I need advice Newbie

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by bmyself2you, Feb 19, 2010.

  1. bmyself2you

    bmyself2you New Member

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    I am in a relationship with a man who just wants to be controlled....which i understand I am the same way..so we would be called switchers..and I don't to disappoint him so looking for beginner tips....neither of us has attempted this before but both very interested....
  2. WmaGuy

    WmaGuy Member

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    I guess my first question would be: How much experience do you have with he as your Master and you as the sub? I haven't switched much, but when I have, generally my partner would take much of their experience as a sub and reversed it. If you're used to being submissive, you'll have to reach within yourself and find your dominant side. It's much like role playing you don;t have to be a "naughty nurse" to act like one.... ;) I think the first thing you need to do is communicate outside the bedroom. Have a nice candlelit dinner, or a glass of wine on the couch and talk about his expectations, fantasies and limits. In my case, I had a sub who had a much higher pain threshold than I and like to be tied excessively tight and in positions that were not very possible for my 6'4" 240lb frame, so communication was key. In this case, it worked out wonderfully, as she fantasized about domming me for a while and then turning over control back to me, (there's a short story in that night - it was awesome). In my subs case, it was the clothing she chose. She dressed the part - so felt the part....

    So in short, communicate with him, fantasize about this a bit, (alone and together) and then make it happen...
  3. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    I think WmaGuy has it right about discussing it first, and about getting in touch with the other side of your pre-disposition.
    The intro discussion is something I always have. I have noticed that it seems to work better as a lunch. I guess because you get to eat lunch, talk about what you are going to do, or have done, then think about it for hours while waiting to get together. By the time we would get together that evening, it was pretty much all either of us could think about.

    If you can be practical at the beginning it will allow you grow much faster than the silent dance that some like to do, and you can start to really develop the inner world you play (or live) in.

    I think in order to be good as either a D or a s, you have to somehow be able to link in to your other side. Like he said - if you look deep enough you should be able to find it. Many good D's have quite a bit of experience (or started out) as subs.
    Just don't try everything you've seen on the internet right away. People get hurt.

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