Is it just me?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Ruelee, May 29, 2010.

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  1. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

    I've been curious about BDSM for a while before I came here, and knew at least a little, but even after being here for some time, it seems like there's very few cases of a guy being submissive to a girl. There's been gay and lesbian ones, and a lot of submissive girls to dominant guys, but hardly any of the reverse.

    So I'm kinda wondering why this is, I mean... I like being submissive, though that might be in part because I'm really not very good at being dominant, but on the few times I have been dominant, I didn't get as much from it as I do being submissive. Like the feeling of power and such, I don't get it, it just seems to me like being more demanding, something I don't like doing.
    And on the other hand, being submissive, somehow I like it more, I get more from it, it just... feels better to me.
    I really got to stop rambling on like that.
    Anyway, what do you all think?
     
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  2. BernieD

    BernieD Member

    Well, i think it's partially nature, but mostly a society thing.

    In nature, male tends to more dominant than female. That's most likely due to the fact that in nature, physical strength is what determine power, and male are usually stronger than female.

    There is also the social mentality. Man are supposed to be the provider for the family, the strong figure, the dominant one. Even though these mentalities are changing, it takes alot of time to change mentalities. There is probably also less of a stygma for a women to submit than for a man.

    I also wants to point out that what i said in this post does not reflect my opinion but rather a social observation. While i would not consider myself a feminist, in this day and age, i do believe that man and women are equal (or should at the very least be).
     
  3. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    I disagree, I think there aren't a lot of submissive men who post on this forum, but this forum isn't exactly the greatest at reflecting the entire BDSM community (if there is even a tangible community. I don't know, cuz I'm not involved in anything other than the forum)

    If this turns into a debate about men and women and who normally dominates and all that jazz its gonna get ugly fast and I'm going run for the hills, but I think we just don't have a lot of male subs here. Its not that they don't exist or are fewer than female subs
     
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  4. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    I have heard scientific explanations of this. They go something like this: In the stone age these gender roles (dominant male, submissive female) was often times synonymous with survival of not only the women but also her children. Interesting fact is that for the vast majority of human history humans have lived according to these gender roles (99 % of the time humans have existed it has been on a Stone Age level). Some scientists believe that our brains are simply designed, hardwired, for the stone age - evolution just isnt "fast" enough to keep up with our modern world, and therefore we are living in a modern way, with a brain fitted for the stone age (evolutionary wise). This may explain why many women may be inclined to be submissive?
    However, there are a few problems to this theory. For instance it hasnt really been determined what is more important for our personality and it's development: Environment or genes.. If it is genes the evolutionary thing can make sense - if it is enviroment it really becomes quite complex.. Does this make any sense or am I ranting? :)
    Personally I dont quite know if I believe this, but I guess it is an interesting theory? However, mostly the theory has been used to explain other htings than gender roles, for instance why people are still more scared of snakes/spiders (which would make sense in the stone age i guess) etc. than they are of smoking(which would make sense in modern society).. I just think spiders are scary as hell no matter what they say, but that may just be me, lol.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2010
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    There are many submissive hetero males out there. There used to be a couple of them on this forum, but they haven't been active for few months. There are also a couple of femdoms who post occasionally. Keep in mind that most prodoms in the straight community are female, serving clients who are often high power businessmen who want a release for the stress of their work. There is no corresponding straight promdom men, at least not as a substantial group. The fact that women can make a living doing it while men can't really demonstrates just how many submissive men are out there.
     
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  6. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    Very good point.. I didn't know there were many female doms doing it for a living. In fact I never really considered that anybody did it for a living. They must be really hard to find otherwise or something since men actually end up paying them.. Or maybe if they are, like you said, pretty busy with their jobs, maybe it is just more convenient/easy that way... :)
     
  7. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

    Alright, I'll concede I didn't really consider much away from the forums, or the women who make their living doing it, but I'm also not really involved in it much away from here, so it's hard for me to tell as well.
    It does seem like there's a lot more resources for Male Dom/Female Sub than there are for Female Dom/Male Sub though.
     
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  8. Submissive men don't tend to "advertise" that they are submissive as much as women do, but trust me they are out there and are out there in abundance. I've come across more submissive men than dominant ones and I've also found that many men who characterize themselves as dominant like to switch and take on that submissive role from time to time.
     
  9. I am a sub male to my dom wife. I like taking control sometimes, but I find my joy in being submissive. Just something about it makes me feel more fulfilled than domming.Something about having to obey her just gets me off. When she ties me and takes all my power and choice away I feel relaxed and at ease.

    The only people I know personally that know about this is my wife. I don't share it.

