Is it just me?

decadentangel · May 30, 2010

i believe that people choose to be a dom or sub based on their own life experiences. i was married to an abuser for four years. i enjoyed doing as i was told, getting praise, and pleasing people; the whole sub lifestyle. being married to an abuser changed all that. i carry around the scars to this day; however i'm mature enough not to project those feelings onto my sub. i still enjoy helping people; i'm going to college to be a nurse. the difference now is that i know when to say know, i stand up for myself, and i don't take shit from anybody. hope this helps

-da

doloroso · May 30, 2010

decadentangel said:
i believe that people choose to be a dom or sub based on their own life experiences. i was married to an abuser for four years. i enjoyed doing as i was told, getting praise, and pleasing people; the whole sub lifestyle. being married to an abuser changed all that. i carry around the scars to this day; however i'm mature enough not to project those feelings onto my sub. i still enjoy helping people; i'm going to college to be a nurse. the difference now is that i know when to say know, i stand up for myself, and i don't take shit from anybody. hope this helps
-da

Well, I`m not quite sure if declination to bdsm is result of life experiences. I can remember my fantatsies about dark cellars, with huge wooden wheels on which naked ladies were chained from my pre-school years !!! Sounds familiar ?

And at that time I haven`t any knowledge obout sex, not to mention bdsm. Where than this pictures came from? Something like, khm, genetic memory ?

I am also a member of bdsm portal in my country and there is such a descreepancy between numer of male subs and Dominas. I beleive that among cca 600 members there are about 70% male subs and just a few female dominants. I know personally a lot of them and I wouldn`t be able to apply a rule : dominant in bussiness , submissive in sex life. They are very multicoulored bunch of pepole

On the other hand, there are a lot of male dominants and pretty less female subs. But the reason for this is maye the fact that there bdsm is still developing , the strong catholic tradition, etc... just guessing... I am not an expert.

Darktruth · May 30, 2010

Mistress_Andrea said:
Submissive men don't tend to "advertise" that they are submissive as much as women do, but trust me they are out there and are out there in abundance.

I agree. I think there are a lot out there it's just the cultural taboos; men have to be manly and women have to be submissive, which even as a Dom I find nonsense. I can think of only one of my friends whoâ€™s an openly submissive male and he gets a pretty hard time about it; heâ€™s twenty and lads our age are normally trying so hard to be the biggest, strongest and most â€œmachoâ€ so he gets the piss taken out of him a lot.

Without sounding like an arse (and it could come off that way) it wasnâ€™t until the other day when I realised the huge amount of inner-strength it must take to be a bloke and be submissive to your girlfriend/wife all the time even in a very â€œmachoâ€ environment. It must be very easy for him to try and act like somebody heâ€™s not but he doesnâ€™t so he must be really happy with who he is (good on him for that). I donâ€™t like the guy but it would be great if everyone could be as comfortable with themselves as he is with himself.

Ruelee â€“ I think another good question would be where are the Submissive males? Do they hang out on forums around the Internet or are Submissive men mainly husbands who enjoy doing this at home with their wives?

Sub Anna - You made sense.

I had something to add to that yesterday before I went away for the weekend and Iâ€™ve forgot what it was now.

SubAnna · May 31, 2010

Darktruth said:
I agree. I think there are a lot out there it's just the cultural taboos; men have to be manly and women have to be submissive, which even as a Dom I find nonsense. I can think of only one of my friends whoâ€™s an openly submissive male and he gets a pretty hard time about it; heâ€™s twenty and lads our age are normally trying so hard to be the biggest, strongest and most â€œmachoâ€ so he gets the piss taken out of him a lot.

Sub Anna - You made sense. I had something to add to that yesterday before I went away for the weekend and Iâ€™ve forgot what it was now.

I hope your weekend was better than mine then

While working for most of it, I was dumb enough to staple myself in the finger.

I dont even know how this is possible

. Anyways, I'll stop ranting. Glad to hear that I made sense though. But like I said Im not really sure I believe it, but it is interesting I guess.

What is also interesting - it is not okay for them (male subs) to simply be who they are.. But it is acceptable when husbands suddenly become their wives' doormats (not subs/slaves but actual doormats). Dont know if this is just me - but I know a few couples like this, where he will not even voice his opinion about groceries any longer... Now these men I think, need to grow more "macho" or grow balls or whatever you wanna call that (and their wives accordingly need to ofc. be nicer

)...
Not submissive/slave men - like you said they must have plenty already seeing as they are brave enough to a.) Give up all their control to a domme and b.) Tell people about it.
The same thing goes the other way around ofc.. Preferably nobody should be doormats

Darktruth · May 31, 2010

SubAnna said:
I hope your weekend was better than mine then While working for most of it, I was dumb enough to staple myself in the finger.
I dont even know how this is possible . Anyways, I'll stop ranting. Glad to hear that I made sense though. But like I said Im not really sure I believe it, but it is interesting I guess.

