Life rant

Discussion in 'Section open for any subject to discuss' started by Tumbl3, Nov 11, 2010.

  1. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    I just can't fucking deal with my life anymore. I am so depressed it isn't even funny.
    My puppy asked if I would cook hamburger helper for her tonight and I said sure, but the thing is that I don't even want to cook. I love cooking, but I just...don't have the will to do it.
    I even talked to her this morning about me being depressed, but I still don't feel better.
    Life is just piling down on to me.
    Things with Puppy and I are finally great. We're in a closed relationship, starting to do more SM in the bedroom. Yet I can't seem to enjoy it, now that I finally have that.
    I just got friend dumped because I forgot to text my friend when I could hang out/when the Harry Potter tickets were on sale. Also because I had already bought the tickets for me and another friend who is coming along. She made it out to seem like it was my entire fault and that I had forgotten on purpose. I HAVE FUCKING DEPRESSION, BITCH. And tendencies for Non-verbal learning disorder AND adhd. I forget shit ALL the time. And when I don't forget, I get distracted. Plus add in roommate drama and relationship drama, why the fuck would you think that I would remember something as small as that?
    I know I hurt her feelings, but I can't really feel any sympathy for her as I'm going through a difficult time in my life too. If she just doesn't want to be my friend anymore because I'm not "making an effort", then fine. I do try, but I also get swamped with life.
    Recently I've become very suicidal again and angry and it's scaring me. I haven't been like this in a while, but I'm very much afraid of being alone right now.
    There's even more than that, but it's honestly just too much to post...
    I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting about everything. I am just so tired. Tired down to my very core.
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Yow. Life is just not being kind to the Good Ship Smplace's crew, is it? I'm sorry you're struggling, Tumble. I've been there and I know how rough it can be. I just posted something to Cuffy about depression and suicide, and a lot of it applies to you as well. So see that post. Two other suggestions

    1) Start exercising regularly if you aren't. Regular exercise (especially outdoor exercise, if you get handle it as the weather gets colder) is proven to reduce depression symptoms. Getting outside will cheer you a little. Working on your body will cheer you. It will improve your attractiveness. The endorphins from exercise will help combat your depression chemically.
    2) Look into a therapist or support group. This can be extremely helpful.
  3. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    Well I took a walk outside today, and that helped. I need to call my therapist and try to schedule an appointment...

    I know if I wait long enough it will get better, it's just being in the now that's hard. I'm just reading Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix with music playing, it helps me if I just escape for a while. And then I'll probably cry tonight.

    By the way, whoever in the god damned world ever said crying was shameful or a horrible thing should be bathed with boiling oil.

    I've noticed life has kind of been sucking for everyone recently....
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  4. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    -pins a good luck charm on the door-

    please stay away bad feelings... please stay away...

    I would advocate for more than just a walk, a real job or a trip to the gym to get those endorphins flowing. If your partner isnt too busy, ask her to help you out with the motivational factor (aka, she goes the gym/run with you). You seem to be willing to do something, even if you're not all that into it, if she asks you
    Try channeling your energy into new things. For instance I find writing a really positive way to express myself. It doesnt matter if you "arent good" as long as you try to get your feelings onto the paper.

    Sometimes you have stupid friends, if she dropped you for something as silly as HP tickets then you're much better off without her. Dont dwell on it, you dont need her drama in your life anyways

    As far as drama goes, try to distance yourself as much as possible from any drama or pettiness going on. If people want to talk to you about it, tell them no, if people want to involve you in it, ignore them. If you're already dealing with problems beyond your control (ie the chemical imbalance in your brain) then you might as well try to reduce all other stress factors in your life.

    Also def get on that therapist appointment
  5. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    I've actually been thinking I'll write again tonight. Funny it enough it is one of my few talents. I have an entire deviantart account with my writing on it. I also learned how to play "The Only Exception" by Paramore on guitar.
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2010
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  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Tumble, I strongly suspect you're selling yourself short. I'm sure you have more than a few talents. Your posts have always struck me as being full of common sense, a sadly rare quality, and anyone who is a competent Dom has a good range of interpersonal skills. And there's always your amazing ass...
  7. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    X3 Thank you. I'm just naturally an over modest person, I don't want to come off as conceited or arrogant.

    And thank you and SLP for posting, today is MUCH better. I'm going to go hang out with a friend today, and hopefully by my next paycheck I will be able to buy my lexapro and get started on that.
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  8. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Do you have insurance to cover your medical needs?

    You're like...19 right? Do you go to college? Are you enrolled in the college's health insurance plan? Are you on your parents health insurance plan? You shouldn't have to wait until you have a paycheck in order to get medication if you're properly insured

    This is something to seeeeriously look into.
    Like... asap

    (also, daww <3 <3 <3)
  9. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    I have insurance. It's $22 for my lexapro. I'm not in college because I am DUMB. And I mean that in the best possible way, I made a stupid mistake so now I owe the college, like, $500. And I'm on my stepmom's military insurance. So my doctor's visits are covered, and my pills are partially covered.
    I also have a therapist I go to with no copay.
  10. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

  11. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    X3 omg that is awesome!!!

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