Need advice on first experience

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by DanSaturn6, Jun 14, 2012.

  1. DanSaturn6

    DanSaturn6 New Member

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    Hey there,

    I have just entered into a relationship with an amazing girl who I know is into BDSM, and more specifically being dominated (tied up, spanked etc.)

    I'm overseas at the moment and during a Skype session last night, I showed her the website of a sex shop I had visited that day.

    Our playful discussions led her to say how much she like ball gages and blindfolds. I'm back on the weekend and want to surprise her with some new toys.

    So far, we have done some light tying up and spanking. I want to buy a blindfold, a ball gag, one cuffs and a paddle, with the idea of blindfolding her, putting in the ball gag, cuffing her and then giving her a nice spanking with the paddle.

    To be honest though, I've never done this before and would love to blow her mind. I know she's into it but I wanted to know if anyone could give me some advice and pointers on how to make it work. Does the order of things sound ok? What kind of things should I be saying while I'm hitting her (she likes humiliation)?

    These questions sound stupid as I type them but any advice would be much appreciated.


  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    These aren't stupid questions. They're all reasonable, and it's a good sign that you know to ask them.
    Have you read the Newcomer's FAQ? There's a lot of stuff in there that you should read and think about.

    Blindfold her first, so she won't be able to see what's coming next. Play a little bit and then introduce the next toy. That will build suspense.

    What you say depends on what sort of scene you're trying to play through. I've got a post in the FAQ about verbal dimming, but here are a couple ideas. If you just want to humiliate her, you can call her names or say things like "look how much the slut is enjoying this! She's a kinky bitch!" Or you could spank her and tell her to count out the number of strokes, or say "thank you, sir, may I have another?" after each stroke. Or you could "punish" her for something she did or failed to do, and make her ask forgiveness.

    Also, think about your domming style. Do you want to be a cruel, asshole dom("suffer, bitch!")? Do you want a be a daddy dom ("this will hurt me more than it will hurt you")? Do you want to be playful ("you like this, don't you?)? Do you want to be a kind trainer ("you can take a little more, I know you can. I'm so pleased with you.")? These will produce different kinds of scenes. So pick one style and go with it. Next time you can do a different style, or work on the same one til you get really good at it.

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    Hi Dan,
    How about a simple "interrogation" scene?

    Get her to hide three coins around the house.

    Your objective is to interrogate her for the location of the coins.

    If you want to make it more elaborate then you can introduce a penalty and reward. If you find all three coins inside an hour then you get to fuck her up the ass. If she lasts the full hour then you have to eat pussy until she comes at least twice. I'm sure you can figure out appropriate "rewards" :)

    OK...for the interrogation part I would recommend a "repetitive punishment". For example, if you buy some nipple clamps from the sex shop, you can simply wiggle the clamps to cause pain. Try to be careful and just wiggle for a few seconds, then stop...then wiggle for a few seconds and so on. It's the repetition that becomes intolerable, not the degree of pain. Another thing you can try with nipples clamps on a chain is to attach one clamp to one nipple, then "play skipping" with the chain by holding the other end and spinning the chain like a skipping rope. It's really quite painful, and you should only do it for a few seconds before unclipping the clamp and moving to the other nipple. If you repeat this a few times she'll be begging to tell you where the coin is.

    So let's say she lies to you in order to make it stop. You look in that place and there's actually no coin. That's when you use spanking, or some other impact punishment. Then you go back to the interrogation.

    When you find a coin she earns a five minute break...a drink of water, etc. Remove the gag, but keep her in bondage and give her the water by you taking a mouthful, and kissing her so the water flows into her mouth from yours. Make her beg for another drink. Play with her pussy, but not enough to make her come. Build up her sexual excitement before the next part of the interrogation starts.

    An additional rule that can be good. When you find a coin, you can no longer use the same punishment to try to find the next coin. So other "repetitive" punishments might include:

    Buy a steel knitting needle with a reasonably sharp point. The idea is that it will not break the skin, but if you press it into her flesh it will be uncomfortable. This works well in a blindfold and bondage scene because she will not know where the next "prod" will come from. Again, each prod should be firm, but not pressed too hard. It's the repetition that will wear her down. Depending on the knitting needle, you might be able to scrape it across her flesh safely, and if she happens to be ticklish then scraping it quite gently down her ribcage can cause a very satisfacotry reaction! Same thing if you can get to the soles of her feet...scraping the point over her feet will drive her crazy and there's no actual need to cause any damage or real pain. The important thing in a tickling scenario is that she should feel totally helpless...unable to stop this happening unless she tells you where the coin is. Try the needle on yourself first to make sure you understand what effect a given pressure has - but most knitting needles do not have points that will easily break the skin.

    Rubber bands make a good "zapper". Even better is if you can visit a dress shop (or department store, or a hobby shop) and buy a length of elastic used in hems. Take about a one foot length, and pull it back and let it smack against parts of her body. It's quite controllable, and so difficult to really hurt her by mistake. It also works really well if you vary the time between smacks, and "keep her waiting". The waiting, and not knowing when a blow is going to fall will actually start to grind her down. Take it really slowly, and draw out the punishment.

    What you say will also be important. Use classic phrases you've probably heard in movies.

    • "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way."
    • "You know you can't win."
    • "Everybody cracks...nobody can resist forever."
    • "You know how you can make this stop."
    • "Why don't you just tell me, and we can move on?"

      Also remind her what the consequences are of her losing the game.
    • "Your ass is going to feel so tight."

  4. DanSaturn6

    DanSaturn6 New Member

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    Hey, thanks so much for the suggestions and encouragement. I guess I'm just worried about stepping outside my comfort zone (but I guess that the whole idea, right?). I'm really fucking excited about it. I think I'll go for the playful dom first then work my way up from there. I'll let you know on Monday how it went!
  5. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    the trick to any sort of play is to relax, be comfortable, and progress in the life at your own pace. If eithe rof you feels pressured or uncomfortable or uneasy, if if its merely with yourself, you'll not be able to enjoy it to the fullest and therefore you will be less prone to want to repeat it. Sebastian is 100% correct (as usual), take your time, build suspense, no one knows what the two of you are looking for better then the two of you, so follow her cues, if shes seems to not be enjoying it, then shes probably not, and if she seems to really be enjoying it, then by all means continue until she indicates for you to stop. Don't forget to give her a safeword, or a safetysign since she'll have a gag in, and have fun.
  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Also, once you've finished with all the BDSM and are just doing the cuddling afterward, talk with her about what you did. My standard questions are
    1) What did you like best?
    2) What did you want more of?
    3) What's one thing I could have done differently or better?

    That way you'll know how to shape your second scene in a way that hits her buttons better.

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