love vs. the "life''

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by chibiTHETERRIBLE, Aug 24, 2010.


    chibiTHETERRIBLE New Member

    MIRROR: Download from MEGA
    Im in love with My pet. We began our relationship as MISTRESS and fucktoy, but now we are definately an item. I have always shown My toy the utmost respect outside of our playtime, and I truly value him as a person. Its gotten to the point now that I still very much want to Domme him. I get so turned on thinking of him as My pet, it's hard to shut off. I hear a little snap in his tone, or a smart assed comment and I instantly want to punish or humiliate him. I really dont know how to live this way. I dont want to scare or bore him away, but I cant make Myself stop. This week we are attempting to be vanilla for the entire week. he seems fine, but Im struggling. I have never held a romantic relationship to this extent with a sub, does anyone have advice on how to make this work? Is it possible? help?
  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    My relationship with my master was the exact opposite, we started as boyfriend and girlfriend and become master and pet later on.
    There's absolutely no reason the two of you cant have a completely normal romantic relationship and still be mistress/slave.
    Has he always misbehaved in little ways or is this new since you became an item? Why are you trying to vanilla? In my opinion, if you don't want to bore him than the last thing to do would be to act vanilla! Why would punishing him, now that you're his girlfriend and not just his mistress, be negative?

    Even when my master was punishing me, I still knew that he loved me more than anything else. I was never afraid that he wasn't interested in me anymore just because he disapproved of my bad behavior. If your pet-boyfriend feels the same way about you as you do about him, then I have no idea what you're concerned about.

    You might want to send Tumbl3 a PM though, I'm pretty sure she and her sub are in a pretty serious relationship. I might be making that up though =P
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2010
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    I don't have any personal experience with a d/s ltr, but simply as a general principle, talk to him a lot, especially when you're starting out. If you're struggling with the vanilla side of it, let him know that. You may be the domme, but you have a right to express your struggles and limits.

    A lot of couples ease into d/s play; perhaps you need to ease into vanilla activities a little at a time. Maybe you should explore the more romantic elements of d/s play first, such as having him be a romantic devoted slave, the classic romance novel hero, willing to do anything for the woman he loves. Or do vanilla stuff outside the bedroom but d/s stuff in the bedroom.
  4. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    chibi -

    Start by making an agreement regarding your "outside of bedroom" life.

    Whatever happens outside with your other life cannot cross the line. Only when you get to a certain point, after a certain hour, etc.... can you use his behavior in your discipline process. Otherwise when he's playing the normal man role he'll be generating payback within you, then you'll really start to get screwed up.

    I'm Top in a real relationship, a Dominant when I'm in a casual or just sexual (short term) thing. With a relationship, she is my partner and friend, and as such I am very careful not to take action at night on what happens during the day.
    Yes, sometimes we dip, but only in the more caring, playful, and intimate parts of our daily life. If she mouths off the wrong way, or something weird happens, we talk about it as a couple. I don't let outside roles transfer energy to inside roles. Sometimes to the point where I won't dominate her at all if something isn't sitting well.

    You seem to love him very much. Just do that... respect him as a man during the day, and let him release himself to you at night. Just seems that you're so hot all the time that anything takes you back to the heat of the last scene (I mean that in a good way).

    I'm not worried about your relationship.
    Work the love, not the fire.


    chibiTHETERRIBLE New Member

    MIRROR: Download from MEGA
    Thanks so much! very good advice from all. I really think it will work, and we've been talking openly and honestly throughout this week. It really is important for us to finish this week of normalcy. I dont look at it as abstaining, more as a test. L8NightQ, thanks a lot for your help.

    one more thing: I do hope he enjoys this little break, because when we play again on monday I start seriously training My toy. Until now, I have been playfully introducing him to this life, and his role as My slave. I feel that he has shown Me a truly submissive and selfless side and thus deserves to become a better toy for Me.
  6. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

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    Seems I've arrived here a bit too late lol. I actually like that idea of being vanilla for a week. Especially since it gave me one of my best punishment ideas ever. As always L8NightQ seems to have the right answer. I hope you have fun with the rest of your week, especially when you start training him next week >:] Keep us updated, and welcome to the forum.

    SLP: Yes, my puppy and I are in a pretty serious relationship. We love each other very much. We haven't been doing ANY D/s because he's been gone learning to be a trucker (makes me sad). We're excited to get started when he gets back.

    chibiTHETERRIBLE New Member

    MIRROR: Download from MEGA
    thanks tumbl

    Thank you for the welcome anyhow. I hope that we continue correspondence. Its nice to know of another couple with a similar dynamic. Perhaps we can compare our pets funny little behaviors and rules sometime? Unless that's taboo for some reason? Im new to this forum thing. Im just very curious to know about other couples with working romantic relationships.
  8. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member


    chibiTHETERRIBLE New Member

  10. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

  11. chibiTHETERRIBLE

    chibiTHETERRIBLE New Member

    MIRROR: Download from MEGA
    our goal as a couple is to define the rules or times that we play, bc we also really enjoy the normal couple stuff, mutual respect and so-on. also, my pet gets annoyed and confused when he doesnt know how he should act.
  12. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    Is it okay for your pet to let loose when you're out of the bedroom? Or do the bedroom and the "regular" life blend together?

    My master and I had the two slightly blend together. For instance, there were obvious bedroom times and obvious regular times. But sometimes when I got too out of hand in regular life, and then I would get punished later or sometimes I would call him master in regular life. Just little things

    You and your pet should talk about what limits you want to set for each other. But everything doesn't need to be set up with rules
  13. a1bbwsub

    a1bbwsub Member

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    We both Are Switches so we have a lot of who's the dom convos LOL Depends on our moods but I know I am the one with the most control but I give control to him when I am in subby mode ! Then I am a kitten and hes Daddy But the goddess comes out fairly regularly I have more experience in the life then he does and he is willing to learn and I like teaching him all about being a dom as well as taking the reins in and out of the Bed. Like at Parties I am The Mistress because he doesn't feel hes ready to Dom me in public! It is a learning thing for each couple! So we do have a romantic couple time and enjoy ourselves my advise is be your self ! OH Yeah make your rules write them and go over them often !
  14. kajmir

    kajmir Member

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    My newbie suggestion.

    I am not a submissive 24/7. The Master I choose was infact not looking for a pet but a friend, I replied to his ad. We got along so well that I basically said asked him to be my Master, he enjoys me as a friend as much as fucktoy as well, fucktoy, top 3 of drty pet names?

    Anyways our deal is simple: when play names are in play, so are we. When we're just Kajmir and Billy, we are just Kajmir and Billy. When one wants to play ask if "domme" or "fucktoy" is available. When I'm just really not available, "fucktoy" is sleeping. When "Master" isn't available, he has gone out.

    I think personally, you're making it more then it is and I DON'T mean that in a bitch way. But are you seriously turned on 24/7? I doubt it, so when you're not...just be YOU.

    We'd frankly like to be a vanilla couple also, but we have a distance problem and while I agree age isn't a HUGE deal, our age diff is at the point where he is in college and I was looking to be married with kids about 3 years ago. The gap is just a bit too big.
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2010
  15. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    kaj - you may want to re-apply this post or a variant of it under "Mental States" for Div.
    I like the "use" reference, and you're right. We're not turned on 24/7, sometimes we're just us.

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