Please share an opinion on this

Unregistered · May 28, 2013

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, and the sex is great. Out of nowhere he recently told me he would like to be my slave. I have not had this type of experience before but I could tell by the way he kept calling me mistress that it was something he really wanted. He said he wanted me to tie/spank/blindfold and all that.. but then he wants me to call him a "dirty whore" or a "slut"... why would a man want me to call him these things when its usually for women?

Then after I have been studying and reading for a month (he has been away for work so we are long distance) on how to be his mistress.. he wrote up a contract that had me as the dom and him the slave.. I am very new to this but willing to do it.. Then one week later he announces he wants to be the one to dominate me mostly with only me being in charge once in a while..

Now im confused and could really use some opinions/advice

Smallest · May 28, 2013

(Quick disclaimer: some people feel offended by statements like those below, so please remember that all I know about your situation is from your post)

First, I suggest you read the Newcomer's FAQ, it has a wealth of information.

To answer one of your smaller questions, it is very normal for male subs to like humiliation, and just as common for them to like either feminization or just degradation (and remember, males don't really have an equivalent of slut or whore, other than manslut and manwhore, which have different connotations).

What concerns me in what you say is that there is basically no communication. He has told you want he wants, but it sounds like he comes up with his fantasy and says "I want this." BDSM is all about communication and consent, those are what makes it safe. Although it was harmless, he shouldn't have been calling you mistress before you had discussed what his submission and your dominance would mean, what both of your limits were, and so on, and gotten your consent for it- even dominants, when they seem to be given control, can be made uncomfortable by that sort of thing. Both of you need to make your limits and desires clear, and both of you need to discuss why, how, and which of these wants will actually happen.

On the last part, he could be a switch (into both domming and subbing), or unsure, or playing mind games, or ashamed about being a male and submitting, or anything else. This is why you need to talk about it. We can't tell you what he's thinking.

If limits aren't set out, safewords aren't used, and play isn't discussed, it is very likely that play will, for one of the two of you, turn into rape or assault because the acting dom won't know when to stop.
So please, both of you read the FAQ and do other research and talk it out. It really sounds like even as clueless as you feel, you have a better idea than he does about what is going on and have done more research. He has a vague idea of what he wants. Even if you aren't sure of your wants (Dom, sub, vanilla, whatever), you are at least making an effort to learn the facts.

Please share an opinion on this

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