New to BDSM

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by pvtmeabon, Feb 28, 2012.

  1. pvtmeabon

    pvtmeabon New Member

    My Wife has recently told me that she wants me to start spanking her and wants to be gaged and blindfolded, and appears to want to do some role playing as well. She is looking into floggers and i am looking into Crops for the spankings. and i have also been looking into different gags i Like open mouth gags the most. I also want to get into bondage. what kind of Rope should i use? i have read a few books that say stay away from ultra smooth rope due to the fact that it doesn't hold knots that well even though its probably the best for beginning play. also my knot skills aren't the greatest. what are some knots that are ascetically pleasing and yet will also wont slip or bind? and above all else how slow should we go? i see this as a great possibility for us to expand and grow sexually i just don't want to ruin it for her or myself. thanks for any and all feedback.
     
  2. edjixxx

    edjixxx Member

    First, floggers and crops produce some pretty intense sensations. So, use with caution, especially at first. Second, open mouth gags are aesthetically pleasing, but may cause her mouth to cramp. This may lead to problems, so stay especially tuned to her comfort while using it. As far as rope bondage, I've had some circulation issues with it, but shibari rope bondage seems like the best/most popular way to go.

    I know in the beginning for me, jumping right to floggers/ canes/whips was quite a surprise as to the sensations produced. I hope this helped some!
     
  3. pvtmeabon

    pvtmeabon New Member

    so what should i start out with in the way of spanking? should i start out open handed? and if she likes that what would be the next logical step?
     
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Floggers are not beginning level toys. My advice is to start with something easier to control, like a crop or a slapper. Learn the safety basics for impact play--where not to hit, basically, and then graduate up to a flogger once you've gotten good with a crop.

    If you want to explore rope bondage, track down Jay Wiseman's _Erotic Bondage Handbook_ or _SM 101_. The former is entirely about bondage, the latter a good general intro to BDSM that has a decent section on Bondage. In general, do some reading about a new form of play before you really start trying to do it. As far as rope is concerned, the best place to start is plain white 1/4" nylon rope, easily available at any hardware store.
     
  5. pvtmeabon

    pvtmeabon New Member

    funny that you should have mentioned those two books because i have read them both. :) and loved them both. and thanks for the suggestion about the rope.
     
  6. edjixxx

    edjixxx Member

    From my personal experience, I'd start out open handed, then move to a paddle, then the crop/cane, then whips. The last thing you want to do is make a mistake and end drawing blood. That kinda takes the mood away.
     
  7. I second all the other tips. Take it slowly, and be very careful about causing visible injury beyond a redenning of the skin until you both find out your limits. As a Dom I found it extremely difficult to really hurt a sub. One incident with a cane, where I was a bit tipsy and swung too hard taught me that lesson! It was one stroke, but it just shows you the yawning chasm of difference between real life and S&M movies!

    One tip for keeping a punishment intense, but causing less pain is to prepare some kind of "spanking dialog". In other words, talk to your sub during the punishment, asking them to admit "sins" or comment on their own behavior.

    I'm a huge fan of verbal play (not necessarily humiliation - think about the pure, polite assertiveness of a respected school teacher).

    A submissive lady I knew many years ago got me turned on to the "authority figure" roleplay. I always ask my subs to write down their fantasies, or to give real life examples where they've felt they were in a submissive experience. She described a meeting at work with her boss when she'd completelty screwed up a simple task. When he was talking about it with her, he never swore...never raised his voice, and of course he never touched her. But she felt totally, and absolutely powerless and humiliated. That was the feeling she wanted to try to recapture, and it's surprisingly easy to lead somebody along that path.

    The dialog helps to slow things down, as well as build up sexual tension.

    Cheers,
    Stanley
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2012
  8. edjixxx

    edjixxx Member

    One thing I enjoy is the counting of the hard strokes. A set number of strokes, counting them out. This also slows it down and makes for some tension. I don't know how it is for others, but jumping in head first, we used a pool stick one time, as a cane of sorts. I welted and bruised, but after a certain point, it was almost surreal. It was like it went from pain, to a euphoric-type sensation. Anyone else experience that?
     
  9. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    I agree with the others about taking it slow. There is a big difference between hands, paddles, whips, crops etc. if you are not sure what you are doing you can do some pretty bad damage to fragile flesh. I would definately start with a hand to gauge how much she can tolerate first and work your way up.

