I think I met a psycho

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sebastian, Nov 3, 2011.

  1. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Ugh. A couple weeks ago I started chatting with a guy online who indicated that he was a switch. After chatting for a day or two, he announced that he wanted to be my sub, that he knew he really wanted to be a slave more than a dom, and hoped I could train him out of his dominant side. We really seemed to click, and this last weekend I went drove up to meet him and stay the night at his house.

    We did a lot of humiliation and pain play. He loved being spanked and took everything I had to give him that way. We talked the next day, and I indicated that although I had a good time, I wasn't sure that we were a good match. We parted pretty amicable, or so I thought, and in a follow-up series of emails he thanked me, praised my skills, asked me for a good reference to other doms, and agreed that we were friends.

    Tonight I got a furious email from him, talking about how much I had fucked him up, that he had been crying constantly, couldn't work, and what a terrible person I am. He somehow figured out where I work, and found out the last name of the boy I live with. I've apologized to him, but he seems incredibly angry.

    So now I'm worried that he's going to contact my university and try to get me in trouble. Ugh
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  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I now completely understand why you wouldn't say where you worked. That is, in entirety, a bad situation.

    Has he done or said anything to your last sub? Do you think you can have a lawyer or police officer speak to him without the blame shifting to you? I don't know much about the legality of BDSM in the states. Likewise, do you have your chat logs still?

    It might be an idea, I suppose, to speak to the dean now, and let him know there's an old one-night stand who's angry and apparently stalking you
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    He's contacted a few guys on the site we met through, and sent some emails to a boy we've both chatted with, but that's the extent of it. He doesn't seem to have contacted my sub at all, and at this point I think that sending the cops to him would probably just goad him into causing trouble for me. As long as he doesn't contact my employer, there's not likely to be any real fall-out. And I do have his emails and my chat logs as evidence if need be.

    I think you're right about pre-emptively talking to my employer. I'll think I'll speak to the head of my department, who's a pretty decent guy. I think I can avoid making any direct references to BDSM, and just present him as a date gone crazy.

    Of course, now I'm kicking myself for not being more cautious, for not spotting a few small signs that maybe there was something wrong with him, and so on. He seemed very stable and normal when we chatted, both online and on the phone, and in fact when we met in person. He was very enthusiastic, but that's pretty normal in a good sub. But part of me is blaming myself for this.
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  4. Knots

    Knots Member

    It's sad when "dates go crazy". Kind of tars a relatively positive experience for both parties.

    Though I don't know him/much about the scenario I don't think, considering he remained "stable" for awhile after (emails, etc) that it's your fault for missing how "crazy" he is. I think "normal" people can get themselves worked up and do things they come to regret; he might just need time, a chat and a (maybe metaphorical, I wouldn't advise meeting again...) cuddle, though it's really up to you to make this judgement.

    I think talking to the head of your department is a good idea, and I really don't think it's fair to beat yourself up over it; doms aren't mind readers.
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Knots: Thanks for the reminder that we're not mind readers. I've been kicking myself for not catching the little signs that he has issues.
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  6. Knots

    Knots Member

    It'd be nice if everyone remembered this now and again^^
  7. Are you dealing with a case of "delayed Sub-drop"? LOL!

    I can relate to the difficulty behind discretion when it comes to dates and this discipline.. There are some "delightful" ones out there! I had the pleasure of meeting a few, and then sweeping up after their mental chaos run its course. Uhg indeed! Hang in there, and if it comes to light at work, plausible deniability! Who is the strange one making all the bizarre accusations...LOL! Not that I should share, but I have had to use the whole "I had to stop dating her after she asked for a casting of my penis.." with the boss! LOL!
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  8. decoyicus

    decoyicus Member

    Like dark said you have some plausible deniability here, still a quiet word to the boss couldn't hurt. I have had this same sort of thing with a potential submissive before, don't beat yourself up over it sometimes its difficult to pick up on warning signs and it's all to easy to brush them off as nothing.
  9. I find this very delightful that so many share in the same experience in this area.. It is rough that it happens, but comforting to know its not a secluded result from dealing with the mentally questionable! LOL
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  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    It's possible, but I don't think so. I had a chat with a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist in the Federal Prison system, and he thinks that the guy has Borderline Personality Disorder, which is characterized by swings between adoring someone and hating them. The guy certainly does fit some of the criteria for it.
  11. Oh delightful.. LOL! Unfortunately mental disorders can be masked quite a bit by the subject, so you would likely have never ever seen this one coming until it hit you! Don't stress yourself over this!
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  12. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    Just ignore this guy Seb I don't think he's dangerous he's just ill
    Best way to deal with this guys is to ignore them until they burn all their anger
  13. Kor

    Kor Member

    I think Jey has the right idea. I've come across that sort of person before, though thankfully not in an intimate situation.

    Right now you're the focus of his rage. He'll get even angrier when you don't respond to him, but chances are he'll find someone or something else to be angry with fairly soon.

    As far as not seeing any signs... we all exhibit "signs"; interpreting them is so highly dependent on shared culture and background that it's virtually impossible to tell anything useful beforehand.
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  14. Sally

    Sally Member

    hehe I'm usually the crazy one. have a can of cigarette butts and cuttings of clothes and small books with accurate notes of the people, not to mention pictures. * evil grin * but I will not contact people I pursue.
  15. rooluvr

    rooluvr New Member

    Heh, I dated a guy for a whole year who most likely suffered borderline personality disorder. He was the first guy I ever had sex with (lucky me) and he seemed quite OK to begin with.

    People who suffer BPD often exhibit the following symptoms:
    - the "borderline dance" of pushing people away then pulling them close
    - severe abandonment issues
    - a feeling of "emptiness", a fragmentation or lack of identity (ultimately dissociation into multiple personalities)
    - splitting, or black and white thinking where you are considered perfect then evil then perfect
    - severe mood swings
    - self harm (cutting, burning, suicide)
    - crisis generation

    If you meet anyone who exhibits a few of the above borderline behaviours, whether they are diagnosed or not then run. Just run. Don't look back, don't contact them ever again, keep your distance and he may be able to right himself in time. As others have said, if he's truly BPD he will flip back over pretty quickly and move on.

    Chances are he was abused as a child, it's a long road but I believe he can recover in time. I'm on good terms with my ex now. That said, we do have the pacific ocean between us and that helps.

    I hope things work out well for you and the crisis is averted.

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