Managing 24/7

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Mistywillow, Oct 13, 2014.

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  1. Mistywillow

    Mistywillow Member

    Sir & i have been in the lifestyle for approx 18 mths & made the decision to move from a bedroom D/s relationship to a 24/7 after approx 6mths. This has largely been a great experience for both of Us/us & We/we have been really happy, once overcoming some small issues.

    However, recently i have changed my job, which involves longer hours & there is pressure to work overtime & Sir is also having to work overtime in His job. Due to this Our/our relationship is taking more of a back seat at the moment. Neither of Us/us want this but We/we are at a loss as to what We/we can do to manage this.

    Any advice or suggestion's on how We/we can achieve even a small balance would be appreciated.
     
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    This is something my slave and I struggle with too. His job is currently requiring him to do 12-hour shifts, so there are days when we barely see each other. Additionally, my current employment situation is iffy; i'm going to be losing about 3/5 of my income in a few months, which makes us more dependent on his income. That sort of inverts the power dynamic we both want. So I can feel for you.

    What has helped us is establishing small rituals that act to remind both of us who's in charge. For example, when my slave comes home (or when I come home, if he's home first), he kneels and kisses my feet. After he undresses, he offers me his collar and asks me to put it on him (although he's been slipping on this one lately because he's busy and stressed out). Rituals like that don't take much time, and they act to structure our private lives in simple ways. The rings on his collar jingle as he goes about his chores, which is a nice little reminder for both of us.

    BDSM is about trying to enact a fantasy into our lived reality. But no matter how real we make the fantasy, it's never completely real. The reality of work and social demands always win out. So I like to acknowledge this; it puts a little less pressure on us to get our power exchange 'right'.
     
  3. Mistywillow

    Mistywillow Member

    Thanks sebastian. We/we do have little things We/we do do, but things have been falling by the wayside a little due to stress & tiredness on both Our/our parts.

    i have thought about finding another less demanding job, but the money is good where i am & at the moment We/we need my income as well as Sir's. Our/our main problem is time, well lack of time to be precise. Having identified this We/we are trying to work on making any free time, quality time, if that makes sense.
     
  4. Tarynsslave

    Tarynsslave Member

    Wonderfully said, Sebastian!
    Mistywillow - It's true: Try as we might but we'll always still be living in the real world. Obviously, the goal for people like us is to attempt to be as close to "24/7" as realistically possible. These sorts of hang-ups can seem quite upsetting and even discouraging, especially when initially encountering them. My Mistress and I understand that not everything will be perfect and that we will always still have real lives and responsibilities to attend to. Please take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in having these difficulties.

    As mentioned, rituals can become very helpful and I suggest giving them a try. I too was also required to kneel before my Owner as one of the earliest rituals in my training (And I still do it every day upon returning home). Other things we implemented included having me wear publicly discreet reminders of my enslavement, such as a chastity belt and a butt plug harness. As a result, I'm gently aware of my status anytime and anywhere I am, even at work, spending time with vanilla friends/co-workers, or even at church!

    It is the little things that make up life. Some of them can become surprisingly effective, mentally and/or physically. Experiment and find what works well for you and your Master. Hope everything goes well; best of luck! :)
     
  5. Mistywillow

    Mistywillow Member

    Tarynsslave thank you.

    Sir & i are working on rituals that We/we can put in place on a daily basis, that works for both of Us/us. So far things have been going well & what time We/we do manage to grab hold of is being used wisely.

    It is nice to know & reassuring to know there are others going through the same thing.
     
  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Doing 24/7 is not easy. It takes a lot of adjusting to, you have constantly deal with the rest of life intruding, sometimes you don't have the energy for it, and it requires both master and slave to remain focused. So don't feel bad if it takes you a while to get fully into it. My slave and I have been doing it for well over a year now, and objectively we're probably only 12/4 in a lot of ways.
     
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