Personal Growth

sebastian · Sep 13, 2010

I'm very conscious that growth isn't just for subs, and doms have to be willing to learn from their subs, especially if the sub is more experienced. I played with a boy this weekend who helped me stretch my limits for pain play a little bit--the first time I've ever met a boy who could handle more pain than I wanted to give. And a boy I've been chatting with politely challenged me about a minor behavior of mine this morning, which encouraged me to have the confidence to be more who I am.

Boundperil · Sep 13, 2010

Very powerful. We always learn, I learn so much from each sub I train. One of the rules I have always have had, is never treat any sub the same as the one before. Each person is so much different, yes, we have our tendencies, but just because one set course worked so well with one, may not work with another. Just my 2 cents.

sebastian · Oct 2, 2010

Just had a wonderful little session with a very experienced boy. Told me I had the best verbal skills of any Dom he's been with. Made me feel like I'm really on the right track in my efforts to improve myself.

master jey · Oct 2, 2010

It's pretty interesting congrets

I'm glad bout your growth as a dom
Messing with someones head is quite amusing isn't it?

sebastian · Oct 2, 2010

Yeah. I do a lot of talk that focuses them on what I'm doing to them. "yeah, it really fucking hurts when I smack your balls like this, doesn't it, boy? You'd really like me to stop, wouldn't you? If you beg me enough, I might stop. " I also like insulting them and then making them repeat it. "what a fucking pussyboy you are!". "yes sir, I'm a pussyboy". "no, you're a fucking pussyboy!". That trick generally forces guys into a very submissive place".

AnErieGuy · Oct 4, 2010

Not gonna lie, that's pretty hot! My only conflict is SHOULD you stop him from doing that? I mean honestly it's more a nervous habit to put on a facade of confidence, but for me it helps me cope with things I can't understand, it helps me explain them on a level de-personlized from myself. Again though, I'll do it as a nervous habit and some people think it's amazing, usually people who don't know how to analyze in the first place, and other's just accept it and oo and ah at it. Again though Seb, that musta made him melt somewhere

sebastian · Oct 4, 2010

Erie, a good question. I think the answer is normally, "yes''.
1). As I said, I was feeling like I couldn't dom him. So this helped me see that I could.
2) Subs need to experience their Dom as someone who is strong, aggressive, and confident, and this established that fairly quickly.
3) Subs need to get into submissive headspace, and they won't enjoy the experience as much if they can't get there. In my experience, thinking is the enemy of feeling. I use analysis to buffer my feelings; that's why I could see him doing it. By forcing him to drop that buffer, I helped him move into a place where he could feel the feelings he wanted to feel but wasn't allowing. Many subs need to be forced to feel things they want to feel but can't let themselves feel.

That said, you shouldn't mess with all a sub's defenses just because you can. A Dom should only play headgames that he can be responsible for. If you train a sub to be emotionally dependent on you, it is wrong to simply dump the sub without rebuilding their emotional independence. I know two subs who were treated that way, and both felt like wild animals for a long time afterward.

AnErieGuy · Oct 4, 2010

Ahhhh ok, your latter paragraph cleared things up a bit more lol. I see, I just worry about some people who are "forced" to change their way of thinking of living, if you can't tell, I'm pretty liberal lol. In a sense me not wanting them to change for someone is them forcing a change upon themselves for my sake of wanting them not to change... a logical paradox of sorts, but it's my way of thinking. I don't wanna impose you change your ways either Seb, that's not my intention, I just kinda wanted to see your view and rationalization of what you do ^.^ oh and comment my redundent phrase of "That was hot..."

Personal Growth

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