Odd Form of Sub Drop

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Foreverbunny91, May 1, 2012.

  1. So is there any form of sub drop when you submit to a Dom that wasn't very good at it, and you later regret it and start acting out? (Like, for example, attempting to top the Dom and then a few days later, the idea of submission is so repulsive it makes you feel ill?)
     
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  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Surprised to see you back! Hi!

    If you're experiencing it, I'd suppose it's a kind of sub drop. My only advice is that you tell your dom why he was so terrible at it and/or don't play with him again.
     
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I don't think that's sub drop. I think that's simple regret over your choices, combined maybe with anger over the dom's failure to know his shit. Lord knows I've played with a few subs that I regretted afterward. Live and learn.

    And welcome back Forever.
     
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  4. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I definitely read

    and was worried you were going to take her prisoner or something.
     
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Lol. I only extend that offer to hot guys. No offense, Forever.
     
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  6. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

    Hey, glad to see you back. It's been my experience that subs need to respect their Doms abilities in order to fully submit. If you really think he's that bad then you don't trust or respect him and your feelings are a natural reaction to prevent you from doing something that's not true to your nature. Sort of a safety valve that's preventing you from forcing the s/D relationship.
     
  7. Well, darn. I was hoping you guys would take me prisoner forever and ever and ever:) I have taken a break (kind of) from playing, so now I'm just reading up and getting into my friend's business... (Thus this question.) Still with my boyfriend, and perhaps I'll post an update on how we're doing later.

    So about this Dom and my friend... She met him on Fetlife. They are both fledging kinksters and he's never done anything before. They practiced ropes together and he tied her up. She liked it and let him top her. She went to his birthday party, they got drunk, she realized that he wasn't really as good as the first time. He's also not her type it sounds... Had a long conversation with her about it.

    She's a DLG like me, and he was just being her Dom, not her Daddy. They're both young and inexperienced. He was a bit too aggressive. She thinks that her little girl side is upset at her subbie side because of the rough treatment without the cuddles and baths and hair brushing. (She's a LOT like me.) She said she's now just whiny and doesn't want to do anything for herself and although another Dom is interesting her, she's NOT liking the idea of submission, although she's a very, very submissive little.

    I think I am in agreement with what you guys are saying... But how does she get rid of it? She's asking on Fetlife, but she says the suggestions aren't helping. I told her I'd ask my sources. LOL.
     
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  8. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Just because I won't do it doesn't mean that RopeRanger or someone else can't do it....

    A couple thoughts here:
    1) Many inexperienced subs really enjoy that first time playing with a dom, because they're finally getting to live out a piece of the fantasy. Imagination and horniness cover a multitude of sins. The second time she was more conscious of the flaws in his style.

    2) He's a poor dom because he's inexperienced, and has probably never read or thought about what it takes to be a good dom. But a small piece of the blame may lie with your friend. If she didn't explain to him what she was looking for, he has no way to know what she's looking for. He may have thought she wanted the stereotypical asshole dom instead of the more gentle daddy dom. Or he may just be an asshole. There's no way to know if she doesn't talk to him about what happened. Remember, communication is the place to start with any problem in BDSM.

    3) How to fix it? It may simply take her a little time to put the experience behind her. If she's really a sub, eventually her submissiveness is going to start pushing her to seek out another dom, and hopefully it will be sooner rather than later. But talking it out with the dom might help her resolve some of her unhappiness, by allowing her to express her complaint in a constructive form to the appropriate person. Climbing back on the horse is often a good idea, so making the active choice to play with another dom may help kickstart her submissive libido.
     
  9. Knots

    Knots Member

    Don't honestly think inexperienced kink and drink should be mixed. I'd refuse to do A LOT of stuff if I was "drunk". Even outside of kink, pissed sex is more often unsuccessful than successful.

    Personally don't take a sympathetic view on this.
     
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  10. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I do have to agree with Knots on this one. Sebby already gave more practical advise, but mixing kink with being drunk can be dangerous, besides that it's likely to be less enjoyable and so on.
     
  11. I told her that. I've had good experiences with kink and drink, but I don't advocate for doing stupid things. Especially since she didn't really know him. He could have been a violent drunk! Don't worry guys, I informed her...

    She said she communicated, and he did exactly what she wanted, but she just wasn't feeling it. She didn't do a very good job at explaining it to me, really, though.

    Thanks for you input guys:)
     
  12. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

    oh man, work is interfering too much with my personal life if I missed a perfect setup liked that. Thanks Sebastian

    Bunny, you're grounded, go to your room...
     
  13. Moonlight

    Moonlight Member

    we have drank before kink before. We never get more then a buzz, so it was fun. But if she is with someone she does not know well, or can not tolerate liquor I tell her to never drink and kink. One reason we do not go out to bars is the amount of people who turn into assholes as soon as the liquor hits their brain.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2012

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