Is it okay for a master to do things that hurt his sub's self-esteem?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sarah555, Nov 25, 2009.

  1. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

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    The thing is, yes, by being a slave, it already all about getting degraded and "abused". But it's all voluntary, and supposed to be enjoyable and exciting. But then as with everyone else, we all got our sensitivity to certain things. Is it okay for the master to attack those sensitivities that really hurts the sub's self esteem?

  2. Click here for more.
    From what you have said about this guy, he really does not sound like he is worth all the trouble you are going to for him.

    Fuck, as you said yourself in another post, you are sure that he is hellbent on breaking every one of your pre-agreed limits.

    Also, you said that you want to put an end to your periods, simply because you said he expresses disgust at your bleeding. Anyone who is willing to see you harm yourself in this manner cannot seriously care about you.

    I am unfamiliar with 24/7 BDSM realtionships, but even in these situations, surely the master should show caring for the slave's mental and physical well being? How can someone broken down so much, they are unable to cope, really be fit to serve a master? Your well being is of extreme importance to all parties, and should be considered as such.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but you really need to leave this man.
  3. Martello

    Martello Member

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    I'm not trying to be an asshole about this - but there is a whole other thread about how this guy just isn't for you. I think you'd be better off without ANY Dom if t meant getting away from this guy.

    No, that is just uncool. IMO, safe words should extend to verbal as well as physical. I'm not sure what else to say - you need to get yourself out of this situation.

  4. Click here for more.
    Agreed OLP, I said something similar in her other thread. Frankly, I'm sick of reading about it, she knows he isnt any good for her otherwise she wouldnt phrase her questions the way she does in a plea for sympathy. I know it's hard to find a good match, believe me, I know. But for her to spend the time and energy of not only her own life, but now all of ours, on this loser is aggravating to say the least.

    Leave him sarah, find your own piece of happiness. Don't allow him to abuse you under the guise of BDSM.
  5. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

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    not pleading for sympathy, even in this forum, there are two points of views, I am posting more to understand my master's point of view.
    i have an idea how this relationship was suppose to be like, and it's not like what I thought it was, at the same time, I admit I've grown so attached to him, he has his gentle moments like cuddling and kissing me, and rocking me when I mumble safe words, he has never ignored safe words, stops instantly to check if I'm okay. He is forceful but I know I will never be in any physical danger in his hands.
    I am new and still trying to come to terms to what it means being a sub. I find the whole game very psychologically disturbing, but I can't deny my sexual turn on by it.
  6. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    sarah, I don't know you or this guy, but i am a very happy successful 24/7 dominant. I have to say that as a dom, there's a fine balance between happiness and failure, and it seems like this guy is crossing it, majorly.

    If a sub is unhappy, then what incentive is there for the sub to make the dom happy? its a very intricate dance, and it seems to me this guy, hasn't the slightest clue what all is involved. If you would like to discuss how things should be, drop me a line and we can talk, otherwise, i'm going to take it that your misery isn't all that bad, and you actually enjoy the treatment. and if its a matter of not wanting to be alone, well, here's your invitation not to be.

  7. Click here for more.
    I know that this is not a Gorean forum, but, I have been starting to learn more of Gorean philosophies lately and find that many of the views parallel my own.

    This is a link I recently found that may be helpful. While it is focused on living a Gorean lifestyle, it speaks to some of the responsibilities of both Master and slave. It might be something worth reading for some as I think that many of the principles are well stated and and extend to many types of Master/slave relationships.
  8. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    My love my lord, If more followed the gorean lifestyle,, your right, there would probably be less issues, lol. A lot of my own personal views on bdsm do fit within those confines, some do not, but according to their ways, that is my right. However, treating her the way he is, he would be slain by other gorean masters.

    If you ever want to read the books, let me know, ill throw them up in pdf format. It's wonderfully delicious, and a great reference point.
  9. Callmemeta

    Callmemeta New Member

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    I might be interested in that sparrow :p
  10. Death

    Death Member

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    A 24/7 Master/slave relationship should make the slave happy - feeling safe from his control - becoming completed from his caring. He doesn't at all seem to get what that fine line means... what he's doing to you doesn't seem to be anything more than abuse. Either he needs to get this as soon as possible or this can only end badly for both parts, if it continues the way it is now... you getting abused and he just getting fuelled and more out-of-control from his exaggerated behaviour. I haven't read everything you've said about him and your relationship with him but he obviously has unreasonable demands... just the fact with him expecting you to tolerate him taking nude pictures of you after you two only knowing each other for two months shows that he is being very unrealistic, there, already. Maybe he just needs a wake-up from the way his mind is heading? Some of us probably can remember times when our minds have started drifting into very severe territory... in my case, I realized what was happening to my thinking by myself but in his case... maybe his mind somehow just needs a nudge in the right direction...? Unless he's too far gone, already... but he seemed to be very loving about you in the beginning of your relationship, if I remember what you said correctly....
  11. master jey

    master jey Moderator

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    maybe he is just new about this all and doesn't understand what is D/S relationship
  12. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    I'll throw them to my server sometime this weekend and send you links.
  13. goodgirl

    goodgirl New Member

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    I don't know the history of this relationship but it sounds like you may need to have a discussion with him about your limits. This is never a one time only discussion. This discussion needs to be updated as you see fit. If there are some forms of berating and humiliation that you enjoy but others you don't then you need to be clear with him about it. If he is really a good master he will honor your limits.

    I have been through something similar, I rather enjoy some name calling and humiliation but I don't like it when a Dom comments on my size or intelligence. Being called "stupid" is kind of a deal breaker for me.

  14. Click here for more.
    Sparrow - I would love that, thank you. I actually just ordered the first 3 from and am very excited to get them.
  15. Callmemeta

    Callmemeta New Member

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    saa weet

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