Introduction to BDSM

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Missa, Oct 5, 2008.

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  1. Missa

    Missa New Member

    After searching for the answer to this all over the internet, I've decided to ask no where other than the home of BDSM: a forum where people involved in the culture collectively talk about it like it's everyday life (which for some it is).

    I'm new to the BDSM thing. I've only recently began having extreme fantasies about being bound and f**ked, choked, enslaved by a master and being used as a toy for his pleasure. This being said, I've been in a relationship for two years... and have no idea how to bring this up with him.

    He is submissive by nature, as am I, but I would like him to try exploring his dominant side. He is shy and very vanilla when it comes to sex. I've considered straying from the relationship for a night to try this, but can't bring myself to stray from him. Plus I think the emotional aspect is a huge part for me.

    Anyway, in short... help me please?
     
  2. Stargazer

    Stargazer Member

    The first step as with anything is simply finding a pleasant quiet evening and just chatting calmly and openly about your feelings toward the lifestyle, if you'd want it to be a lifestyle or just a bit of playtime every now and then and how yuo plan to execute your plans once you've made them.

    First step: Bringing it up.

    To some people, BDSM is a freak show of loonies wearing PVC and leather whipping each other in small rooms with the walls painted black. This is a stereo-type, much liek saying that all computer [programmers are nerdy little people with thick glasses operating out of their parents loft-conversion.

    Don't let the conversation get drawn in to the stereo-types. BDSM is all about what you make of it as an individual or a couple. If you don;t want whips and chains, then go about it another way. Don't let any doubts or ignorance get in the way of expressing your feelings.

    It's likely going to be a big surprise to your significant other. He may wonder where it came from. Let him know that it has always been there but you can't keep suppressing part of who you are. Offer to him that he may learn something about himself in the process. Treat is natural evolution of the relationship rather than trying to get him into the lifestyle.

    Step Two: Living it

    If you want to go full-time with this, you need to beuild up tot it slowly. Jumping in to the deep-end will just overwhelm the both of you and might leave you with a sour taste. Work into tit gently, find a pace you are happy with and share each others thoughts and feeling about how it feels for yourself and how you perceive the other. in time, this will establish the extra levels of trust needed to submit fully to another.

    Chances are, if you are evenly matched in temrs of personality, you may become switches... Taking it in turns to top from time to time. Don;t see this as a compromise as it can be good sometimes to flex your dominant side despite you prefer or naturally go the otehr way. We all need to be in control sometimes.

    One final tip for when you eventually bring this up with your partner, if he seems hesitant or says that he would be much better suited to the submissive role, just get him to tie you spread-eagled to the bed next time you guys go for some bedroom activities. That should be just enough to get his Dom juices flowing and allow him to experience some form of control. Yu never know... He might just find it attractive and addictive.

    Good luck.
     
  3. PTs_Pet

    PTs_Pet New Member

    admittedly i'm a novice to this.. but after doing tons of reading and information seeking the bit of advise thats been repeated is dont hit him with an information overload, especially if he's as vanilla as you say .. he might freak at the choking and enslaved part right out the gate.. i've seen suggestions of a open chat to initiate the thought process, a little mild play to see if he can even wrap his mind around the role you're hoping will come naturally to him.. oh, and provide him with reading materials b/c the first thing he's going to do when you're not looking is google search bdsm and probably lose his mind w/ some of the crap he'll come across thinking that the extreme stuff he sees is what you want done to you and for him to do. which may be true, but not immediately. i'm new to this site so not sure yet if they're a recommended reading list and dont want to offend the site by posting reference to an other informative site that had great lists of reading materials for newbies or info seekers. the top book i saw referenced seemed to be 'screw the roses, send me the thorns' i saw it recommended for lovers/sign others/ family members, needing to understand the emotional/mental and physical process of bdsm lifers. good luck, hope i helped.
    i hope for your sake he ends up finding that he's the natural dom to your natural sub and ya'll can enter the journey together.
     
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