Personal Growth

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sebastian, Sep 10, 2010.

  1. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I had a small breakthrough as a dom today, and I guess I'm writing this to help me process what happened.

    So I met a prospective sub for coffee. Smart guy, but I couldn't see a sub in him, Normally when I know a guy is submissive, I can start seeing it fairly soon. But I wasn't seeing it, and consequently I was having trouble 'getting my hook' into him, by which I mean I wasn't establishing who was in control.

    But then I realized that he was intellectualizing everything, talking about his experiences very analytically, and using that to buffer his feelings. So I pointed out what he was doing. He got a very startled expression on his face, and then said, "well, I suppose you're right," and proceeded to try an analyze what I had said. "And you're stilling doing it, boy," I said. "I'm not gonna allow that. You're gonna feel what you're feeling."

    He got very quiet, and his body language changed. He sat back in his chair a little bit, like he was a little bit intimidated, and his eyes got that puppy dog sub look. "Yes, sir." At that point, I knew I'd gotten my hook into him. He was very submissive the rest of our chat.

    After I left the coffeeshop, I felt amazing. I'm still not sure why. But something about seeing what he was doing and taking control to prevent it and guide him into his submissive side felt truly dominant, like I had the right to shape him as I wanted to. It made me feel powerful and confident in a new way. Maybe it confirmed for me that I have dominant instincts and that this isn't just a game I play.
  2. decoyicus

    decoyicus Member

    wow you certainly have a nack for getting into peoples heads Sebastian I have red quite a few stories about breaking down a sub with many different methods (Punishment, verbal abuse , humiliation) but never anything quite as quick or as effective as this I hope one day I can be as skilled at this kind of headfuckerie if you didn't already have my respect as a fellow dom you would now
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Thanks, Decoy. The psych stuff is my specialty, but felt like this was a particular triumph. He even commented about how I got into his head.
  4. decoyicus

    decoyicus Member

    you would have made a great psychologist you put your skills to a more sadistic use but oh well at least you are using them lol
  5. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    Congratulations :] that is completely awesome.

    chibiTHETERRIBLE New Member

    I think that this type of scenario is what establishes you as a truly wonderful Dom. When you get to see that look, hear it in their voice, and watch their movements change, it's got to be the best feeling. For me, being owned or owning someone else, has NEVER occurred or prospered without that dynamic. domination is more than just beating someone up, forcing your desires, or having a slutty person around who just wants you to like them. Sebastian, that's awesome.
  7. Ceilidh

    Ceilidh Member

    Wow Seb. Congrats.


    I think I will be in awe of you for a few hours now.
  8. Seb, well done that man. :cool:
    I think you believe in yourself. This is important.
    I have a cop mate who has developed a 'this is how it's going to be' attitude
    with people, [some very difficult people] and self belief is a powerful tool.
  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Thanks for all the compliments. I think part of why it felt so important is that I've always been very conscious of the performative element of being a dom. There's a fair amount of stuff when I dom not because I really need to do it but because it helps create the right experience for the boy. (For example, when a boy knocks on my apartment door, I usually walk very slowly toward the door because it allows my boots to echo on the floor ominously, which I hope seems a little intimidating to the boy). But I think that, because I've been so conscious of needing to perform a little for the boy, I've sort of felt that my dom persona isn't really a piece of me, but just something I pretend to do. So this experience with the boy taught me that I'm not faking or acting; it's who I am.
  10. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    You know Seb... some things can only come about thru time and experience, like the ability to be who you are and just listen..... suppressing the need to push your persona out, ....enough to feel theirs.

    Thank you for sharing this. I/we forget sometimes.
  11. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I'm very conscious that growth isn't just for subs, and doms have to be willing to learn from their subs, especially if the sub is more experienced. I played with a boy this weekend who helped me stretch my limits for pain play a little bit--the first time I've ever met a boy who could handle more pain than I wanted to give. And a boy I've been chatting with politely challenged me about a minor behavior of mine this morning, which encouraged me to have the confidence to be more who I am.
  12. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

    Very powerful. We always learn, I learn so much from each sub I train. One of the rules I have always have had, is never treat any sub the same as the one before. Each person is so much different, yes, we have our tendencies, but just because one set course worked so well with one, may not work with another. Just my 2 cents.
  13. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Just had a wonderful little session with a very experienced boy. Told me I had the best verbal skills of any Dom he's been with. Made me feel like I'm really on the right track in my efforts to improve myself.
  14. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    It's pretty interesting congrets :) I'm glad bout your growth as a dom
    Messing with someones head is quite amusing isn't it?
  15. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Yeah. I do a lot of talk that focuses them on what I'm doing to them. "yeah, it really fucking hurts when I smack your balls like this, doesn't it, boy? You'd really like me to stop, wouldn't you? If you beg me enough, I might stop. " I also like insulting them and then making them repeat it. "what a fucking pussyboy you are!". "yes sir, I'm a pussyboy". "no, you're a fucking pussyboy!". That trick generally forces guys into a very submissive place".

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