanently collared me, again after discussion and definition of roles. He offered, I accepted. I need to say we discussed these roles. As his submissive was I never to question him? Only question him in private? Question him when I was unsure? Together we decided the best sort of thing for us (as I am very curious and questioning person). Then he asked me about what I expected from him. I NEVER had that discussion with a vanilla partner. But yes, I told him of those thoughts I had regarding what a Dom should be in my life. It is really sort of cool. Do I have questions, HELL YES! I have posted 2 things in this forum alone trying to ascertain what is good for me, for him and for us. He pushes my limits, which is good. Others make me question things, which isn't good - but I still discuss them.

    We are not a strict BDSM couple. We are not Gor nor am I his slave. I am his submissive. We do have roles and responsibilities. In a way it is almost easier than a "vanilla" relationship, asroles andresponsibilities are rarely discussed as thourougly as they are in a BDSM relationship. And I would think it would transcend any sort of relationship... straight, gay, non-bdsm, bdsm. Just communicate as honestly as each can at that point. And if you find out at a later date there is additional information - well then provide it at that time.

    I hope this helps a little. Perhaps not, as I am in a state of flux ( as I have been for 40 years). Communication is the key ... more so in the lifestyle I think ... Good luck and happy days to you.
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2010

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