Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Friday, Jun 26, 2008.

  1. Friday

    Friday New Member

    (I am entirely new to the whole idea of BDSM so please forgive me if I sound ignorant and you've had the same question a dozen times)

    There are parts of BDSM that I understand (as far as my limited understanding takes me anyway) but one thing that makes no sense to me is humiliation. Please rest assured I am in no way degrading (haha funny pun) this practice, I simply do not get it, to put it in layman's terms. I'd be incredibly grateful for any help you can give me when it comes to explaining the whole concept.
  2. nix

    nix Guest

    I personally love humiliation.
    The whole idea is to surrender yourself, to put yourself into a position where you are not only vulnerable but also assured to be tormented. It's a release of dangerous emotions in a safe environment.
    Basically think of it as spanking/whipping/etc for the mind.
  3. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    In a manner of speaking humiliation is losing or abandoning your sense of pride. Many people think embarrassment and humiliation are the same but they aren't. When the sub kneels to the dom they are showing humility or being humiliated. You don't have to call somebody a "fat sweaty faggot" to humiliate them. Some people enjoy this kind of verbal abuse play, but its not the end-all, be-all of domination or humiliation.

    Some will say that a sub's ultimate goal is not just a loss of pride, but a loss of self, to be transformed from an independant person to a living apparatus of pleasure for someone else; having no thought or concern for anything except the desires of the dom. In Freudian psychology they wish to surpress the ego and the super-ego and exist totally in the id. The novel 'The Story of O' follows this theory.

    Examples of humiliation commonly include:
    *Crossdressing (which when stripped of its cultural mores means less than nothing as far as sex is concerned)
    *The sub refering to him/herself as 'your slave' (or whore, sissy etc) instead of using the 1st person 'I' or 'me'. This reinforces the humility of loss of self identity.
    *The sub engaging in sexual acts outside the sub's orientation (ie, a hetero male sucking cock)
  4. Friday

    Friday New Member

    Thank you nix for the metaphor, which made complete sense to me :)

    Thank you ReallyGreen for the explanation from a psychology point of view. I think my understanding of what constituted humiliation in this setting was limited, and did not encompass everything that someone who was familiar with the idea would think of. Humiliation, to me, seemed to be more about the verbal abuse side of things. However, the way you've explained it makes much more sense and I can understand the need to lose your identity in another. :)
  5. nix

    nix Guest

    I'm glad I helped :)

    Nice reference to L'histoire d'O. We should have a topic for those types of works, such as Venus in Furs etc too.
  6. Friday

    Friday New Member

    If you know of any other books that would be good reading for explanations like this one I'd be incredibly grateful.
  7. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    Good books? No, sorry. Maybe 'Erotic Slavery', which while informative, is so incredibly dry it will just as likely make you bored with the idea of D/s relationships as it will encourage it.

    But I can tell you that the Anne Rice 'Sleeping Beauty' series is so ungodly stupid that you really should avoid them. Never before has spanking been so repetitive or boring.
  8. Friday

    Friday New Member


    I have never been a huge fan of Anne Rice to be honest. Her books just never did anything for me.

    I might have to pick up a copy of the one you suggested though, and read it a chapter at a time, with lengthy breaks in between to recover my sanity :p
  9. InnocentLooks

    InnocentLooks New Member

    The Story of O is a fantastic example and Desclos is a great writer, no rival to de Sade of course in the BDSM literature arena, but it's still very well done. De Sade isn't going to give you the same look into submission as Desclos though, his characters being rather different (more interesting) than the O of Desclos' book. I would still recommend it though, if you have the time and are looking for some really good bdsm reads...

    Also, the sub doesn't just want to diminish themselves, they want the diminishing to be done for them, so they can really let go of that self-preservation and the responsibility of the ego. The idea of force and humiliation appeals to a lot of subs because they can show their Id without it being, technically, their responsibility. It's like comitting murder because a gun is pressed to your head--it helps remove the guilt factor. Only in this situation, the sub has a deep and secret desire to commit that murder.

    Humiliation is also a great factor in the more... rough sub/dom relationships. Not everyone wants one with total submission and devotion, some like the sub to put up a bit of a fight, and humiliation is a great way to inspire that fight.
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2008
  10. nix

    nix Guest

    I still think that you can't go past Venus in Furs for a pretty balanced look at submissive and dominant.
    For submissive though, L'histoire d'O is the best. I reccomend reading it in the original French, if you can.
  11. smutty-m

    smutty-m New Member

    Thanks to this thread. I was also enlightened about humiliation.
  12. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    So now you know.....

  13. Tarynsslave

    Tarynsslave Member

    Humiliation is something often desired AND despised by submissives at the same time. Quite a paradox... lol
    Submissives, by nature, seek to give control to another person. As a submissive myself, i must admit that i loathe being humiliated, but at the same time, i find it to be incredibly arousing simultaneously. This is because i recognize that i exchanged power with someone who, in turn, used it to control me in such a manner that i did something i wouldn't normally desire to do. When applied frequently, as in training, humiliation becomes standard for many subs (myself included). If i am humiliated often, i establish a mindset of surrender and submission... i.e. it makes me more and more submissive with practice and application.
    For example, my Mistress makes me wear my CB, slave collar, and a butt plug all the time. The collar and CB are directly locked in place and my plug is secured with a locking harness. Each and every second, i am constantly surrendering power and also forfeiting the ability to make individual decisions, no matter how personal they may be (freedom to climax/masturbate, or the ability to use the toilet, et cetera). Each of these three things has worked well for creating the mindset that serving my Mistress is my top priority. It also is great at symbolizing me as owned property.
    After a long enough time, i became much more accepting of my enslavement... or in a sense... humiliated into it as training.
    As far as individual cases of humiliation; for example, Mistress once make me serve and clean after a few girlfriends for a dinner party while wearing a ballgag, posture collar, chastity device, and plug harness. The experience was terribly humiliating and was something that i really had no interest in. But as a slave i really had no say in the matter and i went along with it. After each time i submit to a humiliating experience, i become increasingly submissive.
  14. Malelesbian

    Malelesbian New Member

    Truly creative humiliation is very nice because it lets the subbie know that the domme has been thinking about them. That's a very nice feeling and it also tests one's limits on being submissive. Being humiliated, especially in public, is always a very incredible experience for me - although, it happens too rarely! :(

Share This Page