New to bondage

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by newtothis, Dec 3, 2012.

  1. newtothis

    newtothis New Member

    Hi,

    I hope someone can help me out.

    I am a single parent but recently met a woman who enjoys being tied up. I've never done any kind of bondage before.
    We went on a web site and chose a starter kit, it was this one:
    http://www.pinkcherry.ca/fetish-fantasy-pink-passion-bondage-kit

    I have been looking for books or something to give me a clue as to how to use this. Does anyone have any suggestions. Videos online for beginners with a basic set like this would be awesome.

    What I can tel lyou is she likes being tied up, is submissive, like a ball gag (all in the kit). I just don't know how to get started. I've looked for amateur videos online but I can't find any with these basic kits. Any help would be appreciated.
     
  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    You should read the newcomer's FAQ, if you haven't yet. And I'm not into videos, but I think someone here will have instructions for you.

    However, you should only need instructions for using the kit itself (eg, straps, gag, other parts of it). Although we can give you ideas for 'scenes' to do with her, there is no one way and she won't want you to do it exactly to an instruction manual. Find out what she likes and what you like (such as verbal play, pain, bondage, etc) and what she dislikes (such as verbal play, pain, humiliation, etc), and work them into the scene and the ideas that are given.

    The biggest part of BDSM is communication, so talk to her about it, and make sure you both know eachother's limits.
     
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Try Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook. A very good place to start with ropework.
     
  4. darknova42

    darknova42 Member

    In the FAQs it says there are 4 main compontents to bdsm; control, bondage, pain, and humiliation.

    I think its good to break bdsm down into these individual parts because it allows for better focus. You can study one aspect of it at a time and then combine them in different ways.

    However, in my mind bdsm is all an extension of control.

    The control aspect: A dom(me) is ordering his/her sub to do something. The sub obeys. This shows the sub's loss of power over their own actions, their submission.

    The bondage aspect: A dom(me) ties his/her sub up. The sub is bound. In this we see the sub losing even more power/control. Now they can't move and if you count gags and blindfolds they can't speak or hear.

    The pain and humiliation aspects: I'll put these together because they accomplish somewhat the same things. A dom(me) inflicts pain on/embarasses his/her sub. In this the sub shows her powerlessness to stop the dom from doing these things. As long as its within the sub's limits they have to endure it.

    As a dom it is very important to get into the correct mindset. If you don't then you could dissapoint or even hurt your sub.

    As for the kit you bought and how to use it. Look at the pictures. The main components seem to be the ankle/wrist bindings and the gag. Sure the corset might offer some component of restriction but I think its just to make her look the part.

    Ankle to wrist is one of my more favorite positions to view. The thing about bondage is that it removes the sub's ability to move or offer any resistance. It puts them into a state where they're vulnerable to your whims.

    Positions you might try:
    Have her kneel down on the bed with her knees/legs together and sitting on her feet. Then have her bend forwards until her chest is pressed up against her thighs. Have her grab her feet. Then bind each wrist to one ankle.
    Ofc this is pretty much doggystyle, so you probably know what to do from there.

    Have her lie on her back with her arms at her sides. Then have her bend her legs and lift her knees up to her shoulders. In this position her wrists and ankles should be close. It makes it so her vagina is exposed and she can't do much in the way of covering it.

    Also something to note: you don't have to use it to bind her wrist to her ankles. You could use it to bind her wrists/ankles to something else, like bed posts. Ofc tying her hands that way is a given, but try having her lie on her back and tying her ankles to the headboard so her hips are in the air and her legs are spread in a V.
     
  5. newtothis

    newtothis New Member

    Thanks everyone for the help. I have imagination, I've just never done anything like this before so needed a little kick start for my research.

    Much appreciated
     
  6. You lucky chap!

    So let me lay this out for you. You now know exactly how to turn this lady on. You are in "male Nirvana" because you can get all the sex you want and you'll know she'll be loving it too :)

    There's already some good advice in this thread, but let me add a couple of simple tips.

    Just because she likes being tied up doesn't mean she wants to be beaten, and crossing that line to S&M may be something you want to take slowly.

    So how can you spice up her experience?

    I see there's a blindfold in the kit. Apologies if I'm stating the obvious, but the reason that blindfolds are used in bondage scenes is so Doms can use suspense and fear to heighten the overall experience. Some simple examples:

    • You can use this kit to tie her "spread eagle" to the bed. This is actually a better position for longer term play because she'll be more comfortable than in a hog tie. You can use lengths of clothes line to tie the tethers you have in the kit to the legs of the bed. Choose if you'd like her face-up or face-down. Both positions work, but face-up gives you more to work with :)
    • She may not want to be beaten, but you can still threaten to use impact play on her. Tie her to the bed. Before you blindfold her, show her you have a school ruler (for example). Then blindfold her, and lay next to her. Speak softly, and from time to time allow the ruler to brush her flesh. She won't know where you'll touch her next. You can even ask her about naughty things she's done, or thought about, thatg she needs to be punished for. By all means tap the ruler on her, but don't use hard strokes unless you're sure she's OK with that. Check out the use of safe words so she can tell you she really wants the scene to stop.
    • Ice cubes are great for bondage play - especially if she's blindfolded. Put a towel under her if you're going to do this, and make sure the room is warm enough so she won't feel uncomfortable once her skin is wet. If you think she's cold, use a towel to dry her skin and snuggle up to her for a while. Keep her tied up and blindfolded, but lay in a 69 position and make her suck your cock. You can tease her pussy at the same time, and your body will be covering hers so she'll warm up.
    • Use clothes pins on her nipples, the skin of her upper arms, inner thighs, and even her pussy lips. In this case it's useful to have a safe word that means (I don't want the scene to end, but this is a little to uncomfortable for me). "Mercy" is a good one. If she's in pain froma clothes peg on her nipple then she can tell you to take it off without breaking the mood.

    Most of all, enjoy yourself! Take things slowly, but you will find she'll want you come up with new ideas and surprises. Feel free to come back here and ask for ideas.

    Cheers,
    Stanley
     
  7. SubIA

    SubIA New Member

    This post made me smile. I'm a sub trying to nudge my male friend in the Dom direction, even if it is just for a couple of scenes every once in a while. Anything that causes pain will be tough to get him onboard with. Although he did like the results of a snake bite kit!
     

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