Online play?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Sate_Sprie, Aug 24, 2012.

  1. Sate_Sprie

    Sate_Sprie Member

    I know this has been asked before, i'm sure but i'm asking again. Any tips, resouces or examples to assist me?

    We're talking to a girl whom we met through fetlife. She's interested and understands the basics of polyamoury. We're good there. She, however is new to BDSM. She wants to play with me. I'm only versed in being a sub and i'm not sure thats for me, so if we play I would be her Dom which is something i'd love to try. I'm not a newbie to BDSM but since I am to domming it feels like i'm starting over again. Although hubby can help me i'd rather establish my own dom style through my own discovery. I'm at a loss, however of where to start.

    She and I are not dating and have yet to meet so I don't feel like this facet of our relationship is anything serious at this point. She is not mine. This limits my concept of what i'm allowed to enforce. My favorite rules and commands are generally non sexual in nature but I love the power trip. I feel kind of strange talking to her about it because I do not want to scare her away. She's the first unicorn we've found that was a good match so im terrified i'll push her the other direction. Is that immature? I guess if I don't feel like we can talk about it maybe it's not a good idea. If it were more than just for fun I would insists we did talk about it, we'd have to.

    Another issue with playing with her is that we can only text. She can take pictures for me but she has no way to cam with me or anything.

    Sorry if i'm rambling. Hopefully my thoughts are coherent. If not i'm sorry. Any advice in general would be most appriciated.

    Also, sorry for any typos. I'm using my phone.
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2012
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    No, it's not immature. It's a reasonably worry.

    I would talk with her and find out what she's willing to give you control over and what she's not willing to give. Then trust that she's telling the truth, at least as she knows it, and start exploring. Most subs are willing to give the dom the benefit of the doubt, so remind yourself of that when you're doubting yourself.
  3. Sate_Sprie

    Sate_Sprie Member

    What should I say? I'm not really sure how to bring it up. I don't want to seem like i'm too serious, if that makes sense. I've done that in relationships before with non bdsm related issues and it's scared people away, ask though it was guys which are a little different. It's been 4 years since i've dated. I wasn't good at it anyway. Hah
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Say that you've never dommed before, and you're interested but a little nervous, because you want to make sure that your sub enjoys it. You want to know how serious she is--is this just a fun way to be a little kinky from time to time, or does she want to be serious about rules even when you're not playing? Does she want you to be strict, or does she want a dom who's more 'slap and tickle'?
  5. Sate_Sprie

    Sate_Sprie Member

    Thanks for your help. I'll try and talk to her and see what she wants to do. I hate feeling like im in the dark.
  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    This is how you get to feel less in the dark.

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