MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Hi everyone. I've lurked on these forums off and on for a few months now. I've read the newcomer's FAQ but I still have sort of a block and I haven't seen it discussed.
Some background. I met my current girlfriend last year. It took a few months but she eventually told me that she's into being submissive. Apparently she was worried that I would judge her or something to that effect, but I don't. I'm completely open to the idea and quite enjoy exploring being dominant. I've always been the dominant one in sexual situations, but not to this degree. So it's all new and exciting to me.
That said, I'm finding that I have two separate mindsets. One is the one I use in normal life. I make a lot of jokes, try to be kind/understanding, etc. The other one is... I guess more forceful? It's hard to explain, but it's different. My hope is that some other people here know what the hell I'm talking about and will understand. In regular life, my girlfriend and I are very egalitarian, but when it comes to sex-based endeavors, we're in different roles. I'm stating obvious things now. The point is, I have two mental states: master and regular.
That's all well and good, I don't mind the separation. However, I have a great difficulty switching between the two well. Sometimes we'll be sitting on the couch, and I'll think "you know, I really wish she were tied down to the bed naked right now," but I can't outwardly make that transition when we're sitting there watching Gilmore Girls (don't judge me, Gilmore Girls was an awesome show). It takes me a long time to transition from regular me to being her master, and it often seems to necessitate a period of silence between us, and that doesn't really happen until later in the night, and by that point I know all she wants to do is sleep. I don't like to force her into sex when she truly doesn't want to be forced, if that makes sense. That turns into kind of a vicious cycle. Her sexual appetite seems to be dictated by how often and how effectively I am able to be her master.
So, I hit kind of a wall. I know she wants to be told what to do, but it takes me forever to make that transition from regular life to being able to tell her what to do. I really want to get into the more consistent aspects of what I guess you call bdsm. Sending her to work with a rope harness on, that kind of thing. I'd like to eventually get to the point where she orgasms on command. I know that takes a long time to do and probably doesn't work for everyone, but I guess it's good to have goals, right? I don't really know where to start with that, but that's really not even at issue right now.
My assumption is that it has something to do with confidence, but I don't really know how to break myself of the habit. During the day, I dream up what I want to do when I see her later, but when I actually see her, the mood is so light that I can't make the transition from what is happening to what I wanted to do, or we just have other things that need to be done.
I've talked to her about all this, actually I think we've discussed it a couple of times, and while she reassures me that I don't need to be timid (relatively), it doesn't really help. So I don't know what to do.
Do you have separate mental modes? If so, do you or did you ever have difficulty segueing between them, and are there good ways to overcome this difficulty? Are there perhaps rules that could be implemented that would help me get into this more?
Some background. I met my current girlfriend last year. It took a few months but she eventually told me that she's into being submissive. Apparently she was worried that I would judge her or something to that effect, but I don't. I'm completely open to the idea and quite enjoy exploring being dominant. I've always been the dominant one in sexual situations, but not to this degree. So it's all new and exciting to me.
That said, I'm finding that I have two separate mindsets. One is the one I use in normal life. I make a lot of jokes, try to be kind/understanding, etc. The other one is... I guess more forceful? It's hard to explain, but it's different. My hope is that some other people here know what the hell I'm talking about and will understand. In regular life, my girlfriend and I are very egalitarian, but when it comes to sex-based endeavors, we're in different roles. I'm stating obvious things now. The point is, I have two mental states: master and regular.
That's all well and good, I don't mind the separation. However, I have a great difficulty switching between the two well. Sometimes we'll be sitting on the couch, and I'll think "you know, I really wish she were tied down to the bed naked right now," but I can't outwardly make that transition when we're sitting there watching Gilmore Girls (don't judge me, Gilmore Girls was an awesome show). It takes me a long time to transition from regular me to being her master, and it often seems to necessitate a period of silence between us, and that doesn't really happen until later in the night, and by that point I know all she wants to do is sleep. I don't like to force her into sex when she truly doesn't want to be forced, if that makes sense. That turns into kind of a vicious cycle. Her sexual appetite seems to be dictated by how often and how effectively I am able to be her master.
So, I hit kind of a wall. I know she wants to be told what to do, but it takes me forever to make that transition from regular life to being able to tell her what to do. I really want to get into the more consistent aspects of what I guess you call bdsm. Sending her to work with a rope harness on, that kind of thing. I'd like to eventually get to the point where she orgasms on command. I know that takes a long time to do and probably doesn't work for everyone, but I guess it's good to have goals, right? I don't really know where to start with that, but that's really not even at issue right now.
My assumption is that it has something to do with confidence, but I don't really know how to break myself of the habit. During the day, I dream up what I want to do when I see her later, but when I actually see her, the mood is so light that I can't make the transition from what is happening to what I wanted to do, or we just have other things that need to be done.
I've talked to her about all this, actually I think we've discussed it a couple of times, and while she reassures me that I don't need to be timid (relatively), it doesn't really help. So I don't know what to do.
Do you have separate mental modes? If so, do you or did you ever have difficulty segueing between them, and are there good ways to overcome this difficulty? Are there perhaps rules that could be implemented that would help me get into this more?
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