New here...Seeking inspiration? Plus, are any of you parents?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by KM5, Aug 31, 2010.

  1. KM5

    KM5 New Member

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    I've read the "Newcomers FAQ" thread (thanks for that, by the way), but I still feel the need to post...

    My partner and I have experimented with very light bondage (typical vanilla stuff, using one of his neck ties, etc.), though that was years ago. We're finally coming out of a dry spell in our sex life (after the birth of our first child), and we're excitedly looking back at that time and realizing how fun it was.

    In the "Newcomers FAQ" thread, I'd say of Sebastian's 4 categories, my interests lean primarily toward bondage, some control, maybe mild pain (I've only ever experimented alone), and humiliation, well, not-so-much. My partner and I have had on-going conversation, and I feel like we're covering some good ground.

    I guess what I'm coming here for, is, well, for lack of a better word: inspiration. Any photos, videos, or erotica I manage to find with the keywords I know seem to pull up way too extreme of examples to be practical in our lives.

    Oh, also: are any of you parents of young ones? How do you manage? I can only guess that anything that's used will need to have the ability for a quick release, seeing as our toddler still requires a moderate amount of night time parenting.

    And in that vein, what are some non-breast pleasure/pain points to play with (aside from the obvious below-the-waist zone). Any rough nipple/breast play is going to be on hold until I'm done breastfeeding this child and any subsequent ones.

    And one more thing! What are some things you can have implemented while your partner is away? I came across remote control panties (see how new I am to toys?) and I only wish they had wi-fi so he could control them from work...Ha!

    Thank you all in advance for any advice or direction.
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Bondage falls loosely into categories of mild, moderate, and strict, based on the extent to which they limit the sub's ability to move. There's no formal typology (so far as I know), but strict bondage allows very little movement and holds even if the sub struggles. The less strict you get, the more movement is possible and the easier it is to get out of. What you see in movies is the sub tied to the bed, often just the arms to the headboard. But there's a lot more than that possible. You can be spread eagled, with legs as well as arms tied. You can have your hands tied behind your back. You can be in handcuffs or leather shackles. You can have your wrists shackled to your ankles, either in front of you or in back. You can be blindfolded. You could have your ankles or your wrists in the spreader bar. You can be lying down, or standing, or seated, lying face up or face down. All of those options can be done pretty mildly. After you've been tied, your partner should explore stimulating you with sensation--feathers, silks, ice cubes, vibrators, pinwheels, crops and anything else he thinks might be interesting. He might tickle you aggressively, or try to make you cum, or blindfold you so you don't know what he's going to touch you with next or where he will touch you. He might torture you, either with pain, or with pleasure, or with tickling, and try to force you to give up a 'secret' to end the torture. Make a game of it--if he can get the secret word out of you in 15 minutes, you have to do his chores or make his favorite meal, and if you hold out, he has to give you something.
  3. KM5

    KM5 New Member

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    Thank you for the response, Sebastian. I think I'll copy/paste this for my partner to read :)
  4. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    km - One of the things Sebastian mentioned was leather shackles. If you're going to be moving towards these increasing levels of bondage, the leather wrist and ankle cuffs are going to come in real handy. No matter how you're tied, they just need to be unbuckled and you're free.

    Also, if you guys make noise, I suggest a sound soother machine. The kind that makes the simulated wave on a beach, or rain, or other sounds. Otherwise a sudden crack, slap, or wince might wake up your little one... at just the wrong time.

    If you don't want to buy a sound soother you can make one. Just download surf or rain sounds onto your laptop and loop(repeat) them on your media player. Put the laptop in an infant's room or in the hallway for toddlers, or just run a speaker from your desktop. You can also download a free player for these sounds called White Noise Sleep System at

    Try for all sorts of free sounds, and there are many other sources I'm sure.

    Also, for more advanced stuff, and anything including light suspension (not all the weight off the floor) or more, you should find a device called a panic snap. Just make sure your partner doesn't just release it without supporting you.

    I did that once..... Had my toy bent, head down facing the closet with arms behind her and hoisted up so she couldn't straighten up, I forgot what happened to make me release her, but I didn't grab the rope.... just released. The sudden loss of tension with no support really hurt her arms.

    It was a long time ago but the memory is still quite vivid.

    Hope this helps.
  5. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    I am indeed a parent, as me and my wife are both dominant partners, with several 24/7 submissives that live both with us and on their own. I can tell you it does get creative when there are children involved and it does change slightly, but not as much as one might think.
    You wouldn't let your kids see you argue or fight in front of them, and this falls into the same catagory. I tend to make "requests" of the subs as opposed to give orders, although my subs are aware there is only one correct response to "will you pick that up please?" or "will you come here please" or "please go to your room"

    The trick is communication, both with you and your partner, and figure out a method that works for you that you can be comfortable with.

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