new to this

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by DirtySouth, Oct 5, 2012.

  1. DirtySouth

    DirtySouth New Member

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    Hey folks. I'm not exactly sweet and innocent, but I'm pretty new to the idea of domination. I little about me, (sorry, couldn't find an intro section, used to using mobile apps) I've got a long distance girlfriend who is coming to my place the end of this year. We've known each other for a little over a year, having met online, but this will be our first face to face. We've been talking on the phone every night, and have been having some phone sex. We're very into each other, and she's cool with my divorce and having a kid, even though she's from a very strict religious family.

    Here's my question. We've discovered through talking, that she (and I, to the lesser extent) is very interested in bondage and domination. We're both total noobs about it though or at least she claims to be (I believe her)

    Does anyone have any advice? She wants to be tied up and spanked, and wants me to be as rough as she can handle, and we both would like this to lead to more. I understand the concept of a safe word, so that's no issue. The advice I want is, ideas on how to make our first time doing such a thing, as pleasurable and comfortable as possible? I mean, I don't want to just chain her to the wall and beat her with a whip while she's wearing a ball gag if it really is her first time (and keep in mind, our first time meeting each other in person, she's staying with me for a week) I would like for her to stick around, or ditch me later over something other than any perceived sexual torture. I have plenty of personal faults that can drive a woman off, lord knows I've done it, I just don't want to go overboard on this matter. Any advice appreciated. And, being a member of several forums, I know I may not have given enough info to receive the most help, so I'm open for any questions.
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Have you read through the Newcomer's FAQ? It has a lot of helpful things.
  3. not so vanilla

    not so vanilla New Member

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    Hi I'm new to it all too really but like Sebastian said reading through the newcomers FAQs is a really great start and has loads if info on there.
    We found it vital to have an in depth discussion about what we are both interested in trying and what we may try in the future but aren't ready for yet and then those things that we feel we would never want to try. Agreeing to respect her limits can give her enough trust in you to allow herself to submit fully if that makes sense. Also even though you're both keen we found it beneficial to start slowly as again it builds up her trust but also my husband (and dom) was scared of hurting me and still is to some extent so it gives you a chance to make sure that you're both feeling ok during a scene and then to discuss after what you both enjoyed, anything you didn't enjoy and how you could expand on the likes next time. (great previous advice given to me on here which really works!) Oh and always use a safeword!
    If I were you I'd be looking for loads of info and suggest that she do the same and then before the meeting both of you could think about what you want from the relationship and also as I said before about both of your limits etc.
    I'm sure more experienced members will give some great advice if you have any questions once you've read the newcomers FAQs.
  4. DirtySouth

    DirtySouth New Member

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    Haha, I'm so sorry guys! See, I usually frequent a gun forum, and it has a mobile app that gets along great with my phone, so it was all a bit confusing seeing the browser version of this forum on my phone screen. I'll get right on that and see if I still need any help. Thanks for your patience!
  5. DirtySouth

    DirtySouth New Member

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    Ah! Thank you! I'm taking notes!

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