Online relationships...how do they work?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Darktruth, Jun 25, 2010.

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  1. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    I’ve wondered this for ages and I just had to ask today after reading Seb’s thread.

    How do online relationships work (straight or gay)? :confused:
    How does the Dom be the Dom when he can’t be there? :confused: I know the general theory. The Dom get’s the sub to do something and he asks for photo evidence to prove it’s been done but there must be more to it than that? Another thing I’ve seen somewhere (might be on here) is the Dom gets the sub to read something every morning.
    Assuming the Sub has a webcam what does the Dom get the Sub to do?:confused:
    Do they even work if the Sub doesn’t have a webcam or it breaks? :confused:

    Long distance/online relationships confuse me at the best of time but a long distance/online D/s relationship completely screws with my mind. :p I’m not putting anyone’s relationship down, quite the opposite actually, it’s just something that really confuses me because I don’t understand it (and I like to know a bit about everything). Due to circumstances out of my control (living with parents, I don’t drive and it’s almost a three mile walk to the nearest bus or train, and we only get one of each every 1 ½ hours :mad:) I’m thinking of entering into one and I like to know about things before I enter into them.

    This might all be academic for me because in the next 10 days I’m going to find out what path I’m on (one where I stay at home for another year or one where I’ll be out in a few months, hopefully) but I’d like to know how they work anyway. :D I collect information like a sponge (hence why I want to know about the workings of a queer online relationships even though I’m not queer). :D

    Earn some karma points with god and help an idiot in need. :p :D lol.



    Edit: 361 posts and this is the first thread I've started...*high fives all round* :D :p
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2010
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  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    -high five!-

    well my master and I are long distance/online while we're at school, so let me put in my five cents

    Its not easy. It takes a ton of patience, assurance, and confidence in the decision.
    Basically, you have to 100% alright with being away from your partner and/or only seeing them once in a long while. There needs to be enough interest and commitment from both partners to make it work, otherwise it becomes hell.
    For me personally, 8 straight months without my master is to much to bear so we tried to see each other at least every month and a half. Even if it was only for two or three days. It was kind of a success, but there were a lot of forces neither of us could control (ie, my super uptight parents)

    I think online domming thrives the most off of imagination and the creation of a scene. There's a lot of cybering or "sexting", where both of us describe what we would do if we were together, what we're currently doing, what we want done, etc. Since I'm the sub, I tried to make myself available on skype was much as possible. I used pictures and the video chat both to prove what I was doing and show off for my master
    There's a lot we did with skype, everything from playing for him, putting on outfits, proving I had my toys in, pressing naked against a window that faced the street, and the like. There were all kinds of punishments as well, such as not being allowed to play for x number of days, not being able to cum for x number of days, no panties or bra, and various verbal punishments as well (which are pretty humbling in a dorm, where the walls are thin).

    For me, the MOST IMPORTANT PART is trust.
    We need to be able to trust each other not to cheat or lose interest in the relationship, and he needs to trust that I'm going to carry out my punishments. If either of us loses the trust, its over. Since we're so far away, its impossible to really know whats going on. Its a relationship you build completely on faith that your partner wont let you down.

    I think long distance/online is possible and totally doable, but I dont want to have to remind that if you're serious about your sub its also going to stressful, heartbreaking, and agonizing at times. It can put a real strain on your relationship.
    If you just want to have an online sub that you're not super serious about then I bet it will be fun! I enjoyed the online D/s aspects, even if there was no physical contact (which I wont lie, can really blow).
    If you do becomes serious about your sub, I think it become almost unbearable unless you're able to actually meet each other at least every couple of months. But maybe you have a will of steel, I dunno lol

    EDIT: huh... looking back on your post, I dont think I answered any of your questions XD whoops!
     
  3. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    But they were all very good points so I don't mind. :D
     
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  4. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    okay well I sorta answered how it works, let's keep going!
    Easy, you strip out all the physical stuff. Is a dom just a dude or dudette who spanks you and pulls your hair and ties you up? No way jose! A dom is way more than that, in a online relationship the dom just has to be ready to prove it

    I would cry if my master made me read something everyday, neither of us are into that. Buuuut picture evidence and skype/video chat is an awesome way to not only see each other, prove you're doing what you said, and enact scenes. Sometimes you don't need photo evidence, like with public play. But you need to be able to trust that your sub is doing what you said

