I feel guilty.

Prissy · May 19, 2009

Over the last couple of days, I disobeyed every command Master gave me. Sure he gave me a punishment, which I actually didn't enjoy much *grins sheepishly* until the end of it *Blushes* as he literally forced me to piss myself. I didn't think that would be an enjoyable things, but I was wrong. But enough of that. He seems a little more down in the dumps. It might be from the fact he had to work a really long shift last night, or that he was tired, as he said.

But someone gave me an idea that my behavior could be really putting a strain on Master. So much of a strain, that he may just give up being my Master. I know that Master knew of my submissive spitfire personality, and he was up for the challenge.

I feel bad because it appears it is my fault that he is like this.

Do any of you have suggestions as to how I can help cheer him up, and convince him to continue my training?

subspace · May 19, 2009

Is it to simple or obvious to just say: submit? Show your Master that all his hard work has really paid off in your renewed submissive attitude.
I can totally understand where you are coming from and have had to work really hard over the last few weeks to get my attitude under control. After your post I can see how it would be very draining for a Master to not know if his sub would be submissive from one day to the next and become frustrated. How would you feel if you were never punished for bad behavior? I would feel totally neglected/not important and your Master may feel the same way.
So my advice, be the best sub that you can be for your Master, even if it means calming your ‘spitfire’ personality for bit.

PS
I was feeling so guilty that I changed my avatar to a picture of my face (eye) looking up at my Master asking for forgiveness. Seeing it serves as a little reminder for me.

Keeshaba · May 19, 2009

You know...what I started writing here originally was cruel and unjust. But stop and think a moment of what life would be without your Master. Try and give in a little more for him. He obviously loves you. If indeed he is just tired, try and take care of him. Run him a hot bath. Do kind things for him. Losing my Master was a horrible experience. I don't wish it upon anyone. In the end, I look back upon things and know that I am still loved, and I know I would not change a day of it. Do what you can to make him happy. Put yourself in his shoes, mentally. What would he want you to do?

Prissy · May 19, 2009

Subspace, I can totally understand what you are saying, but I have always had a problem controlling the spitfire in me. It is that spirit that I guess, makes me harder to break, althogh I think he may be finally getting to me. My other problem is I also sometimes, because of the spitfire, love to be in control. There were a couple people I met here, that agreed to submit to me, online, and I have seen neither since.

I was also told by another to focus my energy at being his submissive, and not to worry about dominating another. I said I would try, but I am not sure if I can.

As for how I would feel if he never punished me, I get the point. I don't whine and complain about why I am being punished, but sometimes considering what is being asked, I may whine about the harshness of the situation. Is there such a thing as overdoing a punishment?

Prissy · May 19, 2009

Keeshaba said:
You know...what I started writing here originally was cruel and unjust. But stop and think a moment of what life would be without your Master. Try and give in a little more for him. He obviously loves you. If indeed he is just tired, try and take care of him. Run him a hot bath. Do kind things for him. Losing my Master was a horrible experience. I don't wish it upon anyone. In the end, I look back upon things and know that I am still loved, and I know I would not change a day of it. Do what you can to make him happy. Put yourself in his shoes, mentally. What would he want you to do?

Would you believe Keeshba, other than a few minor things, I really don't disobey him? It is just the last two days, the spitfire was taking control, it is almost like I needed to be something more..., But yes I know that I would never want to lose Master. Almost every time I try to make him happy, it seems something goes wrong, and he is displeased anyway. He likes a lot of things, such as a quiet place to come home to. I never greet Master until he greets me first. If I were to ever greet him first, I think I would be punished, or told to go into the other room.

Now you said you were about to be mean and rude when you started your post..., please tell me what you were going to say. Sometimes the harsh truths bring me some of my senses.

subspace · May 19, 2009

I think a punishment is only overdone if it causes you to end your M/s relationship or has crossed boundaries set by you and your Master. Otherwise it may be the â€˜harsh and overdoneâ€™ that breaks you. Maybe a Dom will chime in on this one for us.

I often think my Masterâ€™s punishments donâ€™t equal my disobedience but that is his intention. I often think I canâ€™t take much more (especially the mental/emotional) but there is such a reward in the completion of such a punishment for each of us.

