Is it okay for a master to do things that hurt his sub's self-esteem?

master jey · Nov 28, 2009

maybe he is just new about this all and doesn't understand what is D/S relationship

Sparrow69 · Nov 28, 2009

Callmemeta said:
I might be interested in that sparrow

I'll throw them to my server sometime this weekend and send you links.

goodgirl · Nov 28, 2009

I don't know the history of this relationship but it sounds like you may need to have a discussion with him about your limits. This is never a one time only discussion. This discussion needs to be updated as you see fit. If there are some forms of berating and humiliation that you enjoy but others you don't then you need to be clear with him about it. If he is really a good master he will honor your limits.

I have been through something similar, I rather enjoy some name calling and humiliation but I don't like it when a Dom comments on my size or intelligence. Being called "stupid" is kind of a deal breaker for me.

My Love My Lord · Nov 28, 2009

Sparrow - I would love that, thank you. I actually just ordered the first 3 from amazon.com and am very excited to get them.

Callmemeta · Nov 29, 2009

Sparrow69 said:
I'll throw them to my server sometime this weekend and send you links.

saa weet

sarah555 · Dec 1, 2009

Death said:
Unless he's too far gone, already... but he seemed to be very loving about you in the beginning of your relationship, if I remember what you said correctly....

Yes he was. And I miss that. Don't know if things would ever be the same again, not after the nude pictures disagreement. Although I've compromised 50-50 on that, but, his just different now. Before it was all about both of us making each other happy. Now it's all about me having to make him happy.

I'd admit it, I have problems leaving. I've grown so attached to him, I don't know how to leave.

sarah555 · Dec 1, 2009

notice some of you guys are talking about gorean lifestyle, I read about it and I like many parts of it

Death · Dec 2, 2009

sarah555 said:
Yes he was. And I miss that. Don't know if things would ever be the same again, not after the nude pictures disagreement. Although I've compromised 50-50 on that, but, his just different now. Before it was all about both of us making each other happy. Now it's all about me having to make him happy.

I'd admit it, I have problems leaving. I've grown so attached to him, I don't know how to leave.

Then you need to somehow make him realize what he's doing wrong. It just shouldn't be about just you making him happy... even when he's punishing you, the punishments should in the end make you happier as a slave. I understand his view about the photo thing, I really do... but you just can't give a person that much trust after just knowing the person for two months. You just can't do that... the world is too filled with scum to so easily start trusting people. He should understand this... it doesn't mean that your trust for each other can't be complete in the future.

Not too long ago, I myself found a girl that deeply fell in love with me, and I in her... we were going to lose our virginities to each other and marry. We were going to be with each other all the time and be so happy. Our trust for each other was pretty much complete... I was so sure she was my true love, and she was sure I was her true love... she even was my slave. But in the beginning of this year, she did something that made my trust for her to start crumbling. Powerlessly, in a country so far away from hers, I kept trying to sort out the situation. I did everything I could to sort things out, but what she did marked the beginning of the end, since she, subconciously, kind of was determined to ruin her life. She broke up with me three times, but I kept taking her back. Finally, she finalized it by being unfaithful to me and lost her virginity to someone else in the process, and all my trust for her disappeared instantly, and I broke up with her and would never have dreamt of taking her back.

Despite what we had, she could do that to me. She was never my true love and I don't consider her to ever have truly been my slave, either. It was all fake. Trust is not something that should be taken lightly. The problem with you and his situation is that after the whole photo incident, he feels that you don't trust him anymore, and trust for their Master is paramount for a slave. As such, he becomes cold, and his increased need of control is a way to attempt to compensate for what happened. But what he doesn't understand is that he wasn't being realistic. That early into a relationship, trust must be handled carefully. You understand this, but he just keeps thinking that you won't be trusting him, and thusly not fully wanting to be his slave. But from the sound of how you speak about these things, this is false. You were just being realistic while he likely was locked on a particular mindset about the two of you. He needs to realize that your unwillingness to let him take photos didn't have to do with him. At first glance, one may think it does, but from the looks of it, it just isn't the case. It has to do with the rest of the world.

Maybe you should show this that I say here to him if you can't come up with what to say? Maybe not, but somehow this must be communicated to him. Remember that this is said by a person much like him, in regards to this.

Anyway, you two need to resolve this... otherwise it will only keep haunting the both of you... it has to be resolved as soon as possible - the longer you wait, the harder it becomes to sort it out.

Is it okay for a master to do things that hurt his sub's self-esteem?

master jey

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Sparrow69

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goodgirl

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My Love My Lord

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Callmemeta

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sarah555

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sarah555

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Death

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