New here/21yrs old/bondage newbie

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Nataliemarie, Jan 11, 2013.

LIFE TIME Keep2Share PREMIUM
  1. Nataliemarie

    Nataliemarie New Member

    Hello everyone, I am 21 and have been interested in bondage for as long as I have been sexually active. It's all that I can get off to and have fun with. I am naturally submissive and I don't know how to bring it up with my partner. He knows I am kinky but doesn't know that I want to be tied up and used. His idea of bondage is furry handcuffs and a blindfold...ha. I don't know what to do. I want a real Dom who knows what he's doing. Sigh.
     
  2. Frlskydingo

    Frlskydingo New Member

    I think you will be pleasantly surprised how turned on he will be when you are honest and share your most intimate fantasies to him. he will probably love the idea!! the worst thing that could happen is he will will hate the idea, think you are weird and leave you, or stay with you and you will have boring dull sex for the rest of your life!! and that would...suck i guess.

    hope this helped have a nice day :p
     
  3. Hi Nataliemarie,
    Welcome to the board.

    You might want to check out my response to a similar question we had recently here. http://www.smplace.com/forum/568334-is-it-worth-the-effort-to-involve-this-man-im-interested-in.html

    Also check out the FAQ...and in particular Sebastian's post on corrupting a vanilla boyfriend. http://www.smplace.com/forum/1248552-post28.html

    Like Friskydingo, I think you will find he will be very happy, as long as you don't scare him off.

    Take it slowly, and begin with extremely mild play. Over time men naturally become bored with a particular "game", and they will want to ramp things up a little. That's exactly what you're trying to achieve. Eventually you can have an open discussion with him about how he could actively dominate you, as opposed to you "topping from the bottom".

    You may already be well along this path, so forgive me if I'm backtracking.

    Example: He's fucking you, and you get him to hold your wrists over your head. This is extremely mild, but it starts to give him the idea of dominating you.

    Example: As he first penetrates you, just say "Please don't hurt me!". He may ask if you're OK and check that he's not actually hurting you. Ease him inside you, and kiss him. Then whisper "You're not huring me, but I sometimes fantasize that you're forcing yourself on me. You don't need to be rough with me...but you can be a little bit rough if you want to." Most men will be a little bit worried about being "rough", because they may not understand how to cause erotic pain, as opposed to actually beating a person up. Tell him he can bite your nipples, or spank you on the ass...that kind of thing.



    These are just ways to "point him in the right direction" without making him think you're a psycho. If he Googles the Top Ten Female Fantasies, then rape fantasies are always high on the list. The fact that this is such a consistent response to the question about fantasies tends to be a bit controversial, but it's obviously not something women want to happen for real - these are just fantasies.



    If you can be patient with your current boyfriend then I think you'll find you can corrupt him.

    I guess you need to be prepared to face certain questions:

    How much am I invested in this guy?
    Is the relationship generally good, and going in the right direction (outside of the BDSM issue)?

    If this guy is a "keeper", then I would strongly recommend investing the time to slowly introduce him to your fantasies.

    Communicaiton is all important, and because you are very young you can set a good example in your relationship right now that will make it so much better for you for the rest of your life.

    Train him to communicate with you. I know this "training" idea sounds counter-intuitive, because he is supposed to be the Dom. But if you "reward him" for communicating openly, he will be more comfortable doing it.

    For him the reward will be sex - pure and simple.

    But the act of communicating can involve, for example, him sharing his own fanatasies with you. By the way, you can break the ice at one of these fantasy sessions by telling a joke before you start revealing anything to each other. Here goes...

    Alice and Bob have been married for many years, and to spice things up in the bedroom they decide to share with each other the people they fantasize about sleeping with.

    They both write down three names, and Alice goes first because it was all her idea.

    She turns her paper face-up and it reads:

    • Brad Pitt
    • George Clooney
    • Will Smith

    Bob turns his list face up and it reads...

    • Jenny, your little sister
    • Anna, your big sister
    • Suzie, your best friend


    The point of the joke is that most male fantasies are grounded in actually wanting to do this stuff, whereas most female fantasies stay as fantasies, and they serve the purpose of escapism and excitement.

    But here's the kicker...you actually want to live out your fantasies. In fact, because you're submissive, you would actually be turned on by living out his fantasies too.

    As long as you give him a "soft landing" on these ideas he should love it. Just don't throw too much at him too quickly, and if he shows the slightest sign of discomfort or concern be ready to laugh it off as a joke.

    "What? You really thought I wanted you to cane my ass? I was just teasing."

    Also be prepared not to do this all the time. You can "dilute" the BDSM stuff with plenty of regular sex. If the BJ idea I talked about works, you can picture in your mind that you are performing a submisive and borderline degrading act.

    I think you're in a great position, so just take it slowly and I'm sure it will work out.


    By the way - if he ever gets to the point of wanting to dominate you but not knowing what to do, you have about a dozen people on here who can give him advice.

    Cheers,
    Stanley
     
  4. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    You have to talk to him about it. If he doesn't know it gets you off, how can he do it? I learnt this the hard way, years of holding it all in when actually, after lots of encouragement and practise, my husband was more than happy to indulge my kinks.

    You will have to be patient though as it can take awhile for novice Doms to get the hang of things so don't get mad or criticise too much in the early days as that will just put him off trying again.

    Make sure you massage the ego a lot ;)
     
LIFE TIME Keep2Share PREMIUM

Share This Page