Keeshaba · May 19, 2009

There is such a thing as overdoing a punishment, most certainly. But if you feel that he is overdoing it, I believe in making sure the master knows. Communication is always the key. My rules have always been laid down with a definite rule about communicating my needs and the same goes with my Master, whoever he may be. Should I feel a punishment is too harsh, I have the option of calling a halt and trying to explain why. Should my attempt in explaination fail, though...the punishment continues. Of course, should the punishment in some way cause me too much physical harm, my number one Rule proceeds all else and it stops. Rule 1: Take care of yourself. Basically, if you are unable to serve your Master as he requires for whatever reason, then you are to communicate this. Punishments are meant to teach lessons. Yes, there can be much pleasure in punishments, especially for me (being a masochist, I find much pleasure in being punished), but you have to learn somehow. If you're not learning your lessons, what's the sense in being punished? You'll just commit the same kind of wrong doing again, in some fashion. It gets very tiring.

On another note, I did see a post from Master C on another entry. He mentioned an 11 hour work day without much going on. From seeing this, if this is the incident you're referring to, I can understand where he's coming from. Working 11 hours straight with nothing to occupy oneself? Very tiresome. Still. Do something nice for him. It will go a long way in showing him you care.

And I would rather not be as harsh as I was going to be. I am a kind hearted soul, but right now, I am broken. It comes out in a form of my own inner monster. Forgive me for my thoughts. Just know that I wish you well with your Master and I hope your spitfire attitude can be tamed, but not quenched.

Prissy · May 19, 2009

subspace said:
I think a punishment is only overdone if it causes you to end your M/s relationship or has crossed boundaries set by you and your Master. Otherwise it may be the â€˜harsh and overdoneâ€™ that breaks you. Maybe a Dom will chime in on this one for us.

I often think my Masterâ€™s punishments donâ€™t equal my disobedience but that is his intention. I often think I canâ€™t take much more (especially the mental/emotional) but there is such a reward in the completion of such a punishment for each of us.

As for your comment about a dom responding, I know one will when he comes online, or at least he has been. And I look forward to Sparrow's insight here.

Seriously though Subspace, if you got tied up, for two whole days, because of asking for a pillow, a feew times, and/or swearing once....?

Prissy · May 19, 2009

Keeshaba said:
There is such a thing as overdoing a punishment, most certainly. But if you feel that he is overdoing it, I believe in making sure the master knows. Communication is always the key. My rules have always been laid down with a definite rule about communicating my needs and the same goes with my Master, whoever he may be. Should I feel a punishment is too harsh, I have the option of calling a halt and trying to explain why. Should my attempt in explaination fail, though...the punishment continues. Of course, should the punishment in some way cause me too much physical harm, my number one Rule proceeds all else and it stops. Rule 1: Take care of yourself. Basically, if you are unable to serve your Master as he requires for whatever reason, then you are to communicate this. Punishments are meant to teach lessons. Yes, there can be much pleasure in punishments, especially for me (being a masochist, I find much pleasure in being punished), but you have to learn somehow. If you're not learning your lessons, what's the sense in being punished? You'll just commit the same kind of wrong doing again, in some fashion. It gets very tiring.

On another note, I did see a post from Master C on another entry. He mentioned an 11 hour work day without much going on. From seeing this, if this is the incident you're referring to, I can understand where he's coming from. Working 11 hours straight with nothing to occupy oneself? Very tiresome. Still. Do something nice for him. It will go a long way in showing him you care.

Everytime I question him on his punishments, he adds more. I have learned not to question him during a punishment, and when not doing a session, or a puinishment he dismissals it switly.

I know about the 11 hour workday, but the punishment were previously to that day. So I really don't know which it is. He even postponed last night's punishment..., I wonder if he will be doing it again tonight...............

Keeshaba · May 19, 2009

Prissy said:
Everytime I question him on his punishments, he adds more. I have learned not to question him during a punishment, and when not doing a session, or a puinishment he dismissals it switly.

I know about the 11 hour workday, but the punishment were previously to that day. So I really don't know which it is. He even postponed last night's punishment..., I wonder if he will be doing it again tonight...............

Perhaps it is a lack of training on my part to question my Masters and their punishments. It is the way I was trained. I like to debate. It keeps my mind fresh and active.

Whenever he is adding on more punishments, is it because you have "trained" him to be this way? Is it something he is used to doing now?

I feel guilty.

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