I HIGHLY doubt this is sub drop, but its really weird. I've been feeling a bit odd lately. Last night I had a bit to drink at a party, and eh, I decided I didn't want to stay. I had bought a few new toys I wanted to try on myself before trying on anyone else and called up a play partner. By the time we got to my apt. I was sobered up enough to play. We did some fairly light stuff. Flogging, spanking (okay, well that hurt like fuck but not bad) and wax play. Then had sex and cuddled. Now, I'm also on my period, but I usually don't get emotional except on the very first and sometimes very last day of my period. I have had LOTS of pent up emotions and random panic attacks over stupid things but no tears. I slept for 3 hours, then tossed and turned and couldn't get back to sleep. Then I just randomly broke down crying. I decided this would be a good thing to just let it all out. So here I am an hour later listening to sad songs and going through pics and messages from my exboyfriend and just bawling. Now, the strange part, is I'm HIGHLY craving pain. I rarely ever crave pain, but I'm seriously tempted to call up a play partner and ask them to just come beat me. I won't, because I have things to do today, and IDK if that would help. But it's just so odd. It's like I want this emotional pain out of me so fucking bad, I just want it beat out of me. I used to hit myself, but this is different- I want someone ELSE to do it. I just feel like I am dead and someone beating my ass (which usually isn't too pleasurable for me) would make me feel alive. It's actually kind of scary!