New to Kink, would love some advice.

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Hey there, I decided not to make an account here simply because I just wanted to get a few opinions and some help. Thanks for having me ;)

Firstly, I'm a (straight) male teen who has been into this kind of stuff for a long long time. I'm kinkier than most other teens but I absolutely love it and can't wait to experience some of it for myself rather than just watching it.

My interests include:

Breath play
Restraint
Hoods (absolutely love them)
Any aspect of CBT
Sports gear
Leather, spandex, PVC etc
Sensory deprivation
Gags and duct tape
Male chastity

So I'm up for a lot of stuff. I recently watched a video of a guy with his hands bound, wearing a Speedo and a swimming cap. Someone then pulled the swimming cap over his mouth and nose so it became breath control, and he wriggled for a few minutes before he was allowed to breathe again. I was surprised to see that I actually found it very exciting, and actually wanted to experience it.

So,
 
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Argh, sorry, the keyboard on my iPad kept going down and I accidentally tapped the submit post button.


What I was going to say:

So, last night I caved and bought myself a pair of skimpy Speedos and a silicone swimming cap off the net. I was just so horny after seeing that video. I made sure to buy a cap that looked stretchy (it was made by Speedo also) and I bought it in black so it also acted as a blindfold. I bought the small Speedo briefs simply to package myself in, for extra fun! I secretly love wearing tight underwear. I can link you to either item if you want to see what I bought.

Do you think I'd be alright starting breath play with a silicone swimming cap? I was just so horny and turned on after seeing that video, and like I said, it surprised me. I would never go overboard with it, simply because I don't have anybody to force me to endure it and look out for me :( I noticed a few videos on Tumblr where guys were having their breath restricted by a swimming cap and thought it might be a cheap way to see if I actually enjoy breath control.

Just watching the video of that guy wriggling on a bed, wearing nothing but a pair of tight Speedo briefs and having his breath restricted by a swimming cap did something for me. Wow. I just want to experience it.

Do you think I'd be alright to try breath control with the cap? I really would like to experience it, and like I said, I caved last night and just bought it. Any advice or tips you could give me on trying breath control (by myself) with a swimming cap would be greatly appreciated. I'm still exploring my fetishes.

Thanks!
 
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I'm going to start about breath play, because as much as I hate to dampen anyone's kink, it's just not safe. RopeRanger and Sebastian both have good talks on why:

The most common cause of death during breath play is not asphyxiation but heart attack. Lack of oxygen to the brain quickly causes cerebral hypoxia. This is a lack of oxygen to the outer part of the brain. The body begins a series of processes to protect the brain once it detects this lack of oxygen. The next step is transient ischemic attacks or mini-stokes as blood vessels begin to constrict further reducing blood flow. At this point severe cerebral hypoxia causes an elevated heart rate. The increased heart rate and constricted blood vessels can quickly tire the heart leading to cardiac arrest. Many perfectly healthy, young, extremely fit athletes die every year from heart attacks simply because they played so hard they created super-aerobic conditions in their bodies which caused them to drop dead from “mystery” heart attacks.

Cerebral hypoxia causes seizures. This increases the risk of physical injury on top of asphyxiation and cardiac arrest. This in turn increases the risk that the unconscious person can inhale their own vomit, mucus, or saliva. Ask anyone who has performed CPR on a drowning victim. The first thing they do is vomit in YOUR mouth.

Minimum requirements for breath play to the point of passing out would include that your partner not have a history of heart or blood pressure problems, they not be overweight, and be good physical condition. You would have to have advanced first aid and CPR training. In the even to cardiac arrest the blood/ox ratio would already be at a dangerous level and brain damage would be a significant risk. You may want to hyper oxygenate by breathing pure O2 beforehand. Unfortunately this will delay blacking out and may actually increase the danger. At least you would have O2 on hand to administer during CPR.

