Is this normal?

auntvonna · Sep 24, 2009

Last night I engaged in my first training session ever as a new sub. Overall, the experience was wonderful but there was one aspect of the experience that bothered me all day today. My dom would not let me look at him at all during the scene...I had to keep my eyes subverted the whole time. Then, the scene was never officially "closed" (he did take time to hold me and treated me right otherwise) and I was not allowed to look at him when I left. It made me feel "dehumanized". Otherwise, besides that one point, I felt respected and it was uplifting. Is that a normal demand for a dom to make? I've never seen any d/s bdsm videos (pro or amateur) where a sub was not allowed to look at her dom at all and that's my only experience with the lifestyle until now. Thanks for your answers and advice!!

serodio · Sep 24, 2009

Reminds me of Frank from Blue Velvet...

Anyway, once you leave subspace, your top needs to also detach from his topspace. It is very important that there are clear boundaries between what is the scene and what is not. It may be as simple as your top still being in his role after you have withdrawn yourself from subspace, and perhaps you had not made it clear for whatever reason. Regardless, you need a partner that respects these boundaries, as you are new to this. There's plenty of time to blur boundaries and explore spaces outside the scene after you get comfortable. But if you think he is still toying with you, tell him. Afterall, you're a sub, not a ragdoll.

bluelagoon1988 · Sep 24, 2009

I have had eye contact restrictions in the past and occasionally I enjoy the thought of them, but so much of my strength comes from seeing my Master's eyes. His eyes tell me everything I need to know to either continue to enjoy the situation or to shut the fuck up because im a naughty little cunt. Either way, much of a doms power (at least for me) is in their eyes. Try talking to him, if there is anything in all relationships D/s it should be communication. Sometimes its hard (i still struggle on occasion) but you need to ask him. Perhaps he makes a really funny face when he is concentrating. I knew a guy once that would stick his tongue out the entire time he was concentrating on me, made him look ridiculous and it really did take away from the intensity...

Malelesbian · Sep 24, 2009

It's not abnormal at all really, but if you're not comfortable with it, your top needs to know about it. There are limits in all realms of this, mental and physical. He needs to respect your concerns. Glad you enjoyed it, but remember, part of being a subbie does involve pushing your own limits and submitting to the desires of your top. What's acceptable and what's not is between the two of you. I'd advise you ask permission to speak with him about this and see where it goes.

Have fun and God bless.

Sparrow69 · Sep 25, 2009

perhaps the lack of looking at him wasn't so much a punishment for you, but a way for him to deal with what he had just done. some people, especially doms, feel a sense of detachment and self shame when just starting out with a new sub, often questioning if they themselves have gone to far. perhaps he felt shameful and didnt want you to see it, perhaps he felt vulnerable himself.
I say give it a few sessions, and if its still the same way, bring it up, not before or after a session, but on a get together where no play time is planned.

kittengrey · Sep 30, 2009

bluelagoon1988 said:
I have had eye contact restrictions in the past and occasionally I enjoy the thought of them, but so much of my strength comes from seeing my Master's eyes. His eyes tell me everything I need to know to either continue to enjoy the situation or to shut the fuck up because im a naughty little cunt. Either way, much of a doms power (at least for me) is in their eyes. Try talking to him, if there is anything in all relationships D/s it should be communication. Sometimes its hard (i still struggle on occasion) but you need to ask him. Perhaps he makes a really funny face when he is concentrating. I knew a guy once that would stick his tongue out the entire time he was concentrating on me, made him look ridiculous and it really did take away from the intensity...

-throws in 2 random pennies- actually, I think that tongue thing is genetic. My granfather, father, and me do it. And I remember my old art teacher used to do it. Its hell when you have to get pictures of yourself and they can't use half of them cuz your tongue is sticking out.....
-coughs- ok....back on subject now.....

goodgirl · Oct 1, 2009

I have never been restricted from looking at a master before. I find I have a hard time maintaining eye contact with them. I feel like I have too look away. Sometimes a Master will demand I make eye contact with him. I prefer not to, and sometimes even after the scene is over It takes me a while to regain eye contact with a partner. Perhaps it is just a kink of his to control you that way. Maybe it is to make you feel less connected and more objectified.

Obedient Little Puppy · Oct 1, 2009

Hmm, this is a weird one.

If my master had treated me this way right at the beginning of ur relationship, I would have been secretly relieved. I have always had major confidence issues and this extends to eye contact; if he had tried to make me look into his eyes for longer than a second or two, I honestly believe that it would have scared me

However, with his help I have overcome the eye contact issue. I now love looking into his eyes (particularly when he is wearing a mask of some kind) for as long as I am able; in fact, it has come to the point now where if he is the one to break off the eye contact, I feel really disappointed, often on the verge of being genuinely upset

As for the original issue, I can only echo what has been said here already. Talk to your partner, explain how you felt, listen to what he has to say too and hopefully you can work through this issue. Good luck with this, and let us know how you get on

sarah555 · Nov 18, 2009

i love looking into my master eyes, but recently, he has forbid me to look at him when he was angry with me.

Martello · Nov 18, 2009

Ok, nevermind Sparrow already said it. haha

Sparrow69 said:
perhaps the lack of looking at him wasn't so much a punishment for you, but a way for him to deal with what he had just done. some people, especially doms, feel a sense of detachment and self shame when just starting out with a new sub, often questioning if they themselves have gone to far. perhaps he felt shameful and didnt want you to see it, perhaps he felt vulnerable himself.
I say give it a few sessions, and if its still the same way, bring it up, not before or after a session, but on a get together where no play time is planned.

Is this normal?

auntvonna

New Member

serodio

Banned

bluelagoon1988

Member

Malelesbian

New Member

Sparrow69

Moderator

kittengrey

Member

goodgirl

New Member

Obedient Little Puppy

Moderator

sarah555

Member

Martello

Member

Similar threads