If sub does something, should Dom be willing to? (and vice versa)

Knots

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So, since no one knows who I am speaking of, my boyfriend has *accidently* ejaculated in his mouth, and he said it was a neutral thing and he didn't mind the salty taste... But you really should be able to do whatever you ask someone else to do. He knows I'd rather drink gasoline than cum, so he doesn't have a need to drink his own intentionally. LOL.

I don't entirely buy this whole "you should be able to do whatever you ask someone else to do". If I was running an international corporation, I'd probably have an IT technician (wouldn't that be so cool? a cute little IT technician who could have an office, a chair, play PC games when it's work time...). No chance in fuck I could do half the stuff I'd ask him/her to do, that's why I'd ask him/her to do it.

Should be careful with drinking gasoline, is addictive.
 
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I don't entirely buy this whole "you should be able to do whatever you ask someone else to do". If I was running an international corporation, I'd probably have an IT technician (wouldn't that be so cool? a cute little IT technician who could have an office, a chair, play PC games when it's work time...). No chance in fuck I could do half the stuff I'd ask him/her to do, that's why I'd ask him/her to do it.

Should be careful with drinking gasoline, is addictive.

Excuse me, I should have worded that better. If you request that your partner do something, in my humble opinion, you should be open to them asking you to do it yourself and not expect them to do something you wouldn't do yourself. Also, it may better the experience for both of you in various ways if you were to had once done the task at hand for your partner. However, if the partner has no desire for you to do said task, and they are willing to do said task, then there is no point in that you would need to do said task before requesting your partner to perform said task for you. *ahem* For example, my boyfriend had to perform oral sex on me, before my lips were going anywhere near his junk (it's a personal issue). However, when it came to licking his tasty anus, I had no desire for him to reciprocate the task or go first.

And I must argue that your example isn't really a good one... I wasn't talking about an expertise- I was talking about something someone has never done before. In fast food, the managers normally must be crew members before they are ever allowed to be managers. It's RARE that a manager will get a job without being a crew member first. This is for many reasons, one of them being that no one likes being told to flip burgers by someone who has never flipped burgers. This might not apply to what we're talking about, but it's what immediately comes to my mind. *ahem* That, and IT is pretty serious business. In my office, IT is like the National Guard or FEMA for computer disasters.

However, if we WERE talking about someone with expertise in these matters, I agree that it would be rather silly for the person with expertise in a particular sexual act to ask the person asking to utilize your expertise to go first. That's... Ah, well, all that comes before "THIS IS SPARTA!!!" Hahaha. But seriously, Knotts, I really hope I did not offend you.

*EDIT: Uh, and this reminds me of a question I had been itching to find an answer to: So, I heard somewhere that normally when doms go through a training of sorts (via mentor or a class or something along those lines) they must play the role of a submissive, and somewhere else I heard that doms should first have the equipment they tend to use on their subs used on them. Is this true?
 
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Knots

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Excuse me, I should have worded that better. If you request that your partner do something, in my humble opinion, you should be open to them asking you to do it yourself and not expect them to do something you wouldn't do yourself. Also, it may better the experience for both of you in various ways if you were to had once done the task at hand for your partner. However, if the partner has no desire for you to do said task, and they are willing to do said task, then there is no point in that you would need to do said task before requesting your partner to perform said task for you. *ahem* For example, my boyfriend had to perform oral sex on me, before my lips were going anywhere near his junk (it's a personal issue). However, when it came to licking his tasty anus, I had no desire for him to reciprocate the task or go first.

And I must argue that your example isn't really a good one... I wasn't talking about an expertise- I was talking about something someone has never done before. In fast food, the managers normally must be crew members before they are ever allowed to be managers. It's RARE that a manager will get a job without being a crew member first. This is for many reasons, one of them being that no one likes being told to flip burgers by someone who has never flipped burgers. This might not apply to what we're talking about, but it's what immediately comes to my mind. *ahem* That, and IT is pretty serious business. In my office, IT is like the National Guard or FEMA for computer disasters.

However, if we WERE talking about someone with expertise in these matters, I agree that it would be rather silly for the person with expertise in a particular sexual act to ask the person asking to utilize your expertise to go first. That's... Ah, well, all that comes before "THIS IS SPARTA!!!" Hahaha. But seriously, Knotts, I really hope I did not offend you.

*EDIT: Uh, and this reminds me of a question I had been itching to find an answer to: So, I heard somewhere that normally when doms go through a training of sorts (via mentor or a class or something along those lines) they must play the role of a submissive, and somewhere else I heard that doms should first have the equipment they tend to use on their subs used on them. Is this true?

