need advice

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by kitten1989, Apr 24, 2013.

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  1. kitten1989

    kitten1989 New Member

    So like most subs I have a rape fantasy. With that being said, I was almost raped (my Sir knows this) by the way we are both pretty new to this concept, we were doing light bdsm before we really knew anything about it, now were getting the hang of it and I would like to tell him about my rape fantasy, but I don't want him to judge me or think less of me. Can anyone give me ideas of how to bring this up? It would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Hi Kitten,
    Yes, I don't think it's just "out of the closet" subs who have rape fantasies. It's usually one of the Top Ten fantasies for women generally - although the methodology of the surveys is always a bit dubious.

    When women discuss rape fantasies it goes against all the things we (both men and women) now believe in a civilized society, and that's why anyone listening should be "concerned" that the fantasy is just that - a fantasy.

    As a switch myself I completely understand the fantasy of being helpless and having control taken away - and I would assume those aspects are similar in female rape fantasies.

    You mentioned that your Master knows you were almost raped. And I assume from your question that you think he may be worried that your fantasy is somehow related to your real life experience. Is that the case? I mean are you worried he would think that?

    Only you can say if there's a real connection between your real life experience and your fantasy. And only you can decide if it's something you need to be concerned about.

    Anyway...you asked about how to sell the idea to your Master.

    I think it might be good to present your rape fantasy alongside other fantasies, so that he understands that this is really a roleplay, and not a symptom of post traumatic stress.

    So you could use the classic communication game. "Let's both write down our three favorite fantasies!"

    When you write it down, don't describe it as a "rape fantasy" - position it as "rough sex".

    And try to choose at least one fantasy that does not portray you as an obvious victim. Put that one at the top of the list, and the "rough sex" fantasy at the bottom.

    Does this makes sense?

    Cheers,
    Stanley
     
  3. Mistywillow

    Mistywillow Member

    Hi kitten

    I have 'rape fantasies' & unfortunately have experienced 'rape', however, my fantasies are not based around my experience & I do not feel they are connected. Also I dealt with the psychological issues that arose from the rape & would suggest this as a starting point if your fantasy & experience are connected. If you feel the two are unconnected & there are no issues from your experience then this is how I approached it.

    When I approached Sir about my fantasies he was a little freaked & found it difficult to understand, but he did not judge me in any way, he also knows the circumstances & details of my experience. I explained, for me, it was about being completely overpowered & the fear of not knowing what was going to happen. He found the word 'rape' unsettlingly & we agreed to refer to my fantasies as 'rough play' or 'forced play' as stanley has already said. Sir also found it difficult as he did not want to 'rape' me, however, we agreed that the term 'rape' was more implied rather than an actual 'act of rape' as all play is consensual & we discuss scene's fully.

    I, therefore would suggest just talking to your Sir & explain your fantasy & what appeals & turns you on about it. Discuss any concerns either of you have, again as stanley has said, 'rape' in today's society goes against all beliefs. However, if you find it daunting hitting the subject head on, like I did, then stanley's suggestion about the communication game is excellent.
    :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2013
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