You should also consider the legal ramifications. If anything unfortunate happens for all intents and purposes you will have choked someone to death. As the Dominant participant their wellbeing is your responsibility. I’m not going to tell you not to pursue your fantasy. Hell, that’s why we’re all here, but I will tell you that it is every bit as dangerous as and probably even more dangerous than you imagine. It is the leading cause of death in the BDSM community. You both need to discuss this with your doctors; investigate the risks; get advanced first aid training and make sure you take every possible measure in mitigate the risks involved .

I understand if you have to do it, let’s face it, sexuality drives us all, but definitely go into it with knowledge and with minimal risk.


Jay Wiseman, one of the most respected BDSMers out there, and a man with medical training, has had long discussions with other medically-trained BDSMers, on how to do breath control play safely, and he has concluded that it is impossible. (And many of the breath control enthusiasts he's debated have since died doing breath control.) Not every instance of breath control will lead to a medical crisis, but every serious session of breath control carries with it the risk of death, permanent brain damage, and other long-term medical problems. About the only 'safety tip' I can give is to make sure that you are not compressing the arteries in her neck and starving the brain of blood as well as oxygen. That's not much of a tip, though. Jett's point about fucking her after she's unconscious is valid, so drop that part of the fantasy entirely. Revive her immediately after she loses consciousness.

In this case, 'minimizing the risks' really means 'figuring out strategies to reduce the long-term damage' rather than 'reducing the likelihood that a serious incident will occur'.

RR has already outlined the major medical problems you're likely to encounter, although he failed to mention the risk of brain damage and nerve damage, both of which are quite possible with oxygen-deprivation. So, in planning for this play session, assume that your sub will suffer some sort of serious medical problems after play. She might get lucky and dodge the bullet, but assume she won't. So go and get formal medical training in CPR and first aid, so you know what to do if you need to revive her. Have the proper equipment around to clear her throat if she starts to vomit and begins to choke on it. Make sure you have a phone nearby to call 911 if she suffers a heart attack or if you can't revive her. Make sure she has insurance, in case she needs long-term medical care. Make sure your sub has her will drawn up, in case the worst happens.

Google 'Oliver Jovanovic' and read about his court case. Wikipedia has a good page on People v. Jovanovic. His case is quite different from yours, but it will help you plan for another important contingent, what happens if your sub changes her mind afterward (or decides to go after you for damages related to her medical problems).

Finally, I am morally obligated to say this: DON'T DO THIS. Hardcore breath control is incredibly dangerous. As RR notes, it's the number one most common way BDSMers die; a police report I read a while ago projects that nationally, about 1000 people die EACH YEAR from various forms of breath play. I understand that it's a fantasy for both you and your sub, but some sexual fantasies are simply too dangerous or physically harmful to indulge. Yes, I'm trying to scare you out of doing this, but honestly, all of the above advice is serious. These are all things you need to expect if things go wrong.
 
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Breath control is a pretty common fetish, so I felt that I should post something about the risks that it involves. If people want to explore it, this post will hopefully help them understand the very considerable risks and whether they are worth it.

Breath play is any form of play to restricts the sub's ability to breathe. Serious breath play (which is what I want to address here) is any form of play that temporarily prevents a sub from breathing. Autoerotic asphyxiation (the so-called 'hanging game') is a common (and exceptionally lethal) form of breath play. Many forms of gagging fall into this category, as does choking. Some forms of bondage, such as those involving duct tape or plastic wrap over the sub's face, fall into this category (usually the sub is given a breathing tube).

Most people who do breath play assume that the primary risk involved is asphyxiation. They assume that as long as they make sure to release whatever is constricting the sub's breathing before the sub passes out (or when the sub hits the point of unconsciousness), then breathe play is safe. Certainly asphyxiation is a threat. In fact, it's probably the single-most common way that people die during bdsm (for example, the dom wraps the sub in plastic with a breathing tube and then leaves the sub in the closet. The breathing tube slips out and the immobilized sub asphyxiates). If you explore this sort of play, never, ever leave a sub in this situation alone. One major problem with the idea that you can remove the risk by stopping before unconsciousness is that there is no easy way to determine when a sub is about to fall unconscious. Even experienced medical personnel cannot always figure out when unconsciousness is imminent. And loss of air to the brain can produce brain damage.

