Need help please!

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by kay010, Mar 13, 2010.

  1. kay010

    kay010 New Member

    Hi, I've been going through the forum and thought I might as well ask you all for some help because you all seem to know what you are talking about! I've just started talking to some guy over the internet who is really into all this stuff, whereas I am a complete novice and know nothing! He wants me to dominate him and I do try, but when it comes to me telling him what I want him to do (to me or to himself) I just don't know what to say! I just don't have a wild enough imagination and because he is so experienced I worry that he just thinks I'm stupid! I know you'll all just tell me to say what I want to do to him, but I feel like I'm just repeating myself constantly! Any advice would be amazing! Thank you!
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I totally understand what you mean, Kay. Some of the online domming that I do occasionally feels repetitious. So you're not alone. It takes practice to build up a repetoire of tricks.

    First you need to find out what your guy actually likes, because different subs like different things. He might like pain. He might like bondage. He might like verbal abuse. He might like humiliation. He probably likes some combination of those things. So you need to ask him what sort of treatment he likes and what he finds hot about it.

    Assuming that at the moment this is online domming, here's some general ideas. Bondage is pretty hard to do safely online, especially since he needs to have his hands free to type. Perhaps someone else knows of some tricks in that area. But the other three categories all have options. Verbal abuse is the easiest. Act like you've had a really bad day and need to vent your anger and frustration, and then say the sorts of rude, nasty stuff you were taught never to say. Tell him he's worthless, pathetic, wimpy, a fucking pussy, and so on. There's no way he'd every satisfy you because he's not man enough. Demand that he repeat it back to you. "You're a pussyboy." "Yes, mistress, I'm a pussyboy." Taunt him for getting off on what you're saying--no real man would tolerate what you're saying, but he's loving it. In general, comparisons to the mythical Real Man usually play well. It's sort of embarrassing and shocking to say this stuff at first, but once you get over your embarrassment and awkwardness, you'll be surprised how easy it is to be really nasty to someone.

    Humiliation generally requires ordering him to do something that would be embarrassing. It works best if he has a cam (you can make him turn on his cam without turning on yours--puts him at a disadvantage and makes you a faceless, omnipotent domme). Force him to be in the nude when he chats, or force him to wear ugly or embarrasing clothes. If he like forced feminization, order him to buy some frilly women's clothing to wear, or panties, or lingerie. Order him to stand or sit on the floor--he's not good enough for the furniture. Order him to write humiliating things on himself with a magic marker (like "piece of shit" or "small dick" with an arrow pointing to his cock). Order him to buy a dog collar and model it for you; if he likes puppy play, order him to buy a dog bone to chew on, or require that he keep his tongue hanging out whenever he's talking with you. Order him to take pictures of himself in embarrassing positions and send them to you, and then tell him that you'll share them with friends and laugh at him. If he's interested in water sports, order him to piss in his underwear as he's chatting with you or into his hands and then wipe his hands on his face. Order him to masturbate but forbid him to cum, and tell him that if he cums without permission, you'll punish him. Then force him to cum.

    If he likes pain, you can order him to slap himself, pinch his nipples, slap his balls or his cock, spank himself with a ruler, put clothes pins on his nipples, lips, tongue, ears, cock, balls, or so on. Order him to get hard and then keep ordering him to slap the head of his cock. Order him to start gently slapping his balls and don't let him stop; periodically tell him to increasing the force a little bit. Once it starts getting painful, make him beg you for permission to stop. When he first starts begging, say no. Make him get desperate to stop. Begging works best on the phone, when you can hear the desperation in his voice.

    Once you get the hang of it, the ideas will start flowing fairly easily. Pay attention to what he really responds to and develop new variations on those bits. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
  3. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    You have mail.

    Just happened to have some materials that would help. Collected along the way.

    Female Domination 101. A starter guide of sorts.
  4. kay010

    kay010 New Member

    Thanks for replying! He's definitely in to the whole humiliating side of it. And he does normally tie himself up, put collar on, gag, plug in. But it just feels like when he asks me what i want him to do, all i say is 'tie yourself up', or 'put your plug in', and then after that I have no idea what else to tell him to do? And even just typing that just now makes me realise how rubbish I am! Oh well, at least I can laugh at my rubbishness. I wouldnt mind so much about just totally letting myself go if it was just an internet thing, but I do know him through a friend of a friend, so it is likely that I will see him eventually, and I just dont want him thinking I'm stupid!

    Thanks for your suggestions though, I'll try to keep you updated on it all, not that I can say it will be that interesting that you'll want to know! You never know though.. ;)
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    One trick to being a good dom is to give very precise orders. Don't just tell him to tie himself up. Be specific. Tell him what to tie and how to tie it. Tell him what order to do it in. However, if you're doing bondage long distance, you need to be extremely careful. Bondage fans usually like total immobilization, but you CANNOT do that safely long distance. He has to be able to get himself free of anything he does, because in an emergency he could be in real trouble if he can't untie himself. So be extremely careful about that. If he wants bondage, look for someone in your area who can teach you about it. You can learn on your own from a book, but having a mentor to train you will go a very long way. And having a mentor to practice on will help you be comfortable doing it to him when you finally get a chance to meet.

    Precision works well for humiliation too. Give him a very precise order. "I want you to go out to the pet store and buy a dog collar. You must try it on in the store, to the point of buckling it to make sure that it's the right size. It needs to be black leather." Then when he completes it, question him to make sure that he followed your instructions exactly. If not, make him to it all over again. Make him go back and buy another collar. Be unreasonably picky and find fault with whatever he does, so that you always have an excuse to punish him again.

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