Personals Posting and Reply Guide

[Smallest]

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While the advice below is a guide, not a rulebook, it is a rule to respect other members and treat them well. Abusive behaviour will not be tolerated.

Using the Personals Forum

When posting a personal ad:

• Make the title clear and concise
• Be specific about what you want
• Be safe. Don't share your main email/skype immediately (if posted in your thread, you risk it being lifted for spammers anyway)
• Share whatever details you are comfortable with
• Focus on the details important to you. Want someone for cybering? List some stuff about what you roleplay. Want someone for not-just-kink? List hobbies and other interests as well. Want it non sexual? Avoid unnecessary physical details.
• State how you want to be contacted- in the thread, by PM, by email, etc
• Be polite when you turn someone down.

When replying to a personal ad:

• Approach people who are looking for what you have to give. If you are a straight male sub, do not approach a female sub and try to grovel at her until she humiliates you. If you are a dom, don't try to convince other doms that they want to submit to you. They don't.
• Do not send the same copy/pasted messages to every person. Write a real response, or at least edit it and
• Show that you actually care and can make an effort in your messages. Part because it is polite, and part because if you do not, people will assume you are just as lazy a partner the rest of the time.
• Check when the ad was posted and when the member was last online before you reply.
• Unless the ad directly states that it is what the person wants, do not start by approaching them with explicit fantasies. It is rude, and it is not safe, sane, and consensual.
• Reply in the manner requested in the thread (thread reply, PM, email, etc)
• Give details about yourself and participate in the conversation. If you are the one contacting someone, you should be showing why.
• No answer is an answer.

In general:

• Be careful with your information
• Be honest and direct
• Be patient
• Use readable text. Not chat speak, not weird colour fonts, not broken statements.
• Do not try to start domming or submitting to the person (such as by sending a grovelling message to a Domme or talking down to a sub) until after you have obtained their consent and mutual interest
• If you are new to kink, read the FAQ, Etiquette, and any other threads of interest, so you can say something other than 'I want to try things!' and can conduct yourself well
• Respect the other person, whether they're dom, sub, switch, sadist, masochist, man, woman, whatever.
• Reply to your messages, and keep an eye on your inbox (or email, or thread). It isn't nice to disappear on people.
• Remember that despite someone's role in BDSM, they are their own person. A sub can refuse you. A dom can need a hug.
• If someone says 'no,' safewords, or turns you down, let them. Do not harass them, try to change their mind, or continue a scene. It does not matter if they were the one who approached you. It does not matter if they seemed interested before. It does not matter if you want them. It does not matter if you think they are rude. If someone says that they are not interested or want to stop, that is the only thing that matters. Stop immediately and cease contact.
• Report abuse. We cannot do much if it occurs off of the forum, but if someone is displaying predatory behaviour or harassing you, we can do our best. * If you feel immediately threatened, call 911 or your country's emergency code.

Now, if you don't know exactly how to say what you need...

A General Form and Format Guide for Posts:

[Experience level] [gender] [role], seeking [local/online] [dom/sub/other] for [long term/short term/cyber/friendship]

Hello! My name is [first name or nick name]. I am [nationality, age, and/or other details]. I have [amount] experience in BDSM as a [role and type of relationship]. My hobbies are [hobbies], and in kink I like [kinks].

I am seeking [friends/a partner] for [play/talk/long term]. I would like someone who is [qualities].

Thank you, and please contact me via [contact method and info]!

If I was seeking kinky cybering, this would look like:

Experienced fsub, seeking sexy kinky chat

My name is Smallest. I'm a petite blonde college kid, and I have three years of experience in BDSM as a real-time submissive. I think my figure is my best asset, I love showing my breasts in low cut tops. I love dirty talk, spanking, and anal.

I am seeking guys to skype with. I need a dominant male, preferably with a camera and good with his words.

Thank you- contact me via PM for my details.

If I was looking for people to talk kink with:

Experienced fsub, seeking online friends to talk with

Hello! My name is Smallest. I have three years of experience in BDSM as a submissive, in one long term relationship, and occasionally attend munches with my partner. I'm 21 and Canadian. My hobbies are mostly reading and writing, and in kink I like pet play, pain play, and service submission.

I am seeking friends to talk to online. I like people who are friendly, open, and well-spoken, and I get along best with dominants and other fsubs.

Thank you, and please contact me via PM if you are interested!

Or if I was looking for a serious long term partner:

Experienced BC fsub, seeking a dominant partner for long term, real life love

Hello, my name is Smallest. I have three years of experience in BDSM as a submissive. My hobbies are mostly reading and writing, and in kink I like pet play, pain play, and service submission. I am from the lower mainland in BC, Canada.

I have been single a while, but kink is important to me, and I'm ready to have a regular partner again. I'm 21, no smoking, alcohol, drugs, or STDs, and I am studying social work. I like people who are friendly, open, and well-spoken. Humour is important to me, and a connection comes before looks.

Thank you. Please contact me via PM if you think we are likely partners.

Replies should follow the same format, and take their cues from the original personal ad. Always be polite.
A basic reply:

Hello - saw your ad on [website]
Hi, my name is [name/nick]. I saw your ad on [where it was], and I am interested.

I am a [gender/role] and [location/age/other details]. I am also into [shared interest] and looking for [relationship]. [If they have a profile, you should also include something that you saw on it and found intriguing.]

Some of my other interests include [non-shared hobbies, interests etc]. I am [other details about self].

I hope we can get in touch- if you are interested you can reply to me [through the same messaging platform, at an email, etc].

If I was replying to a personal looking for a sub, I might say

Hello- I saw your ad on SMplace
Hi, my name is Smallest. I saw your ad on here, and I am interested.

I am an experienced female sub, and a university student studying Social Work. I am looking for a serious D/s LTR and like you, I'm into whipping, role play, and forced bi, as well as writing and hiking, so I think we would match well.

Some of my other interests include studying exotic animals, reading, and travelling. I'm healthy, non-smoking, and sober.

I hope we can get in touch- if you want, you can reply to this email address

Or perhaps if it was on Fetlife or something similar

Hello - saw your ad on in the BC Personals group
Hi, my name is Smallest. I saw your ad on the local personals group on Fetlife, and I am interested.

I am an experienced female submissive. I'm 21 now, and grew up in the area. I am also into whipping and occasional power exchange play, and like you I'm just looking for an occasional D/s play partner. On your profile you mentioned that you trained with a pro-domme; that sounds really interesting and I'd like to hear about it. I also see that you have done piercing play, which I'd really like to try.

Some of my other interests include writing, pets, and reading. I'm into DLG, but not looking for that as a relationship right now.

I hope we can get in touch- if you are interested you can reply to me here!

I hope this has been helpful and will aid you in your relationship-seeking endeavours here and on other sites.

NB: I (Smallest) am not seeking, and not into every one of the things I mentioned. All examples here are only examples.
* The forum and mods have a wealth of knowledge on online safety, how to report criminal behaviour in person or online (stalking, harassment, threats), and how to respond to messages that make you uncomfortable. I (Smallest) am reachable by PM, and if my inbox is full, there is a link to my tumblr at the bottom of this post, and you can send an Ask. I am also Smallest on Fetlife.

 

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