However, asphyxiation is not actually the primary danger of breath play. The real danger is a heart attack. When the body begins to be deprived of oxygen, the heart automatically starts producing additional contractions; the lower the oxygen supply, the more erratic contractions the heart produces. If one of these contractions occurs during the wrong phase of the heart's normal pumping cycle, it can produce a heart attack. The more erratic contractions, the greater the odds of a heart attack. To make matters worse, the kind of heart attack that happens is a type of heart attack that people rarely survive, regardless of their age or relative health. (It's not the kind where the heart isn't beating; it's the kind where the heart is beating without normal coordination, making the contractions ineffectual for purposes of pushing blood through the body.) To makes matters worse still, the erratic contractions begin fairly soon after oxygen deprivation starts and continues for several hours after the deprivation ends. So, when you engage in breath play, you're essentially risking a fatal heart attack not only while the breath play is going on, but for quite some time after the breath play ends. Nor is there any easy way to watch for symptoms of erratic contractions.

There are other risks of breath play, which include brain damage, crushed windpipes, strokes, seizures, and more. Some people try to avoid the risk of asphyxiation by pressing on the carotid artery, under the impression that this is somehow less dangerous. In fact, it's even more dangerous. This can trigger a heart attack in as little as 5 seconds. This is the reason that police departments have stopped doing certain types of choke-holds, because they can easily kill someone they're trying to subdue.

Medical experts who are also bdsm players have been unable to identify a way to do breath play that does not trigger the risk of a heart attack. The risk of a heart attack is simply an inherent element of serious breath control. If, after understanding the risks, you wish to continue exploring it, by all means do so. Just understand that the sub is risking death and permanent brain damage, and the dom is risking a police investigation and possible criminal charges. My own feeling is that breath play is simply not worth the risks, but you may disagree.

If you want more information about the risks of breath play, check out Jay Wiseman's page on the subject, which has a number of articles. Wiseman is one of the most respected experts on bdsm, and has considerable medical training. http://www.jaywiseman.com/SEX_BDSM_BreathPlayMain.html

According to Wiseman, US Law enforcement estimates that about 1000 people die in the US each year from various forms of breath play. So this is a form of play that has very substantial risks. But obviously not every person who does it dies, and there are many people who find it enjoyable for one reason or another.

Again, remember that bdsm needs to be safe, sane, and consensual. Doms have an obligation to understand the risks of any form of play they wish to engage in, and subs have a right to know the risks they are undergoing. Doing breath play without explaining the real risks to the sub means it's not truly consensual.


Again, I really hate to say this about anyone's kink, but you'd be doing best to not try it at all. You didn't ask questions about the other kinks, but I'll be happy to answer them less restrictively.
 
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Thanks for such an in depth answer. I know breath play is extremely dangerous and can cause real problems. Those posts were a good read, thank you.

I've been thinking that if I ever try it (which I don't think I will), I'll pull the cap down but keep my fingers in it so I can still restrict my breathing but pull it off in an instant. I'm only talking about breath play for a few seconds here. Do you think that's still a bad idea? I don't want to pass out either!

Still, I suppose I could always make the silicone cap into a hood; I could punch a few nose holes and use it for sensory deprivation. It would serve as a blindfold, a hood and a gag. What do you think to that?

My other fetishes? Well, I wouldn't know where to begin! I love the sound of CBT but I can't afford much proper gear at the moment :(

Thanks for your help though!
 
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A few seconds is a lot less dangerous- what you need to remember, though, is that if you're playing alone, there's no one to take it off if you pass out.

I think it would probably be a good hood, especially since hoods are up there in the money. If you're playing alone and thus the outside aesthetic matters less, a nose slit so it sticks out might be easier to place, but it might also rip... just giving you ideas to try out.

