Needing some help

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by tumbl3's brat, Jun 10, 2010.

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  1. tumbl3's brat

    tumbl3's brat New Member

    so i posted on here the other day, writing an apology letter for my mistress, i realized that i am not a very good sub and not for wanting to be bad, but just lack of knowledge, so my mistress has tasked me and i have tasked myself to find out more about being a sub, so any help would be welcome, basics, advanced and what have you. thanks anyone who helps
     
  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    This is tough! Since I'm trying to be a better sub for my master as well (there's a lot of training coming my way in the next few weeks)

    As far as advice goes, I would be as open and honest with your mistress as possible. Be curious as well, I like to talk a lot about the things I like and I'm always asking my master what he's interested in. Whenever I run into something I think he might like or something new, I share it with him. I dont want to keep any secrets from him, especially since I'm trying to be devoted!
    I personally believe that a D/s relationship is a wonderful way to be even closer to someone you love
    Try to learn your mistresses hard and soft limits, her big turn ons, activities she would like to try, things that don't really interest her, etc. Not everything needs to even be related to BDSM!

    What I'm trying to say is: Communication is key

    What makes you think you're a bad sub?
    I'm an unruly girl, but I know that my master likes that because he feels like its a challenge to train me and that turns him on.
    It might be helpful to list your "bad sub" qualities and brainstorm ways to correct them. Being a good sub comes partially from having a good master/mistress and partially from the sub's efforts and desires to serve. Or so I believe

    I still have a lot to learn about being a sub, this is my first year after all, so I'm hoping this thread turns out a lot of good discussion

    Doms should post their views on subs as well!! :D
     
  3. tumbl3's brat

    tumbl3's brat New Member

    that was very helpful, we have just talked about alot tonight, i guess i just feel like a bad sub since i am a very bratty one. I think she likes it but it's hard to tell because im stronger than her and she doesn't like that she can't restrain me, which truthfully i don't like much either...sigh i guess im just trying to figure out what she really likes than. you have helped alot
     
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    One important aspect of training is learning to be the sub that your dom wants you to be. So being bratty isn't bad if your mistress likes you that way. After all, being bratty gives her lots of opportunities to punish and discipline you. On the other hand, if she wants an obedient sub, being bratty is bad. So you and she need to talk about what she really wants from you and what sort of behavior is acceptable. Perhaps you and she need to arrange a code word, like a particular name for you, that means 'stop being bratty and obey me'. Or perhaps you need to channel your brattiness into certain areas. If the two of you find puppy play interesting, perhaps you can be an obedient slave but a bratty pup, or vice versa. But don't just try to 'figure out what she really likes'--talk to her openly about it.

    If your strength is a problem, then I think she ought to explore bondage a little bit. There's a world of fun to be had in tying a boy's hands and then wrestling with him. If it's done properly, the dom is going to win because the boy's at a disadvantage, but the boy gets to let out his energy. One game I play is to tie a boy up and then tell him that I'm gonna torture him until he gets out. Don't use metal cuffs for this sort of play--they'll hurt your wrists. But leather cuffs will work. Rope or leather straps work much better because they take real thought and effort to get out of (if it can be done at all).
     
  5. Martello

    Martello Member

    If I might suggest reading a few books, might help. The usual "story of O, Carry's story, SM101 also if Sebastian can step in he is aware of a good involving gay bondage that was said to have a great deal to do with that scene when it had come out. I'm not totally sure if that book or any of the books will be helpful but I'm sure it will have a lot to do with male subs none the less.

    Beyond explaining what I would want from a sub of mine I'm sorry that I don't know if I would be able to offer much help. Just be considerate as to feelings, be obedient as to commands and tasks, always take pride in yourself and what you're trying to accomplish and learn as you go. I don't think any more then that could be expected from anyone.
     
  6. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    They're all wonderful. :p lol.

    This will only really work for a 24/7 relationship but I'll post it anyway. :D

    Anticipate your Master/Mistress’s needs. For example – If I’m reading the paper and the room is getting dark I shouldn’t have to tell my sub to turn the light on. It’s nothing major and it wouldn’t be that hard for me to get up and turn the light on myself but by thinking about my needs and anticipating I’m going to turn the light on would make me, personally, very happy indeed. It’s something so small and unimportant that it might go unnoticed but if you start to do it regularly and combine it with anticipating some of my other needs then it all adds up.

    I’m a human teapot, meaning I drink a lot of tea, my mug isn’t empty for more than 10 minuets and I’ve been known to walk three miles to the nearest shop just because I had no tea in the house. Lol. It would mean a lot to me, personally, if my sub were to anticipate my needs and never let my cup go empty.

    While something like that wouldn’t mean a lot to most Masters/Mistress’s it would mean a lot to me and a Sub/slave needs to find their own Masters/Mistress’s “teapot momentâ€, something that is important to them and will put a smile on their face. ;) :D
     
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    You're thinking of Mr Benson, by John Preston. It's an absolute classic of the genre, in fact it's probably the defining work of gay sm erotica. It encapsulates what a gay slave is ideally supposed to be. Might be helpful for a straight slave--I have no experience with the straight BDSM community other than a few things I've heard from friends, so I have no idea how useful it might be for straight sub guys. Do femdoms want their subs shaven and in jock straps?
     
  8. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Yes, I agree. These sorts of gestures meant a ton to me even before I realized my dominance. They're even more important for a formal dom/sub relationship.

    Good thing you clarified what that meant. In this scene, a phrase like that could mean a whole lot of things...
     
  9. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    Another thing to add to that is never make your Master/Mistress repeat their instructions more than twice. I like my tea with a bit of milk and one sugar, if I have to tell a sub that more than twice you can be sure I’m going to get annoyed real quick.

    I’ve learned the hard way to clarify everything I say. Lol.
     
  10. Martello

    Martello Member

    LoL classic! Same here.
     
  11. tumbl3's brat

    tumbl3's brat New Member

    wow thanks you guys soooo much, ya my dom is female and i am male and we have thought of the bondage thing for me, we just don't have much money to spend on it, which is the one of the problems and ya it's kinda turning into a 24/7 dom/sub thing, but i find that i really like it :p
     
  12. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    Yep. This is the only place I have ever had to clarify whether I was talking about a "human puppet", a "human kitty" or just "regular" animals :D
     
  13. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Check out the budget BDSM thread if you're worried about money

    You dont need a lot of cash to buy some soft rope or scarves or some other inexpensive restraint material! You might even want to try bondage tape, its doesn't seem terribly expensive either

    There are lots of online sites that focus on knot tying and bondage as well!
     
  14. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

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