Strained my â€œExternal Abdominal Obliqueâ€ again. Itâ€™s the third time Iâ€™ve strained it so I thought I better look up what itâ€™s called. Lol. Basically itâ€™s the muscle that goes over the ribs and connects (I guess

) to the â€œsix pack muscleâ€ in someway. Only took me three minutes to get out of bed this morning so thatâ€™s not too bad. Lol. Just donâ€™t make me giggle and Iâ€™m okay.

lol.

Iâ€™ve never heard of anyone stapling their own finger before, thatâ€™s quite interesting.

What is also interesting - it is not okay for them (male subs) to simply be who they are.. But it is acceptable when husbands suddenly become their wives' doormats (not subs/slaves but actual doormats). Dont know if this is just me - but I know a few couples like this, where he will not even voice his opinion about groceries any longer... Now these men I think, need to grow more "macho" or grow balls or whatever you wanna call that (and their wives accordingly need to ofc. be nicer )...
Not submissive/slave men - like you said they must have plenty already seeing as they are brave enough to a.) Give up all their control to a domme and b.) Tell people about it.
The same thing goes the other way around ofc.. Preferably nobody should be doormats

Yes I know. Itâ€™s strange how that is perfectly normal but being just slightly submissive is somehow â€œwrongâ€. Iâ€™ve never really thought of that until you mentioned it. I think people are more okay with a doormat husband because people laugh and joke about it a lot more than they do a normal submissive husband (if that makes any sense).

I donâ€™t know why people are more comfortable around doormat husbands/wives than they are around normal submissive husbands/wives though.

Ruelee · May 31, 2010

Perhaps because it's more commonly seen?
I feel all too keenly the effects of not seeming like a dominant male, like men apparently should be, it's been that way for some time. A few of them now and then try to change me, but I've just not been interested. I don't do particularly well at being dominant like that any more than I do being dominant in BDSM.

SubAnna · May 31, 2010

Darktruth said:
Strained my â€œExternal Abdominal Obliqueâ€ again. Itâ€™s the third time Iâ€™ve strained it so I thought I better look up what itâ€™s called. Lol. Basically itâ€™s the muscle that goes over the ribs and connects (I guess ) to the â€œsix pack muscleâ€ in someway. Only took me three minutes to get out of bed this morning so thatâ€™s not too bad. Lol. Just donâ€™t make me giggle and Iâ€™m okay. lol.

Iâ€™ve never heard of anyone stapling their own finger before, thatâ€™s quite interesting.

I donâ€™t know why people are more comfortable around doormat husbands/wives than they are around normal submissive husbands/wives though.

Obliques are great muscles, but having sore abdominal muscles = not comfortable.. I will take the stapler over this, it was surprisingly painfree, and I mean I was working so at least I got paid

I am not really sure how it happened though.. I was bored and fiddling with the stapler, and somehow I managed to staple my finger - ofc the staple didnt like fold or "close" if you know what i mean??
No I dont know either.. It is strange really. I guess sub. males openly admit to it, whereas doormat husbands just kind of become doormats because their marriage is bad or something? Who knows..

Darktruth · May 31, 2010

Ruelee said:
Perhaps because it's more commonly seen?

Yes, it's more in the public eye. I'm not too bothered about people knowing what I like, I'll keep it to myself but if asked I'd probably tell people at least a little bit. I live just outside a very strange village (the sort where people cut the front grass with shears rather than a lawnmower

) so I can get away with saying some very strange things and just pass it off as a joke. Lol.

SubAnna - I wish it was just sore. Its kinda like a sharp stabbing pain, probably a bit like the staple, whenever I breath out.

lil_neko_boy · Jun 14, 2010

*raises hand*
Submissive Hetero Male

I think it's true about Men not advertising it publicly. I think there are a lot of men, and a lot of powerful men, that want to be dominated by a woman, but most of this is kept secret.

I know a Mistress that used to work in Washington D.C. and she said you would be amazed at the wealthy, powerful men come to her and want to be used.

I think there are just a lot of men that still try and define masculinity by not ever showing weakness. I just think that's silly.

Is it just me?

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