Is it odd...?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by BaileyBoo, Jan 31, 2012.

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  1. BaileyBoo

    BaileyBoo New Member

    My boyfriend is my Master. We've been together for over a year. Is it odd that in the bedroom I am always the sub where as in the rest of life, I am always the bossy, confident, controlling one?
    Throughout life I like to give him a little smack here and there and I love to bite him :eek: but in the bedroom, it actually repulses me to think about dominating him.

    Any thoughts?

    Also, what are the best things to use to leave ligature marks?

    Thanks!
     
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  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    It's incredibly normal :)

    Many people take the opposite role in the bed room, because consciously or subconsciously, they want what they don't get in the rest of their life, and can have responsibility taken away- or, if they're the opposite of you, they can be dominant and have power for once. The change is very appealing to some.

    Or it could just be that by nature you're not very submissive, but doing so turns you on. There's nothing wrong with that either.

    Do you mean scarring ligature marks, or just places where the skin's been cut into a bit, temporarily (like this, either shallower or deeper? I wouldn't recommend going for scars, the stress that causes them is dangerous.

    If you just meant the temporary markings, a chain (as shown) can leave marks quite easily without being left extremely tight- that picture is mine, and it's just from moving my legs (or having them moved) when Sir fucked me with my ankles tied. Rope can quite easily too, but I'd recommend not just tying it so tight you get marks, as that leads to cut off circulation and ropes that are much harder than necessary to untie. Instead, let them be used in a way they might be strained against. In theory, chain could be used tighter, since a quicklink or something similar can be released easily if it's too much or needs to be undone, whereas knots tighten and tighten.

    When using rope or chain, you of course want to have a pair of bandage scissors (/other safe scissors) or a pair of bolt cutters ready, respectively, in case you end up needing them. Quick links and knots both jam.

    Come to think, if skin irritation isn't a problem, you could slide the rope to get a rope burn effect that would resemble ligature marks as well. Just a thought.
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2012
  3. Anna2

    Anna2 Member

    I do the same thing. In life, I have to be in charge. In bed, I dont want to be in any way dominant or in control.
     
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  4. Aibo

    Aibo Member

    My ex used to bite a lot and my ex-ex were indeed quite bossy on regular days, so I see characteristics there that are all familiar to me. in short, not odd at all.
     
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Smallest is right. I'd say half the subs I've spoken to are socially alpha male types. For men (and women) like this, being submissive is an opportunity to put aside the pressures of being in charge, to relinquish the need to compete and win, and to set down the weight of responsibility. For some of them, it's about being humiliated, losing social status, and being able to act out things that are not acceptable for them in normal life. Others simple find that it provides a sense of balance.

    And personally, alpha male subs are my favorite type of sub. It's so much fun to humiliate and degrade them and watch them deal with the lose of status.
     
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  6. spankalot

    spankalot Member

    nope thats normal
     
  7. l0v3ly

    l0v3ly New Member

    It's perfectly normal. I'm the same way, only opposite of you (more submissive and quiet in real life, but the boss in the bedroom).
     
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  8. Lucie79

    Lucie79 New Member

    I think that most, if not all, people are like this. I can say for myself that Im totally sub in bedroom but dom in life :)
     
  9. edjixxx

    edjixxx Member

    I think for most people, that is correct. For me, I have done the controlling part for a long time. But, after resolving some issues, I've finally let go and let out some big secrets I've kept locked in a box. I'm not really a dom, in the bedroom or in life, I'm a sub in both. Now I'm trying to let go of the part of my life that has grown to be my being, which included control of every aspect. Scary, but I'm glad I'm doing it.
     
  10. Mss Tara Indiana

    Mss Tara Indiana New Member

    No this is fairly typical

    People are generally the opposite in their sex life as they are in their daily lives. As a matter of fact, when advising subs on how to find the cruelest, strictest and most sadistic Mistresses I always council them to find a really nice girl who does a lot of charitable works. She will be without mercy in session.

    In Our sex live we tend to play our Our alter egos; exercise Our demons. There are, of course exceptions. The purpose of BDSM is learning about O/our boundaries and over the years O/our SM personas and O/our daily personas SHOULD become more blended if W/we are emotionally healthy, so this does evolve. The too nice girl WHo is a practicing Domme is no longer a door mat in Her daily life as She learns from Her play life, etc.. Also, short Dommes tend to be crueler then Tall Dommes- Napoleon complex I suppose. Anywho - you get the jist.
     
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