    Let me give you a flavor of what my master and I did with the help (or not) of skype
    -I had to be topless or naked when I talked to master all alone
    -I had to press myself against a window facing the street while naked (he went easy on me and let me turn off the lights)
    -I had to wear a short skirt with no panties to class and when I visited other dorms
    -I had to wear a sheer white shirt in the rain
    -I had to wear a vibrating toy to dinner
    -I had to show my master when I played with myself
    -I always had to address him as "master" or "sir"
    -I had to have a toy inside me while my roommate was in the room
    -I had to put a clothespin on my nipples for however he wanted
    -I wasn't allowed to play or cum unless I had his permission
    -I had to call myself a slut as loudly as possible, while my hallmates were home

    there's a lot of stuff you can do with your sub, even if you're not physically there.
    You just have to get creative and know your sub's likes, dislikes, and limits.

    man, a webcam is fucking cheap. Its not like buying a nice camera or anything, if you're online domming/subbing, there's no reason not to go buy one. Unless you literally need to save every penny
    And it breaks... I guess that sucks. Get a new one? Fix it?
     
  5. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    Yeah I didn't ask that in the way I meant it to sound. :eek: lol My bad. :eek: :p

    Thanks for the suggestions SLP; I’m normally very creative but I need a little push to get me going. Once I get a few suggestions and have played about and done something’s I’ll be fine, it’s just the starting process that's hard for me.
     
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  6. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    are you getting an online sub?

    dude, you need to know how my master and I fucking combed the internet how tips and suggestions and ideas for online play and there was nothing
    everybody was like "blah blah blah bdsm is about trust and control blah blah"
    and I was "AUGH cant you give us any idea for play?!"
    and they were like "screw you"
     
  7. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    I’m thinking of it for pretty sensible reasons to be honest. I live a long way away from public transport which isn’t reliable at all (it’s reliable at being unreliable :p) and the train is stupidly expensive. I could (and did) keep a vanilla relationship going in this situation but I wouldn’t be able to keep a D/s relationship going unless she lives down in the town below me (which is just over 2 ½ miles away from me). If she lives anywhere other than that town and I miss the bus or they cancel it then I wont be able to get to her for anything, the distance is just too far to walk and I don’t fancy my chances on a bike around here. :( lol.

    Is it ideal…no. Is it better than another boring vanilla relationship…fuck yes, almost anything is better than that. :mad::(
     
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  8. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    you dont have a bike?

    oh wait, I think you remember you said that you live on a hill
    that would suck to bike around
     
  9. underdog

    underdog Member

    but great fun to ride down...
     
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  10. underdog

    underdog Member

    actually, I'm looking for an online relationship at the moment. Any ideas on where to go with this? I don't know where to find any female doms ANYWHERE!
     
  11. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    dont they have dating websites for kinky people?
     
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  12. Surreal

    Surreal Member

    Online relationships are hard. My relationship with my master is doubly hard sincewe're in different time zones. If he wants to punish me, he would make me perch on my knees and hold my arms straight up in the air for as long as he wishes. There are other ways we play, but we're severly limited by the cam aspect.
    I tied my feet together once, because he kept commenting about how when I cam I sway my feet back and forth (if I'm laying down). He made me jump off the bed (feet still tied) and touch the wall, and return to my laptop. If I couldn't do it within 3 seconds he would punish me. It got even worse when he made me wobble/hop to the living room for a blanket. I almost fell twice.
    As usual I agree with SLP (SLP for president! XD Just kiddin') It's all about trust and commitment. You have to be willing to realize that the relationship has all the same boundaries and rules as a normal one. No cheating, lying etc. It all depends on the people, and their willingness to make it work.
     
  13. underdog

    underdog Member

    they do, but

    a) they charge depressing prices - usually around $60-$100
    b) there are still very few female doms
     
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  14. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    what!??!

    do you have any like BDSM/fetish/bondage clubs or bars where you live?
     
  15. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    I like to think I live in an area that’s a magnet for arseholes. Sadly I live out side a village that has a lot of really rich people in it (a few footballers, a football manager and a few others like that) and it also has a lot of idiot who are Doctors and such who drive very big fast cars as fast as they can…I wouldn’t even like to guess how many cars have driven off the road outside my house in the last 5 years just because they drive like arseholes. Riding a bike up here would be like riding a bike around a rally track; very twisty, very uneven and nutjobs around every corner. :mad:

    I need to run but I’ll finish this tonight when I get back. :D
     
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