Is it just me?

Ruelee · May 29, 2010

I've been curious about BDSM for a while before I came here, and knew at least a little, but even after being here for some time, it seems like there's very few cases of a guy being submissive to a girl. There's been gay and lesbian ones, and a lot of submissive girls to dominant guys, but hardly any of the reverse.

So I'm kinda wondering why this is, I mean... I like being submissive, though that might be in part because I'm really not very good at being dominant, but on the few times I have been dominant, I didn't get as much from it as I do being submissive. Like the feeling of power and such, I don't get it, it just seems to me like being more demanding, something I don't like doing.
And on the other hand, being submissive, somehow I like it more, I get more from it, it just... feels better to me.
I really got to stop rambling on like that.
Anyway, what do you all think?

BernieD · May 29, 2010

Well, i think it's partially nature, but mostly a society thing.

In nature, male tends to more dominant than female. That's most likely due to the fact that in nature, physical strength is what determine power, and male are usually stronger than female.

There is also the social mentality. Man are supposed to be the provider for the family, the strong figure, the dominant one. Even though these mentalities are changing, it takes alot of time to change mentalities. There is probably also less of a stygma for a women to submit than for a man.

I also wants to point out that what i said in this post does not reflect my opinion but rather a social observation. While i would not consider myself a feminist, in this day and age, i do believe that man and women are equal (or should at the very least be).

sillylittlepet · May 29, 2010

I disagree, I think there aren't a lot of submissive men who post on this forum, but this forum isn't exactly the greatest at reflecting the entire BDSM community (if there is even a tangible community. I don't know, cuz I'm not involved in anything other than the forum)

If this turns into a debate about men and women and who normally dominates and all that jazz its gonna get ugly fast and I'm going run for the hills, but I think we just don't have a lot of male subs here. Its not that they don't exist or are fewer than female subs

SubAnna · May 29, 2010

I have heard scientific explanations of this. They go something like this: In the stone age these gender roles (dominant male, submissive female) was often times synonymous with survival of not only the women but also her children. Interesting fact is that for the vast majority of human history humans have lived according to these gender roles (99 % of the time humans have existed it has been on a Stone Age level). Some scientists believe that our brains are simply designed, hardwired, for the stone age - evolution just isnt "fast" enough to keep up with our modern world, and therefore we are living in a modern way, with a brain fitted for the stone age (evolutionary wise). This may explain why many women may be inclined to be submissive?
However, there are a few problems to this theory. For instance it hasnt really been determined what is more important for our personality and it's development: Environment or genes.. If it is genes the evolutionary thing can make sense - if it is enviroment it really becomes quite complex.. Does this make any sense or am I ranting?

Personally I dont quite know if I believe this, but I guess it is an interesting theory? However, mostly the theory has been used to explain other htings than gender roles, for instance why people are still more scared of snakes/spiders (which would make sense in the stone age i guess) etc. than they are of smoking(which would make sense in modern society).. I just think spiders are scary as hell no matter what they say, but that may just be me, lol.

sebastian · May 29, 2010

There are many submissive hetero males out there. There used to be a couple of them on this forum, but they haven't been active for few months. There are also a couple of femdoms who post occasionally. Keep in mind that most prodoms in the straight community are female, serving clients who are often high power businessmen who want a release for the stress of their work. There is no corresponding straight promdom men, at least not as a substantial group. The fact that women can make a living doing it while men can't really demonstrates just how many submissive men are out there.

SubAnna · May 29, 2010

sebastian said:
There are many submissive hetero males out there. There used to be a couple of them on this forum, but they haven't been active for few months. There are also a couple of femdoms who post occasionally. Keep in mind that most prodoms in the straight community are female, serving clients who are often high power businessmen who want a release for the stress of their work. There is no corresponding straight promdom men, at least not as a substantial group. The fact that women can make a living doing it while men can't really demonstrates just how many submissive men are out there.

Very good point.. I didn't know there were many female doms doing it for a living. In fact I never really considered that anybody did it for a living. They must be really hard to find otherwise or something since men actually end up paying them.. Or maybe if they are, like you said, pretty busy with their jobs, maybe it is just more convenient/easy that way...

Ruelee · May 29, 2010

Alright, I'll concede I didn't really consider much away from the forums, or the women who make their living doing it, but I'm also not really involved in it much away from here, so it's hard for me to tell as well.
It does seem like there's a lot more resources for Male Dom/Female Sub than there are for Female Dom/Male Sub though.

Mistress_Andrea · May 29, 2010

Submissive men don't tend to "advertise" that they are submissive as much as women do, but trust me they are out there and are out there in abundance. I've come across more submissive men than dominant ones and I've also found that many men who characterize themselves as dominant like to switch and take on that submissive role from time to time.

handcuff_freak · May 30, 2010

I am a sub male to my dom wife. I like taking control sometimes, but I find my joy in being submissive. Just something about it makes me feel more fulfilled than domming.Something about having to obey her just gets me off. When she ties me and takes all my power and choice away I feel relaxed and at ease.

The only people I know personally that know about this is my wife. I don't share it.

I never noticed there weren't many male subs on this forum. I guess I'll rep that role

TerribleT · May 30, 2010

Heterosexual male sub.

I post when I have something meaningful to add or a question to ask. I'm not going anywhere.

Is it just me?

Ruelee

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BernieD

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sillylittlepet

Active Member

SubAnna

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sebastian

Active Member

SubAnna

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Ruelee

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Mistress_Andrea

Member

handcuff_freak

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TerribleT

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