ok so im about to take the first step...

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Noobsubbot, May 7, 2010.

  1. Noobsubbot

    Noobsubbot New Member

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    So as the title suggests I'm about to take my first "official" step into being a sub... I've found a guy who is into BDSM (Yes I know there are thousands out there and finding one isn't exactly groundbreaking) and into me. Now I haven't felt comfortable letting this side of me show to many people, mostly because of the warped self image that I have.. but back to my actual point... He has agreed to train me in being a sub, or at least a better sub...

    I've been reading alot about the do's and don'ts and so I'm well versed on all of that... My query is, what can I do that will drive him wild? I want to be a good sub for him and pleasing him is what I want, But I get the feeling that he is a "proactive" master, meaning that he wants me to please him without having to be told to do so.

    Now, please don't get this mixed up in me having a crap self image, because sexual pleasure is something that I pride myself on, however, does anyone have any tips or tricks that I could try out?

    Am I making any sense? I'm rather nervous about the whole thing, which I suppose is good because ill be on my toes...
  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    well a really easy way to drive him wild would be to say "master, tell me the things that turn you on. Please dont hold back sir, I'm willing to do anything for you!"
    and then you do those things

    See the problem is that everyone has specialized tastes. (I know, I know, its very frusterating when you want tips and ideas, not just a general overview. Believe me, I'm like a vulture for tips and ideas)

    Let me give you an example.
    One guy on this forum goes nuts for stockings and garters and fishnets and tights
    One girl on this forum is really into puppy play
    My master loves it when I struggle and fight and make a ton of noise during playtime
    I personally go wild when my master is super rough with me

    Do you see what I'm saying? Its so individualized.
    We could give you all this advice on stuff we like, but it might not match up with his desires. And really, he's the one you're catering to
  3. PrettyInInk

    PrettyInInk New Member

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    Haha I asked a question kind of like this and got some advice that worked for me, at least. It went something like this: "just about every dom wants you to beg for something." Excited for you, subbot :) I'm just getting started too!
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Noob, Silly is right. Training is, in part, about teaching the sub what the dom likes. Every dom has his or her particular fetishes that really send them. For example, I like moderate pain play (tt, cbt especially) and i especially like it when the boy starts begging me to stop what I'm doing. That begging drives me wild because it shows me that I have complete control, to ease off or to keep going. So I really like boys have beg well. Another dom might totally dislike that--some like their subs quiet or gagged. But I don't like gags because they prevent that begging. About the closest thing I can think of to a universal preference is, as Pretty said, begging, but that can take different forms. Some doms like having a sub beg for attentio, or beg to please the dom in a particular way. Most doms like enthusiasm and a willingness to obey, but even that isn't universal--I like a boy with a little resistance in him because I enjoy conquering.

    So listen to what your dom says during training. Pay close attention to how he reacts to things. If you start moaning and he smiles, that's probably a sign that he likes that. If it's not clear, ask him to clarify what he enjoys. Silly's suggestion about how to open the conversation is a good one.

    One other point--you sort of run yourself down in your post. Don't do that. Just because finding a dom isn't super hard doesn't mean that it's not a very important step in your life. There's no need to be ashamed of inexperience--everyone starts somewhere. No one here is going to slag you for thinking that finding a dom is a big deal, because it is a big deal. We're happy for you.
  5. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    Oh misso I have the SAME problem!
    And then my master always scolds me for not begging hard enough! Its like a trap I havent learned to avoid yet

    loooool noobsub I just realized that you have the greatest name

    I've realized that my role on this forum is teaching newbies the joys of communication XD
  6. Amuk

    Amuk Member

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    The list is practically infinite. People are diverse, and can differ in any number of ways. It would be nigh on impossible to accurately tell you what to do right. So as everyone is saying, ask him. It's really the only way to know what to do.

    Exactly. The most important thing is communication. That goes for any relationship, vanilla or otherwise.
  7. Noobsubbot

    Noobsubbot New Member

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    Thanks guys, believe it or not the lack of specifics has actually helped!! I'm really excited!!! hehe
  8. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Maso, for me good begging reveals a sense of desperation. I want my boys to be desperate to play with me, desperate for me to stop what I'm doing, and so on. Often when guys start getting desperate, there's a change in the tone of their voice. Does that help?
  9. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    as silly said, ask him. Communicate communicate communicate, it cant be said enough. It's the only surefire way to build a lasting relationship in anything, and in bdsm its the same requirement with a different topic. ;)

    Best advice beyond that, pay very close attention. most doms don't like having to tell you over and over again what they like, and they may not exactly use words to tell you. Be aware and don't forge that body language is 95% of human communication. Good luck, and welcome to the forum.
  10. Noobsubbot

    Noobsubbot New Member

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    OH MY GOD.... I just got home from seeing my dom... and Oh My God.. It was the most rewarding thing I've probably done... I'm covered in red marks from shoulders to thighs and feel like I'm floating on clouds... I've been completely used and it's fantastic... Ohhh I can't even express the joy I am feeling... why didn't I try this sooner???

    Thanks for all your help guys, I asked my Master what he wanted and he told me, showed me and used me for his pleasure... *hugs* for all of you!!!

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    Good fun innit? :cool:
  12. Noobsubbot

    Noobsubbot New Member

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    Just to update this, my dom is an asshole. I am so angry at him right now, I finally submit to him and enter into this lifestyle and not only am I never allowed to see him again, but he informs me he has a girlfriend and even though he loves me, wants to be with her... like what the fuck... I played this dance for 2 god damn years and was there for him through thick and thin... and this is how I get treated?? I know I'm a sub, but I just feel like that is taking it a little too far...

    Why does it hurt so much?
  13. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    wait what??!

    Did you just get dumped?

    Thats awful, I'm so sorry

    I hope he didnt have a girlfriend behind your back!!
  14. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    as a male, let me apologize for the ignorance he has shown, and affirm that not all males are like that. Some are mature and responsible. No one should ever play with someones emotions, especially not to this capacity.
    As a Dom let me tell you I'm sorry for your ill treatment. This type of behavior is not conductive to how a REAL dom or even a REAL man would act, and I would advice you to contact his girlfriend and inform her exactly what type of scumbag shes dating.

    I hate this kind of shit, gives us a bad name every time, males and doms alike.
  15. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

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    Agree X10.

    As Sparrow said, this isn’t how a man would act let alone a Dom. He asks you to place your trust in him and then he breaks it.

    You might be a Sub but that’s no reason to treat you like this. It’s because you’re a Sub that he should have treated you far, far, far better than this. Don’t let this sort of idiotic behaviour stop you from finding another (real) Dom, you were just unfortunate in finding someone who was playing Dom. :mad:

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