Not Wanting To Be Submissive

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Yes sir, Sep 20, 2012.

  1. Yes sir

    Yes sir New Member

    Do you ever not want to be submissive? Not like "test your Dom" not want to be submissive. But really not want to. No desire for sex. Nothing. We started this lifestyle about 2 months ago and it has been AWSOME. Every day I have been so eager to please him and give him everything I have and now, all of the sudden I feel nothing. I am thinking it is just PMS but I was just wondering if anyone else ever feels this way and does it go away? I miss having the desire to fall to my knees the second he closes the bedroom door. I want it back.
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Like all other things sexual, the desire to be dominant or submissive can rise and fall in reaction to stress, hormones, other health factors, long-term depression, and so on. Some days I just don't feel very dominant. So it's not surprising that you're having a day when being submissive seems unpleasant. If it's just a day or two, I wouldn't worry about it. If this turns into a long-term shift in your sexual desire, it might be worth speaking to a doctor about (to rule out serious medical problems) or a therapist (to consider if it might be depression, repressed emotional issues, or stress).
  3. MrWolfgang

    MrWolfgang Member

    Think you and my wife are going thru the same thing. Each week I give her 2 or 3 assignments. This week was to write in her journal on mon, wed, and friday and to also end any "yes, no, and I love you's" in Sir. Be it thru speech or text. In planning this sounded really simple to me. And this overwhelmed her greatly. Weve talked about it somewhat but, she expressed she needed a break from our "second life" so to speak BUT, what really gets me is shes collared full time except for sleep. Wears it proudly to work and the whole bit. She has expressed that she certainly doesnt want it removed.
    Part of me wants to deny her the wearing of the collar because she cant complete two fairly simple tasks and the other part of me says we are married with three kids and perhaps I need to pick and choose my fights. Maybe my girl is just having a bad week. Maybe its the being married with three kids part that is acutally the overwhelming factor. I dunno. We (or I) havent figured it out yet.
    Anyhow, what Im getting at is, keep your communication open and honest with your Sir. He cant try to help you or work with you if he doesent know theres a problem. We are trying to work through this and have this rough patch help us grow. Of course......people just have shitty weeks too. So, maybe its just a matter of clocking out, clearing the mind, and rebooting.
    Best of luck and I would really be interested in a follow up when you get things back on track. What you and your Sir did or didnt do or how the disscussions went. Ill do the same if you want. No sense in being on a forum if we cant help each other out right?
    Again, good luck.
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  4. Yes sir

    Yes sir New Member

    Thanks Sebastian. I am feeling much more myself today. This is a very stressful time of the year for both my husband and I. I guess with that and hormones I just wasn't feeling quit normal.
  5. pink.sprinkles2010

    pink.sprinkles2010 New Member

    That happens to me sometimes when I am feeling really sick like dealing PMS or a bad cold. I wouldn't worry unless you still feel like that when you are healthy again. If so it may be something you want to seriously talk to your Dom about.
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  6. Her-sir

    Her-sir New Member

    MrWolfgang. So heres how things went last night. I was very upfront with him and told him that I was so not in the mood for anything. I told him that it was not that I wanted to quit but I just was not feeling at all submissive, horny, the whole bit. He asked if I wanted the night off and I said I didn't think that was best. I felt like even if we reverted back to a bit of "vanilla" we needed to do something. Just not the whole wear the cuffs, get tied up thing. I gave him a shower (my nightly job - he offered to let me out of that but I said no). When we went to bed he tucked me in and said (very sweetly) that I was getting the night off. I said, "No. I really think we still need to do this." He told me that he didn't want me doing anything that I was not into and so if I wanted to I had to prove it (I really think he was just going on the fly). Long story short. It was AWSOME (even if a bit - and only a bit- vanilla). I really think that had I taken the night off then it would have been very easy for me to take tonight off as well. I am feeling much better tday and more myself.
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2012
  7. Her-sir

    Her-sir New Member

    Glad you're feeling better.

    Looks like I need to remember to log out of the work computer.

    Sent from my super fancy phone thingy so plaese ecxuse the spelling errors. 
  8. MrWolfgang

    MrWolfgang Member

    Ah thank ya for the follow up. Yeah...almost hesitant to take days off because like you said, it would make the next night easier to take off. Then the next, and next, and so forth. I dunno. Glad it worked out for the best! Believe we're gonna have a lil sit down tonight and get it hammered out hopefully.

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