New to it, advice please

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Oddone, Oct 12, 2011.

  1. Oddone

    Oddone New Member

    Hi folks,

    My girlfriend and I are new to the scene. Neither of us have ever done anything like this but we both harboured the feelings in a previous relationship so it is new waters for us both. She was very vanilla so we are careful with things we do as she has been sheltered in her sex life so far.

    Me: 27, tall, large build, dominant
    Her: 32, normal, height, very slim, submissive

    IT started off with holding her down etc during sex but has very quickly progressed. We are at a stage now where the roles have become very apparent.

    She has a pain threshold I class as very high. Last week she was bad and was punished with grabbing and smacking off her ass so bad it bruised in outlines of my figners. Her breasts were punished the next day and were swollen n bruised too.

    The other day she was putting on makeup and i slipped my arm round her neck and I notice that being a gym going lad my forearm was thicker than her neck and we both got off on this. Is this a dominant feature.

    This week we progressed onto her calling me sir when we have sex. Ive requested we do it in public tomorrow. Is this normal too or are we taking it too far too early?

    I love it when she calls me sir and shes taken to thanking me after swallowing a load. which is a massive turnon. Are there other things like this we can do?

    Weve purchased an anklet as a sign of ownership that she is to wear 24/7 and must own up to the reason when asked. What is teh correct ankle to wear it on?

    Thanks. Oddone
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  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    It's not that unusual, although I'd call having her completely submit to you 24/7 too far, too early. That's not what you said, I'm just providing contrast.

    For the second question, there are all kinds of answers. Have her thank you for discipline. Have her beg you for your cock, and thank you after, and so on.

    I wouldn't say there's a correct or incorrect ankle, but I'd go with right. It seems more submissive.
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    It's pretty common for even brand-new subs to call their dom Sir, so that's normal. Doing it in public is perhaps a little unusual, and is a mild form of public humiliation, but it's not too early if you two feel comfortable with it.

    In the FAQ I have an entry about what I see as the difference between discipline and punishment. Obviously you can call your practice whatever you want, but you might want to think about the difference between those two concepts.

    Traditionally, in BDSM culture, the left side of the body signifies dominance and the right side submission. This serves as a way to clue in others as to your preferences--a crop on the left hip signifies that you like to hit people with it, while a crop on the right hip tells people you like being hit. She can wear the anklet on whichever side you want it on, but out in the community, it might cause some confusion if she wears it on the left side.

    If you want to work thanking into your play, you can have her thank you for almost anything. You might tell her you're going to spank her ass ten times and have her count them out. "That's 1, Sir. Thank you, Sir. May I have another, Sir?" (and if she messes up the count, start over at 1). Hell, you could tell her to thank you every time you thrust into her with your cock, if you really like being thanked. If you like thanking, you might try requiring her to beg--beg you to spank her, beg you to stop spanking, beg for permission to cum, etc.

    Some uptight BDSMers will tell you there's a right way and a wrong way to observe these traditions, but honestly, whatever works for you and is safe is the right way to do it. The 'right' way only matters if you care what other BDSMers think of your practice.
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  4. Oddone

    Oddone New Member

    First up thank you folks for the replies it has helped.

    Sorry for the poor spelling and grammar in the original post I was tired and didnt reread it.

    Smallest - You point about 24/7 submitting is legitimate. We are a normal couple that noone would suspect. I treat her with reepect and she does likewise. But sexually we enter a new world and we both agreed that while we didnt want her to submit 24/7 our perverted side wanted a mark of some sort and we came up with an anklet. It is amusing really because we had no diea the anklet meant something until we looked it up. Coincidence really.

    After googling it more the right ankle does seem the most prominent.

    Sebastian - I agree that calling me sir in public is a form of humiliation but it isnt meant to be overheard. The route we are taking is that it is for our pleasure and if someone overhears then who cares. I dont expect her to say it loudly, just a whisper. Enough for me to hear and thats it. She is happy with this and ive told her that if she is uncomfortable with it then not to do it. Although there will a punishment after ;)

    I read the FAQ you did. The discipline I am installing is easily followed and is only broken when she wants the punishment. Like I said we are both new to this and havent hit any sort of extreme as I would think it. So as it is she gets punished when she breaks a simple rule like not thanking me for letting her swallow. This by the way results in her swallowing a few more times. As a side note she enjoys swallowing so its not really a punishment but you get what I mean right?

    I love the spanking idea. I will use that!! That is great. We havent touched on the whole begging thing yet but I will suggest it over dinner tonight.

    I understand that many BDSMers are stringent with their rules but with all sorts of things in life. You learn the rules and understand them then you take it and make it your own. :)

    Tonight we are going for dinner and Ive told her that on the walk home at some point she will be dragged to a dark place and will have to submit. She text em earlier saying her mind drifted at work about this prospect of being forced into a corner for sex and went to the ladies toilets to rub herself. I am so happy ive found a sub girl so willing to please her master.

    She trusts me and I trust her. She understands that once we are in the roles it is not her choice anymore. This was proven at the weekend when we slipped into our roles and I told her to take her panties off for sex and she refused. So i grabbed her and tore them in half and let the 2 halves fall to the floor. The following intercourse was our best yet. Like I said I really like this girl as a person and she is an amazing sub. I jsut want to make sure we arent doing anything too fast or furious that isnt the norm.

    Thanks for the help you guys. Ill keep you posted with your suggestions.
  5. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Just don't get yourselves arrested for public exposure. If you drag her off, make sure you're somewhere that is honestly completely alone. Or, safer, drag her into the car (assuming you take one), blindfold her, and take her home.
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  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    If you're going to play with kidnap scenes, here's a basic precaution you should take. Have her write out and sign a statement that she consents for you to 'kidnap' her for erotic purposes. She is not being taken against her will. Then, make sure that both you and she are carrying copies of this statement. if the police, or anyone else, gets involved, stop play, and both of you pull out your copies, to prove what's going on. This sort of play can lead to very unpleasant encounters with the police, and you want to be able to diffuse any trouble quickly. And remember, when you're dealing with the police in a situation like that, always reach for your wallet slowly and tell them what you're reaching for.
  7. Oddone

    Oddone New Member

    Hi guys thanks for your concern. We live in a rural area and went to a spot that is empty even during the day. Had some fun and nice walk after.
  8. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Now I miss living in a rural area even more.
  9. Tallest

    Tallest New Member

    At least I have a way back into rural areas? I miss yours though. Those falls were great for carrying you into the woods...

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