    I never noticed there weren't many male subs on this forum. I guess I'll rep that role :D
     
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  10. TerribleT

    TerribleT Member

    Heterosexual male sub.:D
    I post when I have something meaningful to add or a question to ask. I'm not going anywhere.;)
     
  11. decadentangel

    decadentangel New Member

    i believe that people choose to be a dom or sub based on their own life experiences. i was married to an abuser for four years. i enjoyed doing as i was told, getting praise, and pleasing people; the whole sub lifestyle. being married to an abuser changed all that. i carry around the scars to this day; however i'm mature enough not to project those feelings onto my sub. i still enjoy helping people; i'm going to college to be a nurse. the difference now is that i know when to say know, i stand up for myself, and i don't take shit from anybody. hope this helps:)
    -da
     
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  12. doloroso

    doloroso New Member

    Well, I`m not quite sure if declination to bdsm is result of life experiences. I can remember my fantatsies about dark cellars, with huge wooden wheels on which naked ladies were chained from my pre-school years !!! Sounds familiar ? :) And at that time I haven`t any knowledge obout sex, not to mention bdsm. Where than this pictures came from? Something like, khm, genetic memory ? :)
    I am also a member of bdsm portal in my country and there is such a descreepancy between numer of male subs and Dominas. I beleive that among cca 600 members there are about 70% male subs and just a few female dominants. I know personally a lot of them and I wouldn`t be able to apply a rule : dominant in bussiness , submissive in sex life. They are very multicoulored bunch of pepole :)
    On the other hand, there are a lot of male dominants and pretty less female subs. But the reason for this is maye the fact that there bdsm is still developing , the strong catholic tradition, etc... just guessing... I am not an expert.
     
  13. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    I agree. I think there are a lot out there it's just the cultural taboos; men have to be manly and women have to be submissive, which even as a Dom I find nonsense. I can think of only one of my friends who’s an openly submissive male and he gets a pretty hard time about it; he’s twenty and lads our age are normally trying so hard to be the biggest, strongest and most “macho†so he gets the piss taken out of him a lot.

    Without sounding like an arse (and it could come off that way) it wasn’t until the other day when I realised the huge amount of inner-strength it must take to be a bloke and be submissive to your girlfriend/wife all the time even in a very “macho†environment. It must be very easy for him to try and act like somebody he’s not but he doesn’t so he must be really happy with who he is (good on him for that). I don’t like the guy but it would be great if everyone could be as comfortable with themselves as he is with himself. :D


    Ruelee – I think another good question would be where are the Submissive males? Do they hang out on forums around the Internet or are Submissive men mainly husbands who enjoy doing this at home with their wives? :confused: :)

    Sub Anna - You made sense. :D I had something to add to that yesterday before I went away for the weekend and I’ve forgot what it was now. :mad: :eek:
     
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  14. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    I hope your weekend was better than mine then :) While working for most of it, I was dumb enough to staple myself in the finger. :confused:
    I dont even know how this is possible :rolleyes:. Anyways, I'll stop ranting. Glad to hear that I made sense though. But like I said Im not really sure I believe it, but it is interesting I guess.

    What is also interesting - it is not okay for them (male subs) to simply be who they are.. But it is acceptable when husbands suddenly become their wives' doormats (not subs/slaves but actual doormats). Dont know if this is just me - but I know a few couples like this, where he will not even voice his opinion about groceries any longer... Now these men I think, need to grow more "macho" or grow balls or whatever you wanna call that (and their wives accordingly need to ofc. be nicer :))...
    Not submissive/slave men - like you said they must have plenty already seeing as they are brave enough to a.) Give up all their control to a domme and b.) Tell people about it.
    The same thing goes the other way around ofc.. Preferably nobody should be doormats :)
     
  15. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    Strained my “External Abdominal Oblique†again. It’s the third time I’ve strained it so I thought I better look up what it’s called. Lol. Basically it’s the muscle that goes over the ribs and connects (I guess :confused: ) to the “six pack muscle†in someway. Only took me three minutes to get out of bed this morning so that’s not too bad. Lol. Just don’t make me giggle and I’m okay. :D lol.

    I’ve never heard of anyone stapling their own finger before, that’s quite interesting. ;) :p :D

    Yes I know. It’s strange how that is perfectly normal but being just slightly submissive is somehow “wrongâ€. I’ve never really thought of that until you mentioned it. I think people are more okay with a doormat husband because people laugh and joke about it a lot more than they do a normal submissive husband (if that makes any sense).

    I don’t know why people are more comfortable around doormat husbands/wives than they are around normal submissive husbands/wives though.:confused:
     
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