Keeping things fresh...

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Pslave14, May 26, 2011.

  1. Pslave14

    Pslave14 New Member

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    I am very new to the forum and the BDSM lifestyle. I have been my Master's slave for a little over a month now. My Master and I have a six year vanilla relationship before that and decided to take things in the master/slave direction.

    As his slave, I am adapting well for I have always felt that my life was for others use. One thing that I am having trouble with is keeping things new and exciting in our relationship. I feel that all of the information out there about BDSM and things related to this topic are all the same. I have done research for the past four weeks, but I feel as though I have read the same information over and over. I would like some help here. I would like it if the more experienced BDSM members would suggest some of their favorite books or websites so that I can please my Master and be able to surprise him with something new. Again, we are only one month into the lifestyle but we have dabbled in BDSM before. I like pain play and my Master enjoys it when I dominate him sometimes.

    Any help would be greatly appreciated.

    I look forward to seeing your replies.
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    A couple things, in no particular order:

    1) In many ways, it is the master's job to keep things fresh. Part of his responsibility is to pace your training in such a way that he is constantly keeping things new by adding new forms of play, demanding more from you, pushing your and his limits, and so on. If he's not doing that, he should be, and you should have a talk with him about it.

    2) But obviously, as his slave, you want to serve your master well. Rather than trying to surprise him (since your new surprise may not be pleasing to him), ask him if there are ways you can please him that you have not explored yet. Offer him suggestions of things you'd like to try, fantasies you'd like to play out, and so on. Let him surprise you by deciding which suggestions he wants to pursue.

    3) I'm a little surprised that you're worried about things becoming stale only a month into your slavehood. Perhaps you're just eager to please and try new things, but if you feel like you're stagnating this quickly, there might be something wrong that you two need to discuss.
  3. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    I've got to agree on sebastian's last point- after a month, you shouildn't be worrying about it being stale too fast.

    I also don't really know what you mean by research on it- any things I've found just regard safety and such, but other than making sure it's SCC, I don't really think you can research what you should be doing...
    I also agree with sebastian, suggest things to your master, ways you might serve him more, etc, and maybe have a talk about how it feels like it's already getting old.
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    If you haven't done this yet, you should: ask your master to set up a regular time out. At the start, maybe do this once a week, then after you find your groove maybe once a month might be enough. During the time out, you and your master talk as equals. Either of you can bring up things you're concerned about, ask about new forms of play, reassess your limits, and raise any problems you see. I take my slave out for dinner once a week to do this, but it could be as simple as sitting on the couch chatting.
  5. Pslave14

    Pslave14 New Member

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    Thank you for the suggestions Sebastian. I will take your advice about taking a time out to my Master and see what he has to say.

    In regards to things getting stale so quickly, I think I feel this way because we have been together for a while and the new direction our relationship has recently taken (i.e. slave/master) seemed like the next logical step since we had already been testing the BDSM waters. We have explored many things but I think the shock of becoming his slave and he my master has not quite worn off yet and I think that might be why we are kind of in a stagnation right now. We are both still trying to get used to this new way of life.
  6. Nuka

    Nuka Member

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    Though it is your master's job to be the one who essentially brings new things to the fold in the way of making you do things etc, you can still communicate new ideas as the others have said.

    But you can still keep things surprising yourself.

    For instance, if he leaves the room to go to the loo, kitchen, whatever and you're feeling kinky, strip off to all but say... stockings (if you have them on) and your underwear and masturbate. When he walks in and sees that it'll surprise him and if he asks what you're up to, just a short "waiting for you, Master" or "preparing myself for you Master" would just bring home that 'I am yours, you are my Master, I want to please you' ethos.

    If you're 24/7 then doing the housework in an outfit only he chooses, or none at all. When entering the room a small bow or something, then approach him, go down to your knees and wait for your next command.

    Things like that are all bits you can try, if it works then great, if not then try something else.

    Don't worry about being stale so soon into it, though I can understand it if you've had six years Vanilla before, it's easy to stop BDSM and go into Vanilla without even thinking about it.

    If he says anything, reply with Master at the end of each reply, or follow everything you say to him with Sir or whatever you're relationships choice is.

    There's lots to try, and always come back here if you need/want more! :)

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