    It definately helps for me to work in the pleasure aspect. I know for some, it is the pain itself that works for them but I am not wired that way. I don't want pain per se but when I am aroused, the lines blur big time and I can tolerate and even welcome more force/pain.
     
  10. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

    Beginning rope bondage generally falls into two categories: immobilization (restraint) and decorative (Artistic) enhancement. You can learn various lacing patterns pretty quickly from browsing online and working with a willing partner. Immobilization takes a little more skill and care. If you’ve done any reading you’ll know about the 2 finger rule. (Read the safety FAQs. Take a look at the extraction tools thread I posted.)You’ll want all constricting ties to be loose enough to allow two fingers inserted underneath. It’s also imperative that all ties be locked so that they are not self constricting. You can teach this to yourself through study and reading but you will want to practice outside of a BDSM scene so that you know your ties will not slip or tighten during play.

    For beginning immobilization I recommend starting with a good set of leather restraint cuffs. Running the ropes though the d-rings allows for quick tying and release and negates the danger of constriction injuries. Please make sure you research all the no tie zones to prevent nerve or circulation problems. If you are considering any suspension play you should seek out a mentor or attend training. Like any skill you should plan on learning a base skillset and expanding your repertoire.

    Rope type is a very personal preference. Most use cotton, hemp, or nylon. They all have advantages as disadvantages and completely different tactile sensations. For beginners I usually suggest a couple of soft 25 foot, diamond weave, nylon ropes at 6mm diameter. This can be picked up at the building supplies stores very cheaply. IMO the spooled rope tends to be a little softer and better quality than the bulk packages. You can always invest in “bondage” rope in different colors, materials and sizes as your skills increase. I actually prefer cotton for the lower burn rate, but it can be difficult to find in a diamond weave which I think is better for beginners. The diameter and length of the rope you use depends on what you are doing. Breast constriction bondage with a 3/8 inch rope can be very difficult whereas building a bondage bra or breast shelf is easier with the same rope.

    Knot-wise you don't really need a lot to get started - a good handcuff knot, a single-limb cuff, the bowline (which is used in many cuff knots), a square and sheer lashing (for arm to leg or leg to leg) and a granny knot. Stay away from larks heads and any slip, self-constricting knots. In fact, a lot of ties don't finish with a knot, the tag end is just wrapped or tucked under the bind.

    The trick is to pick one thing, like a single cuff, get that down and then move to something else that build on that like converting the single cuff to handcuff.
     
  11. edjixxx

    edjixxx Member

    Roperanger, I'd like to get into rope bondage, but it seems that circulation seems to be an issue. Can you offer any insight as to it being just part of it, or is there techniques to alleviate that issue?
     
  12. pvtmeabon

    pvtmeabon New Member

    first and for most to every one who has commented and left constructive criticism thank you so much. my wife and I talked it over tonight and will again about where to start. and we are thinking some bondage with spanking would be a good place to start. I have read a couple of books on bondage and am fascinated with breast binding. in fact one of the books i got was Back on the Ropes by the Two Knotty boys because i found there bindings to be visually pleasing along with safe. i also have Jay Wiseman's Erotic bondage handbook. and SM101 also by Jay Wiseman. and i also have The New Topping book by Dossie Easton, and Janet W. Hardy and plan on getting the New Bottoming book by them also any one else have any suggestions on reading. also if any one can give me some other good books for bondage or websites for how to make harnesses and cuffs and stuff im always looking for something new. again thanks for everything. Another thing the wife had said she wanted to try was was Nipple clamps and suction. any suggestion on where to start on either of those two?
     
  13. edjixxx

    edjixxx Member

    Clamps, I would start with clothes pins, the plain jane ones at most stores. Then move to tweezer clamps, then onto japanese clovers. The latter are fairly intense, I've read. For suction, I'm not really knowledgeable there to be honest, so I can't offer any meaningful advice as to that.
     
  14. pvtmeabon

    pvtmeabon New Member

    ok thanks for the advice. my wife wants to be able to top to some times and she is really looking into male chastity devices for me any opinions?
     
  15. edjixxx

    edjixxx Member

    Something that seems common is switching. As far as chastity, which we are looking into ourselves, it was suggested to us to try out the CB3000 at first, and move to metal ones later on. Also the Kali device, which is intense. Those were suggested by stanley_jeffries to me.
     

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