I need advice...

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by bluelagoon1988, Jul 28, 2009.

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    I am very new to the scene and have been doing as much reading as I can about safety and finding the right dom for me. I think I may have found the perfect guy and so far everything is going great, today he asked me if I would quit my job once I belonged to him. This startled me, is this common? Hesaid he would prefer i dont work unless I can do so without it getting in the way of seeing him. Is this common or is he trying to isolate me to keep me dependent? I really dont know what to think...help!
  2. vongikking

    vongikking New Member

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    First of all, how long have you been in contact with him? And secondly, are YOU looking for a 24/7 relacionship? Being a sub, does not necessarily means being a sub all the time. I'm not into 24/7 nor I would even if I had the means (money etc).

    So if you are not interested in 24/7 it dosent matter if his question was common or not, you should be clear about what you are and are not expecting from this relacionship.

    If you are into 24/7, it depends on how much time have you been with him, and the speed things developed between you two, noone but you could determine how much time is ideal for the question to be poped.

    And mainly remember, even if there were a rule "after X months in a relacionship of people into 24/7 the question can be asked" it dosent mean you have to be ready for it. Take your time to feel confortable with it, don't let others push you unless you are sure they will care for your well being, as any real Dom should.
  3. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    Yongikking hit the nail right on the head. what it sounds like to me is this person is looking for a 25/7 situation. If that's not what you had in mind, and i don't suggest for someone who claims to be new to the scene (if you're new, you have no clue what you want out of this), then you need to tell him that. I can not say it enough, communication is key. Talk with him, tell him what you want, and what you don't want. If you don't think you can overcome his dominant personality, write it down, and read it to him, ask him not to speak until your done. If hes not willing to do that for you, then perhaps hes not the right one for you.

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    Thanks for the input, I can use all the advice I can get. I know there isnt a time frame, but I had never heard of such a thing being suggested.
  5. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    its not uncommon, however it is indicative of a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship, where you serve him, and he makes all decisions involving both your and his life.
  6. monocrome

    monocrome Member

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    i read this thread and have been really thinking on it, because my knee-jerk response was to say "no way, don't get with anyone that wants that right off the bat" but i think i'm going to go with this:

    you're self admittedly new to the scene, which i can assume means you are also new to trying to find someone. you seem to have found someone compatible with you, but entering into the type of 24/7 relationship he wants (with you as his and him, assumingly, paying for your existance) is somewhat akin to marriage in my mind (at least, contractually). do you want to be that dependant on one of the first doms you've been compatible with? it will leave you financially dependant on him and, important to point out in the economy, you will also have a gap in employment should things not work out and you need to go back to work.
  7. Nyx

    Nyx Member

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    Perhaps you can discuss cutting back on your hours with your master? Maybe if you worked a bit during the day and were home before he got back.
    At least at first, anyway, until you were more comfortable with the idea of quititng your job.
  8. Emma

    Emma Member

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    I think its a bit much of him to ask of you when you are only new to this. Like the others said you will be completely financially reliant on him and if you were to decide that this wasnt for you it would be a lot harder for you to break away than if you were still working. By suggesting that it sounds like he wants you to be there 24/7 for him and are you really ready to cut off that much contact with other people? Even if you think you are i think Nyx's idea would be the best for the timebeing, test it out by cutting down your hours, see which you prefer, if you could see that being your life all the time.

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    Thanks guys for the advice, my knee jerk reaction was in fact "hell no" for all the reasons you pointed out. I asked Sir if this is something he demanded and he said no. He was always thinking in the future if things go well. I told him I wasnt comfortable, he agreed that if things go the way we both hope they will, he wants me to still work at least part time, not for the money but for my sense of worth. Also, Sir is a clever guy, he also told me he wants me to work so that others can lust after what he owns. I think thats a fair compromise on both our parts. The road is bumpy, but things seem to be going quite well.
  10. Tarynsslave

    Tarynsslave Member

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    It all really depends. If you are financially secure as a couple, then i don't see it as too big of a deal. But with the way the economy is now-a-days... lol. Mistress Taryn has brought it up a few times, but it is best to continue to work. We adjust to allow our lifestyles to still be "24/7" even with full-time jobs. Yes, it is possible!

    If you feel uncomfortable with the idea, discuss it with him. At least let him know how you feel. If he subscribes to the credo "safe, sane, consensual" i am certain he would understand where you're coming from on this issue.
    Good luck!
    Taryn's Slave

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