Well I'm back my life has been pretty fucked up over the last few months so I hav'nt felt like posting I recently exited a extremely intense relationship that went very sour. I don't know where i could start that would make all this make sense so I may as well start at the begining. it was november 2009 I had just gotten back from a long trip to america upon my return to the UK I found that my freinds had either moved on with there lives or wernt interesed anymore. when I had left for america I hadnt been on very good terms with my family I had hoped they would have gotten over it but they hadnt. so with no job no freinds and nothing to really do I decided to get drunk when I got to the shop they were a few a teenage girls outside one of them came up to me asked me to buy them some booze I thought why not so got my drink and their drink when I gave to them the one the asked me to go into the store asked me if I wanted to go to a party I didnt really feel like going to a party but I had nothing better to do the party was what I expeced a bunch of teenagers getting drunk and having sex. the girl that had asked me to buy the drink stuck to me most of the night we ended having sex that night which wasnt anything uncommon anyway the next day she asked me if I want to go into town with her to meet her sister so I went with her I didnt realy like this girl but she was attractive enough and one of the few people that had been nice to me since I got back once we meet her sister everything changes I hit it off with her sister imediatly and within about week we were dating skip ahead a few months and we are living toghether and madly in love this went very well until about october 2010 we having a few problems before that but nothing major until then. one of her old freinds moves in which I didnt like but had no real say in as after all it was her house I had suspected that her freind was trying to poisen her against me but I was secure in the fact that she loved me then I found out that they where sleeping toghether when I found out about this I was devistated but I didnt leave I was hoping she would tell me about it and ask my forgivness but she didnt after this I started acting recklessly going out all night partying, drinking all day and having casual sex I had hoped this would make her leave me but no I hated her so much for cheating on me but couldnt bring myself to leave her becauce I knew I would miss her in the end it just turned into a battle to see who could push the other the furthest and still have them holding their hand. it was december 14 when I finally decided to break it off I still loved her but I was just to hard to stay in that relationship. its 3 months on now and I am still fealling down I havnt spoken to her since I left and she has not tryed to contact me. although I am glad that I left and I know staying with her would have destroyed me I miss her everyday and think about all the good times we had. I am trying to move on at the moment I have started a new relationship but there is no real feeling there and I don't plan on making it a long term thing. I don't know why I decided to write all this on the site but I do feel better for getting it out of system.