L8NightQ
Member
MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Well Seb, you hit the nail on the head with that one.
Div - It's not just subs who want you to be psychic, it's all our partners.... kinky or not.
When you think about it, your issue is one of countless males who assume the traditional dominant (non bdsm) role in a relationship. You want to have sex with your woman, but you care about her, care about her feelings, you're her best friend, etc.... So how do you take her from watching tv, or doing something else that's completely non sexual to the point where your fucking. Guys dilemma, boyfriends dilemma, partners, dilemma.
The boundary and transition areas are the same. You guys are just kinky.
You've got some great suggestions here, particularly from Tumbl3, Gypsy, and Seb regarding time zones that belong to you, or signals that belong to her. Let me suggest one additional thing for you that will help the transition and reinforce your roles. A bridge, so to speak.
First, take the suggestion that certain times are your times, and if she has a problem with that, then she should make sure that there is an exception to the rule for that time. This, however should be negotiated to allow for you to select an alternate time. It doesn't just go away.
If she can't pick, then choose the times that you think work best for you, with some consideration for her work hours. You may want to give her a free rolling period for times when her body is not quite normal (translate... her period). These are free times, but she needs to tell you when this is happening, not just assume you know (Aunt flo is on her way, or whatever, just be clear).
BDSM doesn't have to start with you as an aggressor. My toy often starts a session with a trigger. This trigger could be a "point of entry" on your bridge.
You guys love each other, so sometimes she just wants to be close and touchy feely with you. Let her be. If she tries to wake up the beast by stroking your dick or something more overt, you know you're on the bridge cause she is taking you across with her. At that point she is yours.... if not, you guys were just being close. Fine.
Other times, you guys may have just come in from somewhere, or you may still be out, but when you really feel like taking her, just say "I've got something in mind for you. This is just for me..... Are you ok with that?"
If she says yes, your bridge is clear for you to carry out your vision.
This, by the way, can be done whether you're in your time zone or not. And it's a good thing to do, just to let her know that the schedule is not always hard for you and she is yours all the time. Trust me, it will really help her feel close to you and let her know that you are always thinking about her.
Tumbl3 also mentioned that some subs like to be subjugated out of the blue. I agree. As a Dom you have the right (if she is that kind of sub, and most are) to spank her pretty much when you want. Not a punishment spank, but a ownership spank, if you can relate to that. Let's say she doing some cleaning, like washing dishes. Try just walking up behind her and putting your arm around her neck (slow, not fast like an attack). With your other arm reach around from behind and start to fondle her. Most subs will stay still and silent. After that, keep your arm around her neck and pull down whatever she has at waist level, to expose her bottom. Bend her over a counter or chair and spank her for a minute or so. Then let her go and tell her to keep her clothes where they are and go back to what she was doing until you tell her she can pull them back up/put them back on. She will feel exposed, owned, and objectified. If she asks your permission to pull her clothes back up, give her a task to do to satisfy you (can you think of one Mr. Dom?), and then she can carry on.
After a while the signals and body language... and the bridge signals will become pretty automatic.
And of course, this is purely psychological.... Just to provide reassurance to you for something that you shouldn't feel guilty about.
One more thing. Since you guys don't live together, I assume she comes to see you, or you come to see her. You could just get used to telling her "Every time you see me, you're going to serve me, sooner or later" implying that you expect to have sex or some kind of subservience, every time you see each other. If you roll this way, she will come to expect it as a regular part of seeing you.
Hope this helps.
Div - It's not just subs who want you to be psychic, it's all our partners.... kinky or not.
When you think about it, your issue is one of countless males who assume the traditional dominant (non bdsm) role in a relationship. You want to have sex with your woman, but you care about her, care about her feelings, you're her best friend, etc.... So how do you take her from watching tv, or doing something else that's completely non sexual to the point where your fucking. Guys dilemma, boyfriends dilemma, partners, dilemma.
The boundary and transition areas are the same. You guys are just kinky.
You've got some great suggestions here, particularly from Tumbl3, Gypsy, and Seb regarding time zones that belong to you, or signals that belong to her. Let me suggest one additional thing for you that will help the transition and reinforce your roles. A bridge, so to speak.
First, take the suggestion that certain times are your times, and if she has a problem with that, then she should make sure that there is an exception to the rule for that time. This, however should be negotiated to allow for you to select an alternate time. It doesn't just go away.
If she can't pick, then choose the times that you think work best for you, with some consideration for her work hours. You may want to give her a free rolling period for times when her body is not quite normal (translate... her period). These are free times, but she needs to tell you when this is happening, not just assume you know (Aunt flo is on her way, or whatever, just be clear).
BDSM doesn't have to start with you as an aggressor. My toy often starts a session with a trigger. This trigger could be a "point of entry" on your bridge.
You guys love each other, so sometimes she just wants to be close and touchy feely with you. Let her be. If she tries to wake up the beast by stroking your dick or something more overt, you know you're on the bridge cause she is taking you across with her. At that point she is yours.... if not, you guys were just being close. Fine.
Other times, you guys may have just come in from somewhere, or you may still be out, but when you really feel like taking her, just say "I've got something in mind for you. This is just for me..... Are you ok with that?"
If she says yes, your bridge is clear for you to carry out your vision.
This, by the way, can be done whether you're in your time zone or not. And it's a good thing to do, just to let her know that the schedule is not always hard for you and she is yours all the time. Trust me, it will really help her feel close to you and let her know that you are always thinking about her.
Tumbl3 also mentioned that some subs like to be subjugated out of the blue. I agree. As a Dom you have the right (if she is that kind of sub, and most are) to spank her pretty much when you want. Not a punishment spank, but a ownership spank, if you can relate to that. Let's say she doing some cleaning, like washing dishes. Try just walking up behind her and putting your arm around her neck (slow, not fast like an attack). With your other arm reach around from behind and start to fondle her. Most subs will stay still and silent. After that, keep your arm around her neck and pull down whatever she has at waist level, to expose her bottom. Bend her over a counter or chair and spank her for a minute or so. Then let her go and tell her to keep her clothes where they are and go back to what she was doing until you tell her she can pull them back up/put them back on. She will feel exposed, owned, and objectified. If she asks your permission to pull her clothes back up, give her a task to do to satisfy you (can you think of one Mr. Dom?), and then she can carry on.
After a while the signals and body language... and the bridge signals will become pretty automatic.
And of course, this is purely psychological.... Just to provide reassurance to you for something that you shouldn't feel guilty about.
One more thing. Since you guys don't live together, I assume she comes to see you, or you come to see her. You could just get used to telling her "Every time you see me, you're going to serve me, sooner or later" implying that you expect to have sex or some kind of subservience, every time you see each other. If you roll this way, she will come to expect it as a regular part of seeing you.
Hope this helps.
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