And being a submissive female I don't know a ton about CBT, but you certainly don't need all expensive toys for it. Many are a series of weights attached to a cock ring, or there's just torture with needles and other pokers (like wartenberg wheels, but I bet you could improvise a cheaper replacement for those). You sound like you're doing a good job of educating yourself to play safe and get the best of everything.
 
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A few seconds is a lot less dangerous- what you need to remember, though, is that if you're playing alone, there's no one to take it off if you pass out.

Oh I know, that's why I've been so cautious. Like I said, I'm only planning on keeping it on for a few seconds, and even then I'll keep my fingers ready to take it off. I'm only talking about less than 30 seconds of breath restriction at the most.

I think it would probably be a good hood, especially since hoods are up there in the money. If you're playing alone and thus the outside aesthetic matters less, a nose slit so it sticks out might be easier to place, but it might also rip... just giving you ideas to try out.

Those are good ideas, thanks. Like I said I bought the cap in black so I can use it as a blindfold, but I might be able to just punch a few nose holes and use it as a hood for sensory deprivation. It would muffle my speech, blind me and probabaly make it harder for me to hear. Hey, they're cheap so I might be able to buy one to make into a hood and keep another one for the 'soft' breath play I'm talking about.

And being a submissive female I don't know a ton about CBT, but you certainly don't need all expensive toys for it. Many are a series of weights attached to a cock ring, or there's just torture with needles and other pokers (like wartenberg wheels, but I bet you could improvise a cheaper replacement for those). You sound like you're doing a good job of educating yourself to play safe and get the best of everything.

Thanks, I'll have a look into it.
 
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So here's my thoughts (and keep in mind I'm not medically trained at all--I'm just going off what I've read and common sense)

If I understand your scenario, you want to pull the swimming cap over your face and hold it there for a while. So you're not trying to restrict your breathing in any other fashion. If you were to pass out, the cap would fall off and no longer block your airways.

Assuming that there is no chance that the cap can get stuck (that depends on how you pull it over your face, I think), what you're doing is sort of like holding your breath until you pass out. It's not actually possible to do that--your breathing reflexes are some of the strongest reflexes you have and it's pretty much impossible to control them. So as breath play goes, it's probably on the low end of the risk of asphyxiation.

However, as has been noted, breath play isn't just risking asphyxiation; it's also risking heart attack. My understanding is that the moment your body begins struggling for air is the moment your risk of heart attack begins to rise, and it won't drop again until a couple hours has gone by. Now, I've never heard of anyone having a heart attack because they held their breath to spite their parents, so my guess is that the risk of heart attack in this situation is lower than in other breath play scenes, but it's still there.

So, this scene you're thinking of is probably as low-risk as breath play gets. But understand that there is still some risk. You may not find it very erotic--like all BDSM it derives its pleasure from the fact that the sub can't control things, and there's no way to actually give up control here. So doing this might just bore you and help you work through your fetish and defuse it. But it might also whet your appetite for more risky breath play. So be prepared to confront temptation if you play this out.
 
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I was taking it as over his head, then down onto his face, holding it there, but I don't know which of us is right, Sebastian.

Sorry about that guys, I meant that if I put the cap on my head as normal (just like a swimmer!), I would then pull down the front of the cap so it covers my nose and my mouth, resting just under my chin. I would then just keep my hands on 'standby' ready to take off the cap as soon as I feel the need. It's a silicone cap so it's pretty thick and stretchy. And, like I said, I made sure to buy the cap in black so it's a bit more like a blindfold hood!

Like Sebastian says, it's only very mild breath play, and I'm keeping it that way, especially as I don't have a dom to take care of me. Thanks for your help though guys, the cap (and the *tight* Speedos) came the other day so I'll heed your advice and proceed with caution. I'm only going to have a dabble in breath play for the moment, I'm sure I would find it more fun if I had someone to actually control my breathing but I'm not sure if I even want that just yet.

Cheers for your help, Smallest & Sebastian. Hey, if I don't enjoy breath play with the cap I can always keep it as a blindfold or turn it into a hood (by adding 2 nose holes), and have some more fun with the Speedos!
 
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