My husband wont be my master anymore

Discussion in 'General fetish discussions' started by RoughCherry, Feb 8, 2010.

  1. RoughCherry

    RoughCherry New Member

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    For 6 years my husband and I have been into BDSM. I was the submisive one so you know had which role. But a year this all changed when he was in a very bad car accident. He survived after being in a coma for a month. But ever since then when I try to be submisive with him he has no interest in it. It feels wrong because we were both very into it. He still loves me, but he told me that he doesnt feel right anymore about it.

    I even tried him being my slave for a while, but neither of us enjoyed that. Is there any way I can get him back into how he was or is what we had lost forever?
    If we cant go back to how we were this wont hurt our relationship to were we will split, we have a lot more that holds us together.

    We do have sex still, but it is the "normal" sex. The whole in and out jazz.
  2. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

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    How long ago was the accident? He might just need some time to recover. Hold off for a little bit, and after a while, try to be a little submissive. Slowly try to give him control over small things, and if he goes with that try to give him a little more. He might realize he missed it.

    I hope that helps?
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    It's possible that something physical has actually changed for him. Those who suffer traumatic brain injuries occasionally report odd changes. I know of one man whose musical tastes changed drastically after a brain injury, and another who sense of taste was altered, so that food no longer tastes the same. An ex of mine had a client who lost the ability to control his impulses, and consequently had to be monitored by a caretaker when he went out in public, lest he do something inappropriate (such as expose himself or shout at people). So it's possible that something has shifted organically in his brain and he no longer processes dominance the same way. If that's the case, there may not be anything you can do about it.

    On the other hand, it's possible that the issue is something psychological. Here I'm just speculating, but perhaps the accident has left him feeling powerless and incapable of being in control, or perhaps he's irrationally afraid of hurting you for some reason. Or maybe he's depressed--depression frequently robs people of the ability to enjoy favorite activities. If that's the case, therapy may help him. So I guess my advice would be to go to a therapist for a while to see if he can figure out what is causing the issue. If you do, make sure you find a kink-friendly therapist. Some therapists still view d/s play as a form of illness; such a therapist would probably think that you're the one who needs to be treated.

    Good luck.
  4. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    I agree with Sebastian regarding how people can change after a traumatic event. I've seen the same kinds of changes in both friends and relatives. It sounds like this might have been a "Near Death" experience. I know of no one that comes out the same after something like that.
    You didn't mentioned how banged up he was, and I assume that all that recovery may have affected his musculature and, possibly, his hormone levels. It could be as simple as a reduction in testosterone, or physiological (and neurological) changes that could be much longer in effect... Not to mention that none of us really know what happens during a coma. It just doesn't register.
    I'm glad you still have him, and glad you know that you can be ok with a change in agenda for a while. Sounds like you already know what's important.

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