I'm no longer allowed to ask questions

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sarah555, Nov 25, 2009.

  1. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

    I got severely whipped yesterday by my master, for asking questions. For 2 weeks, whenever I asked a question, any question, he'd just ignore it and refuse to reply. This was his coldness towards me. Before he always addressed my issue and reassure me.
    Apparently, after the whipping yesterday, he made it very clear to me, that a master does not have to explain himself or answer to a slave ever, so he don't ever want to hear another question out of my mouth. Any questions asked will be punished.

    This means, even a simple question like, "How is master doing today?" is forbidden.

    I'm really uncomfortable with that. It feels like a one way communication now. Only his allowed to ask the questions and my job is simply to answer questions, but no asking anything.
  2. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    sarah, as i said, you need to find a new master. communication is the foundation of ever successful relationship. without it you have nothing except an abusive relationship, and a non consensual one at that. that makes it a crime, disguised in a way to give all of us in the community a bad name.
  3. I thought you needed a new Master a while back Sarah, now I'm convinced.
  4. loli-pop

    loli-pop New Member

    Eesh, your master sounds like bad news Sarah. Sparrow is 100% right. Communication is key to a healthy D/s relationship-- really any relationship at all.

    If I were in your shoes I'd probably try to get out of that situation as fast as I can....

    Good luck, lovey~ <3 *hugs*
  5. I've already expressed my feelings on this, and can only hope that our views, or what is basically one whole group view, will be given some serious thought at the very least.

    As I think I already mentioned elsewhere, I was in a similar (although admittedly not quite as bad) situation several years ago, with another man. There were all sorts of issues surrounding the problems we (or rather he) had, which I'm a bit reluctant to air in public. If anyone is curious, then PM me.

    Anyway, the point is, we had recently started experimenting with bondage and spankings, but it soon became clear that he was not fit to be doing this. He decided one day that he was going to punish me during a session, for something really serious that had occurred a few days earlier.

    Now, I don't know what others of you will think about what I am about to say. I believe that in a non-24/7 BDSM relationship, serious issues that have nothing to do with BDSM should not be dragged into BDSM. Because if there is genuine anger involved, as with alcohol and drug use, it would be only too easy for things to turn unpleasant. My previous boyfriend and I had devised a bondage and spanking game one day only a couple of weeks into our relationship, and had been looking forward to it all day. But then he got into a vicious argument with his father, and was so wound up afterwards that he said we'd have to abandon our plan, as he daren't have me at his mercy while he felt so angry.

    Back to the original point I was making, though...I stupidly thought the guy was going to be okay with me, but no. Well, it was okay at first, but the spankings soon grew heavy and with my then inexperience, I couldn't handle it. I said my safeword, and he ignored it.

    This last part was repeated 3 times before he finally took the hint.

    Anyway, after that, I was gone. I found the strength to tell him to fuck off. And this is coming from a self confessed spineless pussy.

    He didn't like being told to fuck off, but didn't try to force me to stay. Instead, he spread a load of vicious rumours about me, told my parents another man had got me pregnant while I was still with him, and tried (unsuccessfully) to turn my best mate against me; he sent a text to my mate's phone, but my mate had left his phone at mine. And while I don't make a habit of reading other people's texts, or condone it, seeing this guy's name on the screen worried me, and so I deleted the text and to this day, my mate still doesn't know it was ever sent.

    I'm not trying to use scare tactics here, but am just trying to explain that I do have a vague idea of how Sarah must feel. So Sarah, please, just finish with this man. Yes, it will be scary at first, but you will be quick to realise that it was the right thing to do.
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2009
  6. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    damn this guy +1 to everyone i think kick him out !
  7. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

    Thank you all. Now getting assurance that he is being unreasonable, I will try to speak to him about this specific rule, and try to explain to him my need for communication to feel safe.
    I just wanted to make sure I did my best to make this work, before I give up.
  8. Zandar

    Zandar Member

    I am sorry for you to read it is going the way it seems to be going, but in the long run most of us are sure this master of yours aint what you want. Sucks that you developed feelings for him, but if there is no decent trust and communication going on, leave the ship before you take to much damage going down with it.

    You are motivated and interested. You now learned what you want and what you dont want. I am sure you will find someone more fitting soon :) . Best of luck with that.
  9. Midnightwolfling

    Midnightwolfling New Member

    Best to not talk to him at all. He has crossed the line of SSC. Better to get out and heal while you still have the chance. The longer you stay the more at risk you become. I have been reading but not typing as of yet, what he has done and is doing is wrong. In my book it makes him no man at all. He doesn't care about you.
  10. I must agree with everyone else's comments. As I have said before on the forum, part of consenting to something is understanding what you are agreeing to. How can you consent without that understanding? Submission is not about blindly following orders, but about having the strength in ones self to see, understand, and then with that understanding to willingly follow the will of another.

    There is also a serious difference between a controlling man and a Dominant Man. The need for control is often spawned from insecurities. One can not lead another if he is not secure in himself. Supposed Doms will often call themselves Master in order to compensate for some deficiency in themselves. This is quite possibly the reason for you not being allowed to ask questions. He doesn't have the answers you seek and rather than work with you to find the answers, he views it as an assault to his ego.

    A real Dom, a real Master, is not such because he needs his ego stroked, but quite the opposite. A Master is secure enough in himself to lead another, to guide and cherish their sub/slave for the gifts that they offer.

    Forgive me, but, is sounds as though you are not only being denied the ability to consent to, well, to anything, but, also being denied the adoration that many Masters feel for their little ones. I suggest that you seek a Master who will cherish you, and the gifts you have to offer.
  11. ex-vanilla

    ex-vanilla New Member

    Don't talk to him, please, just get rid of him.

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