No you did not offend me, I simply dissagree with your opinion (and the opinion of many) that because you ask them to do something you need to be prepared to do it yourself. The idea that in a relationship you should constantly do direct "trade offs" like that seems immature to me. So yes, there's lots to learn from doing it yourself, but I do not think people should always "need" to.

I simply cannot be bothered to explain my example, beyond that a sub is "skilled" in being submissive and a dominant is "skilled" in being dominant. Though in many instances "switching" the roles can have benefits, it at the same time can be rather stupid for people to do the other.

Some doms "train" like that, others don't. It's that simple.
 
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JettOnly

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I did used to think that you should be willing to take what you expect to give
But really I see it can't be exactly black and white like that
To put simply I'm never gonna know what cbt feels like cos I'm not equipped that way

And of course different people will find the same thing more difficult than others
Mental things, some people think its gay or slutty (that's a bad thing to some people lol )
How turned on can make a big difference, like really when you are just chilling how many people are gonna like a cold cup of cum? Some mibby but much less than horney people will

It can depend on how the idea is introduced to you as well, when I was younger guys said they wanted to try anal, no way. Then finally a guy introduced the subject a better way, and what you know, it was fun

I think more to the point that you should see how much a person is trying for you and try and keep things balanced. Lol not with charts and things but by appriciating and doing things to make your partner know, feel happy and appreciated


As for tasting your own, know it wasn't asked of us girlies but yes I have :)
 
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No you did not offend me, I simply dissagree with your opinion (and the opinion of many) that because you ask them to do something you need to be prepared to do it yourself. The idea that in a relationship you should constantly do direct "trade offs" like that seems immature to me. So yes, there's lots to learn from doing it yourself, but I do not think people should always "need" to.

I simply cannot be bothered to explain my example, beyond that a sub is "skilled" in being submissive and a dominant is "skilled" in being dominant. Though in many instances "switching" the roles can have benefits, it at the same time can be rather stupid for people to do the other.

Some doms "train" like that, others don't. It's that simple.

I think we might be two trains passing in the night here... I in no way endorse "trading" in that sense. If you are both into the same things, it works, but in most cases it ruins the point. For example, (I'll put myself out there) if my boyfriend wants oral sex, it's not fair to trade oral sex for oral sex. That's trading something I don't really like for something I don't really like. (And he likes both.) A more fair trade would be if he agreed to rp with me- he can even have me me give him head as part of it:)

I was talking more about when someone does not wasnt to do something you're asking for... I think that partner has every right to say "you first." My bf and I have both used this card with anal, but it was more of a "i want to do this and I know you might enjoy doing it to me, but i'll feel wierd doing it if i'm the only one."

And thanks for answering my question:)
 
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Smallest

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With this moved, I'll add my opinion.

I don't think they should have to, though I think in some cases it's nice to. Whether he tastes cum doesn't really matter to me, or feels impact play, but that doesn't mean switching is without merit. It means the usual top gets an idea what they're inflicting

The problem is, of course, that the Dom is less likely to find it enjoyable, and perhaps be less willing to perform it with the sub. If the sub loves pain and the dom can't take much and learn how it feels, it can be a detriment.
 
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Knots

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I think we might be two trains passing in the night here... I in no way endorse "trading" in that sense. If you are both into the same things, it works, but in most cases it ruins the point. For example, (I'll put myself out there) if my boyfriend wants oral sex, it's not fair to trade oral sex for oral sex. That's trading something I don't really like for something I don't really like. (And he likes both.) A more fair trade would be if he agreed to rp with me- he can even have me me give him head as part of it:)

I was talking more about when someone does not wasnt to do something you're asking for... I think that partner has every right to say "you first." My bf and I have both used this card with anal, but it was more of a "i want to do this and I know you might enjoy doing it to me, but i'll feel wierd doing it if i'm the only one."

And thanks for answering my question:)

No, you really don't get it. I don't endorse direct "trades" as some sort of "in the bedroom" policy, whether that's "If you do oral, I'll rim you" or "If you lick my cunt I'll suck your cock." It's just immature and no matter how you re-word your attitude I am going to think it's an immature way of doing things; the ebb and flow of relationships should be more like a perpetually flowing river than two people throwing and catching a tennis ball.

EDIT: Thanks Small for making into a seperate thread, I think it makes sense at this point...
 
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